Partner has BPD - how do cope and stand by him

[RogMoore]

My partner has BPD and has not started any treatment yet. This explains a lot about him and our relationship. I am very much in love with him and would like to support him but it really is hard when he has is mood swings and also I believe he is using sex with other women as way to cope with things. How do I cope with this.. can anyone help? Please?

 

[Walkingoneggshells]

A lot of ambiguity there. Has he been diagnosed ? If not then he's unlikely to see there is a problem.
Bpd or not if he's unfaithful is it really love?

 

[Synesthesia]

There's a lot of books and resources available for the people who love someone with BPD. I would suggest being careful what sources you trust when Googling of course.

Also - Very Important - you have to look after yourself. People with personality disorders can really mess with your head and self esteem. I would rather leave it to proper sources to give you advice. I haven't actually been diagnosed, but it takes many months here in Canada due to our wonderful health care system lol.

 

[MeropeneM]

My partner has BPD and has not started any treatment yet. This explains a lot about him and our relationship. I am very much in love with him and would like to support him but it really is hard when he has is mood swings and also I believe he is using sex with other women as way to cope with things. How do I cope with this.. can anyone help? Please?

Rog, having sex with women is a recreational activity like playing videogames, casino or doing drugs. Your partner does it for pleasure. There is no other reason such as, to cope with etc.

 

[RogMoore]

A lot of ambiguity there. Has he been diagnosed ? If not then he's unlikely to see there is a problem.
Bpd or not if he's unfaithful is it really love?

Agree with what you have said. I’m not sure if he is sleeping with other women or just what I think.. he has asked me to move in with him so these are great steps but I want to make sure I can help him.

 

[RogMoore]

Rog, having sex with women is a recreational activity like playing videogames, casino or doing drugs. Your partner does it for pleasure. There is no other reason such as, to cope with etc.

I see what you mean but I have actually spoken and read that some people do use sex as a tool for coping and can become very promiscuous for short periods of time.

 

[RogMoore]

There's a lot of books and resources available for the people who love someone with BPD. I would suggest being careful what sources you trust when Googling of course.

Also - Very Important - you have to look after yourself. People with personality disorders can really mess with your head and self esteem. I would rather leave it to proper sources to give you advice. I haven't actually been diagnosed, but it takes many months here in Canada due to our wonderful health care system lol.

Thank you for the guidance and I understand. I hope you don’t have to wait too long for your appointment.

 

[Emation]

Read: loving someone with borderline personality disorder

It's honestly really helped me understand my partner better and how to handle conflict better. Things aren't perfect with our relationship and currently he's experiencing a lot of paranoia but things are easier since I read that book.

Yes, there is some research around promiscuity - it can come under the risk taking. It's an instant boost. Perhaps if you read that book and work out a way to discuss this with him. You can't support him while he's having affairs, that'll weigh you down.

Good luck

 

[RogMoore]

Thank you! I’ve got the book so hopefully can start understanding more now

 

[Emation]

Thank you! I’ve got the book so hopefully can start understanding more now

I really hope it helps even if it's just a little! I can relate to the struggles, and I think the worst thing for me is not understanding why and blaming myself.

It's a rollercoaster!