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Paranoid Personality Disorder help

B

Brightside2018

New member
Joined
Jan 12, 2018
Messages
1
I'll try to be concise, but I think my friend has PPD. I don't know for sure because she refuses to go see a doctor.

I have had this friend for about 10 years, we were very close the first few years, through the birth of her first child, and continuing until I felt the need to step back a bit due to her relationship. I was always there for her, especially when things weren't going well, helping her move, or actually giving her and her kid a place to stay at one point.

She eventually moved to another town, and while we still kept in touch, it was much less, and if we saw eachother it was because I arranged it. She also got back together with her boyfriend and father of her child, and seemed fairly happy. If she was happy, so was I.

Over a year ago I had been trying to go visit her and she kept cancelling. Eventually she told me her neighbors were bullying her (an issue she's had before) and seemed to know things about what she did and said in her house, leading her to believe they had implanted audio devices. I believed it was the bf, who is a known over -sharer.

At first I tried to believe her. She had recorded conversations with them, and I listened, tried to understand, tried to help. Her perception of these conversations was much different than mine, even adding a snarky tone when she would tell me what they would say.

She also told me she had tried to commit suicide. That was scary. She had gone to the hospital a few times, but didn't like what the doctors were saying. Missed the psychologist appointment, which would have given her a diagnosis.

Quite suddenly she was moving back to my town to live with her mother (who is also mentally ill.) She and her kid move back, I step back into her life trying to encourage and support. Her family is not helpful, and often verbally abusive. She eventually moves out, I help.

It's been a year, and I'm exhausted. For nearly this whole year I have made myself available when she is struggling. I answered the phone very early in the morning, responded to messages, called to check in, spent much time talking and trying to understand how she thinks and why.

She believes there is a conspiracy against her and everyone is involved. People in real life, on the internet, on tv, and on the radio. She thinks half of them are trying to psychologically harm her by talking about things to do with her life, but not actually saying it's her. The other half are trying to help, but in the same roundabout way.

I have tried everything I can think of, read about etc, to get her to a doctor, or even a support group, but she is firmly convinced her perceptions are real and everyone else just doesn't understand. She has stated she would rather kill herself than go to the doctor and get a diagnosis.

She also has accused me more than once of having contact with her ex, which is just false. After the first time she insinuated I spoke to him (in a very passive aggressive way), I sat her down and firmly told her she could not treat me like that, that I had never given her a reason to think that or doubt me, that her treatment of me, and her sensitivity to a barrage of topics, was giving me anxiety in dealing with her. I also told her if I had to pick my own well-being over hers, I would.

Weeks went by, and we continued on hanging out once a week or so. Eventually I had a loss in the family, and I didn't reach out to her for a few weeks. She found out about the loss and messaged her sympathies, but then brought up an online post to do with her bf (That I had no idea existed.) A few days later there was a message with no context, but obviously accusing me of being a part of the conspiracy. I called her, talked her down for 45 minutes, maintained that I needed some space and that she needed help, but I would see her over the holidays to give gifts.

The holidays were lovely and busy, we had a short visit, and then a few days later she messaged asking to go for a walk. I had told her many times that if she was making healthy choices, I would always support it, so we walked. It was nice. She asked seemingly innocent questions about me and my family (who she knows fairly well.)

The next day I wake up to a message that she 'can't do it anymore. ' I call, but I was upset, as she always needs something while I'm getting ready for work. She tells me she isn't going to hurt herself, but she also isn't going to take her kid to counseling (as she said the day before.) I tell her I can't continue to be her support when she's refusing to seek outside help. We get off the phone. She calls back a minute later to tell me another instance of someone 'knowing ' things. I repeat I can no longer help her.

It's been just over a week and she's reached out to me twice asking if I, or a family member, could take in her pet should it 'come down to it. ' I now see she was asking these 'innocent' questions for a reason. I responded the first time that I couldn't. A couple days later she again asks about the family member. She sees I checked the message but didn't respond, and sends a snarky reply. I haven't messaged back.

Thinking about talking to her makes my heart race and my stomach turn. When I'm really anxious I can get physically ill, and nothing else in my life brings on this level of anxiety. I can still function, but I'm drained, and everything is much harder than it should be. On occasion I have missed work due to it. The worry is pretty constant, when I wake up in the night it's hard to stop worrying, and unless I am occupied, I worry. I have reached out more times to get help with her than I've ever felt the need to with anything else. I spoke to a psychotherapist recently and he suggested hanging in there for the kid, but I'm just not sure I can manage.

I am at the point where I just can't foresee going forward and having a relationship with her. When I look back, I see how she has always taken and given very little. She acknowledged this a while back and apologized, which opened my eyes even more.

I will say, she does somehow manage to take care of the kid, though I fear she will become suicidal again and her family isn't willing to make the emergency phone call. I resisted pulling away from her for so long because I genuinely care about her and her family, and I thought at least if she tells me, I could phone for help, even if she hates me for it, which is what her family fears. I also worry a lot about the kid.

My question is, and I know there most likely isn't a win-win answer, how do I disengage without sending her over the edge but still taking care of me? I have enough going on in my own life to stress me out, 'normal' life things, but the normal stresses are much harder right now.

I appreciate any suggestions, thanks for reading.
 
Last edited:
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,502
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
Brightside, :welcome: to the Forum. You are stuck in a bad position.

All I can share is you should be #1 in your life, taking good care of yourself. You do not have some invisible permanent bond to this woman. Perhaps you should wean yourself off of her drama gradually so she will get use to it.
 
T

Twokiwisandabanana

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 23, 2016
Messages
811
I found it interesting that her family is verbally abusive no wonder she thinks everyone is against her.
I think she's lucky to have a friend like you and just being there is enough.
Unfortunately as much as we'd like to yiu can't fix anyone else.
 
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