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Well-known member
May 30, 2013
She packed my bags last night...... pre-flight
Zero hour...... nine am
And I'm gonna be high....... As a kite by then

I've smoked forty plus cigarettes today..

I've become totally paranoid and obsessed with numbers and I swear I can hear the people around me talking about me.. I can hear them through the fucking walls...
The music is helping a little... But I suddenly don't see the point of what I'm doing... I'm.... I'm.... Confused ?

The world is not as it seems... There are rules !!! New rules... New unwritten, unspoken rules.. And I just can't keep up.. And that's against the rules...
I like to smoke as I type.. But I've run out of things to say... ...

How much of all this should I tell my nurse ? And can I trust her not to over react ? I'm better off dealing with it on my own... If I tell her I've taken all my pills.... ##

no... I just don't know... I have a day to think about it... But

I don't think she likes me very much... I don't think anybody does... Maybe its not me they don't like.. Maybe its my illness ! Actually that would work and explain a great deal... But it would leave me fucked !!! I can't cure 30 years in a day...

P.S. Somewhere along the line I appear to have done the washing up again.. But I have no recollection of doing it



Staff Member on Leave
Jan 25, 2012
Sorry to hear you're having such a confusing time, and that you're getting paranoid thoughts about things. Sounds horrible for you. And exhausting :hug: I sort of can imagine what you mean about there being new unwritten rules that you don't know about, that must be quite distressing to feel you don't know how things are meant to be done :low:

I think you'd be best to be straight up with your nurse and tell her everything that's been going on, that way she can help you better. She will hopefully be able to help you stay safer.

I don't think you're right people don't like you very much, I think that might be your illness telling you that.

I hope you get some help soon, and that things improve for you :peace:
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