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Parents don't like me very much...

J

jtog1

New member
Joined
Jan 15, 2019
Messages
1
Hello,

Firstly I apologize if this is in the wrong section, and I ask that any staff member that sees it fit to move it to please do so.

I'm a new user to the site and I hope that I'll be able to find help here! It's somewhat of a longer read, so, warning in advance.

As the title would imply, I am inclined to believe that my parents... don't really like me. Now this isn't to say that they don't do right by me- sending me to school, feeding me, and giving me a home... but they don't... want to be friends with me.

Why do I say this?

Well... Yesterday, it was really rough. I spent an entire weekend researching deals and packages for family vacations online. Looked into my parents' work schedules and spoke with some representatives/assistants from the vacation website.

I even took notes and printed out their brochure and was planning to "sell" the vacation to my parents, like one would a timeshare. I had to geek myself up beforehand (silly, right? it's only my parents) and made my way downstairs to my parents sitting on the couch watching TV.

Why was I doing all this?

Because ever since I was little, my parents always felt... too... distant, from me. They never told me they loved me, always left me at home with a babysitter whenever they went out on vacations, and never attended my sports events or school plays.

There's generally hardly any conversation or interaction between us (although, not for lack of trying, at least not on my part). They don't have a single picture of me in the house. And they've even forgotten, like, 2 or 3 of my birthdays...

Now, over the years I've given them the benefit of the doubt, saying to myself: "Hey, you know, your parents lead their own lives too. They are busy people and don't have time to constantly fawn over me like most other parents do." And I believed that until yesterday...

When they denied my request, giving me a vague explanation, something along the lines of they were "too busy" (the usual). I figured they probably were, and told myself maybe it was also too expensive or they had things planned. So I smiled, happily, and told them I understood- and made my way up the stairs, when I decided... I'll hide and try to listen to see if they might discuss it a little more amongst themselves.

What I heard ... crushed me. The first thing out of my dad's mouth was... "Yikes." My mom laughed, teasing him. "Don't say that hon, that's horrible!"

They went onto talk about how I was a "good kid at heart" but that I'll never understand they way they feel about me. They said that maybe when I'll get older, I might.

It was pretty cryptic stuff, but it was clear to me what they were talking about when my dad says that he couldn't wait till I moved out. I remember my mom making a weird, like, grunt of agreement. I remember peeking a little and seeing that they were squeezing each others hands, and hard. Mom said something like, "don't worry. We'll get through this. He'll be out of here".

Then my dad went silent. And then, he started to rant. I remember he looked around really fast (checking his surroundings to see if I might've been in earshot, or something. I don't know). I ducked and I remember some of the things he said so clearly. Not everything, but there were a few lines that stuck out.

"He just... takes up space here."

"He's always... around us. Why? Why can't he be like the other teens and just stay to himself? Why make us miserable?"

"God, if I could go back in time..."

"Maybe we're being punished." (Said it jokingly, but, still).

After all that my mom got up and hugged him, and they went out for the night. They didn't even tell me they were leaving.

At this point I was sobbing. Silently, but I was. I remember clutching those brochures and notes in my hands with so much anger and sadness and... ugh. I don't want to think about it.

I've been incredibly sad and haven't eaten anything at all since then.

What's terrible is that I... I don't hate them. I actually love them so much and that it just... breaks my heart. I have a picture of us as my phone's lockscreen and I think about them all the time. I always tell them that, too.

I'm a normal kid by all means, and I don't ask for much. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong... what I've done wrong.

I can't stand the pain. It hurts incredibly to know they hate me that much.

Can somebody tell me what I can do?

TLDR: My parents sincerely dislike me and I have no clue why; I love them dearly. I'm sad about it. What can I do?

Thanks,
Josh
 
D

Deleted member 74701

Guest
This can be Very serious - - I Recommend reaching out, to people, The internet is a start x x Find older People who don't mind having an extra kid, On-line, and friends, Like in Here or, On hobby web-sites x xx

No-one Deserves that, I Know how deep Parents words, Can cut x x

Reach out, make connections <3 <3
 
RookieatBest

RookieatBest

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 7, 2019
Messages
141
Location
N/A
Wow that's deep. Stop worshipping them. Find support elsewhere. *If they don't care about you, and it seems like you're not even a bit important to them, leave them be.

2 Timothy 3:1-5
1This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
 
D

Deleted member 74701

Guest
The Bible is nice, it says some-where, Parents, Don't exasperate your children x x Parents Got responsibilities, Under god, As well x x

I Recommend - - Reach out, to forums, with Older people, even Retired And, places with Hobbies, You share x x May-be God can help you Find the Parents, You deserve, If you Pray ? ?

<3 <3
 
RookieatBest

RookieatBest

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 7, 2019
Messages
141
Location
N/A
It's not your fault, because you didn't ask to be born. Love them from afar, but not too close. Leave them alone. When you get stable move out and don't look back. And don't let them bother your mental health into mental illnesses. Don't feel abandoned. They seem like they don't care, but they do. If they really don't well treat them the exact same way. Counterpart attack! Get yourself together and don't show them any kind of weakness. Be grounded. If they need you be there for them.
 
Last edited:
eli_mom

eli_mom

Active member
Joined
Feb 12, 2018
Messages
25
Location
USA
Hi Josh,
I’m very sorry to hear this. Please try to talk to your parents regarding those words that you heard and how it affected you. I was reading an article this morning about “Hurt”, it says that confessing how you feel is the beginning of healing. I hope it will make you feel better after you talked to your parents and your relationship with them will be alright. Please update us. I pray that things in your family will be go well.

Take care and God bless.
 
D

Deleted member 74701

Guest
I Don't know if I'd confront them, it could make things worse x x

Tell your story, on-line, as bravely as you have, sooner or, later, some-one Will take you in x xx
 
T

Totti

Member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
6
I went through a similar thing, but my step dad, he just wanted a life with my mother and spoke a lot about me moving out.

My mum ran off and all he had left was me, I soon moved out myself and now he pesters me all the time.

I would imagine they feel they lost out on perusing their dreams when you were born, as horrible as that sounds. I know for a fact though, when you’re stood on you’re own two feet, you’ll prove to them what an amazing person you are, and they’ll want to be apart of your life, they’ll be proud of what you’ve become. You sound like an intelligent lad.

When that happens, then it’s YOUR choice to make.
 
elliepaige20

elliepaige20

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2019
Messages
265
Location
Kent
Hi there,

I'm very sorry that you're going through this, it must be unbearable at times. Have you ever spoken to your parents regarding these feelings? Who knows, maybe they can shed some light on the matter. My personal advice is to reach out to others for support, like you've done on this very forum, and try to distance yourself from your parents if you feel that's for the best.

If there's one thing I know for sure, it's that growing up everybody sees their parents as the most important and amazing people in the world who can do no wrong, but unfortunately as some of us get older that appears to be less true and we see them for who they really are. I admire how much you love and respect your parents, but at the same time, you deserve an equal amount of love and respect in return. There may be an explanation for their behaviour or maybe unfortunately it's just who they are.

I've known a few people in my life who have had parents who are, well, not very loving or caring, and those people find it hard because they love their parents and it's all they know. Do you have any friends or a partner you can reach out to? You might find that their relationships with their parents may differ to yours and then maybe you can figure out if your relationship with your parents is the right kind for you, or the wrong kind.

And who knows, if you someday wish to become a parent yourself, you may have a better understanding of how you'd like to treat your own children. Personally I believe that we learn from our parents mistakes and become better parents ourselves, and maybe even friends too.

I hope this helps, and whatever you decide is completely up to you. I wish you the best of luck :)
 
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