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Paranoid schizophrenia continued



I feel like some force is making life a living hell for minorities.

It’s not fair, I feel like I work ten times as hard as the next person to get half the results. It’s like my effort is worth half or a tenth of someone who isn’t targeted. I feel like it’s a government conspiracy to target certain people to maintain the pyramid- so that not everyone can reach the top. I feel like my opportunities aren’t the same as the next person. It’s modern day discrimination/segregation. I’m a minority too so that’s another reason I feel like this.

I feel like some force is making life a living hell for minorities.

For example I spent nearly 200,000 dollars on RN school and I was a victim of intense gang stalking the whole time, computerized exams logging me out in the middle of my exams several times and then flunking me when I only saw half the exam. Then there was no proof of this so I was forced to take the failing grade.

Also I was intensely bullied by a group of older nurses in all my classes- I tried to bring it up to administration but it was swept under the rug.

After like 5 lawyers and 6 years of damages and distress, the school agreed to give me an LVN license opportunity which is 20-30$ less hourly pay than my RN.

Now to make matters worse- I got a license denial from the State Boards of Nursing accusing me of being a sex offender and having a felony!

They mixed me up with someone else! I never had a felony or was a sex offender

All of this doesn’t feel coincidental I feel like some force is in humanely punishing me, but I can’t think of anything I did to deserve all of this.

i don’t believe in God anymore. If there is one, he’s neglecting me and leaving me to the wolves.

I spent 6 years of having student loan lenders harass my disabled grandpa my co-signer and my ex fiancée my other co-signer who is moved on with his life and is trying to get me off his back.

I spent 6 years unable to find a job and somehow got into the bad side of modeling and somehow was forced into prostitution—I fucking went to school I didn’t deserve what I had to do to pay my bills.

Now it’s all over I have post traumatic stress disorder and other mental illnesses and I’m struggling to function.

I really want to die- life isn’t worth it. I don’t know what I did to deserve this all.


Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
May 6, 2017
I really want to die- life isn’t worth it.
I'm sorry you're feeling so low, I hope things improve for you soon. It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

In the USA the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be contacted on 1-800-273-8255
or suicidepreventionlifeline.org In the USA and Canada 211 is a number you can use to access information about social services.

Please take care.


Well-known member
Aug 2, 2017
Born in Portugal, living in the UK (Norfolk)
I can't believe you have gone through this... 😢
I'm really sorry that this has happened to you. 😢
I think you need to reach for help from helplines and you mental health care team. Tell them everything!

Lab rat

Well-known member
Feb 6, 2020
You’ve been through a real bad time and although things have got better, it sounds like you’re in a really bad place. I don’t know you and I don’t know your situation. I don’t even think we’re in the same country. But if I found myself in your situation, I would be looking at major life changes. A new job and a move for a new start. That’s just me! Like I say, it may not be practical for you. Don’t let the bastards grind you down 😃
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