S
SomeGirl15153
Guest
I have paranoid schizophrenia and I’m highly functional, but I’ve been struggling. My work has been abusing me due to the covid-19 nursing shortage and my boss keeps having me switch from Am shift, to mid day shift and now I’m doing noc shift. I’m kind of small-medium stature and they keep giving me 500 pound patients by myself that I struggle to log roll with no one to help me. I’m a good worker but my paranoid delusions plus the 25 patients per shifts are starting to effect me. I keep thinking that someone is watching my every move- I feel like someone is tracking me, from what I eat to what I buy, to watching me while I’m in the shower, looking through my phone activities, scrolling through my photo albums, my work schedule, etc.
I feel like the pressure is too much and I have thoughts that I’d be better off dead because I hate having so many eyes on me.
I also have auditory hallucinations, so that doesn’t help me. I’m taking medication and I am stable but I also feel like I shouldn’t be struggling as much as I am with my daily life.
I tried keeping touch with reality by improving the quality of my relationships and even went so far as to try to start dating again, but I ended up suffering mentally and being abused emotionally. The guy ended up having sex with me and leaving the same night.
That event fed into my depression, feelings of low self worth and like I should’ve never tried to improve the quality of my life in the first place in that way.
I feel really isolated even though my family is there for me and I have a best friend who texts me everyday to ask how I’m doing.
I really wish I was dead. I know I’d never commit suicide, but I keep asking God to kill me somehow.
Life just doesn’t feel worth it. The amount of distress I’m in isn’t worth the small amount of good moments in life.
The worst part is, I know life is only going to get harder as i age and I don’t know what to do because I don’t think I can handle it getting any worse.
I look around and everyone else seems to be enjoying life and I’m miserable and am struggling.
The only thing keeping me from harming myself is probably how my friends and family would deal with my death, but other than that I’m done. I don’t want to live anymore.
I feel like the pressure is too much and I have thoughts that I’d be better off dead because I hate having so many eyes on me.
I also have auditory hallucinations, so that doesn’t help me. I’m taking medication and I am stable but I also feel like I shouldn’t be struggling as much as I am with my daily life.
I tried keeping touch with reality by improving the quality of my relationships and even went so far as to try to start dating again, but I ended up suffering mentally and being abused emotionally. The guy ended up having sex with me and leaving the same night.
That event fed into my depression, feelings of low self worth and like I should’ve never tried to improve the quality of my life in the first place in that way.
I feel really isolated even though my family is there for me and I have a best friend who texts me everyday to ask how I’m doing.
I really wish I was dead. I know I’d never commit suicide, but I keep asking God to kill me somehow.
Life just doesn’t feel worth it. The amount of distress I’m in isn’t worth the small amount of good moments in life.
The worst part is, I know life is only going to get harder as i age and I don’t know what to do because I don’t think I can handle it getting any worse.
I look around and everyone else seems to be enjoying life and I’m miserable and am struggling.
The only thing keeping me from harming myself is probably how my friends and family would deal with my death, but other than that I’m done. I don’t want to live anymore.