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Paranoid at work - anxiety

J

Justastepfurther

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Apr 8, 2015
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Hello, I'm new here so hi to you all :) glad to have found you.

I'm not new to anxiety, its been in my life since early teens but I'm doing pretty well. I've conquered it to a certain extent, I no longer have panic attacks / depression etc. But there is one thing I am currently going through that is hard for me to cope with / understand..

I started a new job recently, I love it I really do - and when I first arrived I was confident, happy, my personality was ... well... just me! and I was happy being just me and people felt comfortable around me.

its been a few months now, and I'm having issues with my confidence. I blush profusely in meetings and I hate it - I feel people view me as weak because of it. Not only that I am obsessed that my boss thinks I'm pathetic / weak / hard to talk to because I'm feeling very awkward all of a sudden... its like my personality has shifted? I feel like I'm stuck in a cycle of self loathing, but have no reason to be and now I've ruined my work life -
on the flip side... I'm apparently doing well at work! My boss is happy with me and has said so.

My boss seems to find it hard to communicate with me... e.g not hearing me correctly, looking blankly at me or excluding me from a conversation. - but I'm well aware this could just be me being paranoid.

I was in a role previously where I was exposed to full on bully from my boss. I thought I was over it... but perhaps I'm not?

:unsure::unsure::unsure::unsure:
 
katya

katya

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Hello and welcome to the forum!

I know what you mean about anxiety and paranoia at work. I think everyone experiences it to some extent; it's because it's quite a false situation really, where you're playing a role and so is everyone else and, if you think about it too much, it seems like a minefield.

But it sounds like you're doing great! Also, there's things you can do to help you lessen the anxiety if it's becoming too much of an issue for you.

Are you in touch with a therapist? Does your work itself have any sort of counselling?

Are there any colleagues you feel comfortable enough to talk to about how you're feeling?

Hope you feel better soon; wish you the best.

Remember, try not to focus on how you're being perceived; if you focus on being mint at your job, everyone will love you anyway.
 
Unique1

Unique1

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Hi justastepfurther and welcome to the forum!

Congratulations on the new job too, a few months isn't long and sounds like your boss is pleased with you :)

Understand about the blushing thing, I have in my life struggled with that too.
Not sure if you've had any support or with the confidence issues you mention, if not perhaps you would benefit from some of the CBT therapy that is available, you don't need to be referred by a Dr you can self refer online, there is a waiting list , although I find time goes quickly. It depends on which area you are in how long the list is.it sounds like you have done extremely well with conquering panic attacks etc and maybe need just a little help /support with self confidence and self doubt. Or failing that see if there are any relevant courses/groups in your area you could attend .
It's great that you enjoy your job :) we all have times whn we doubt ourselves, you have done so well.
This forum is a great place to come you've made a good start :) x
 
J

Justastepfurther

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Apr 8, 2015
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Thank you jruth & unique1, I'm so grateful for your response to my post. And thank you for the warm welcome.

I'm not sure if there is anyone I can confide in at work yet but I have informed my boss that I get 'hormonal mood swings' ... So that's eased some of the pressure/worries. I wish I could just be open and say exactly what's wrong but we don't yet live in that world yet...

Totally agree that it's a false environment ... As if you are playing a role, in my case trying to be the best me possible. Which is daft.

The bizarre thing is I am - on a good day - a confident outgoing person but I'm rather perfectionist about myself and expect a lot of myself. I think I would benefit from seeing a therapist / a CBT refresh also.

Thank you for your kind words and suggestions, I'll make sure I confront this and not let it continue to play on my mind
 
cassandra36

cassandra36

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PTSD? I'm glad you're doing well at work even if you don't feel like you are.
 
P

PaulF79

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Apr 9, 2015
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Hi all... Just found this forum and my first post.
I totally relate to this... Similarly a sufferer of depression and anxiety, and whilst I don't have full in panic attacks I take things personally, worry about others perception of me and seem to have lost so much confidence at work. It's very sad and I'm sure il pull through... One thing I'm doing at the moment is listening to a fab audiobook by prof Steve Perers called MindManagement. All about your inner chimp 🐒
A really interesting read, and I'd certainly recommend it!
 
katya

katya

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Hi all... Just found this forum and my first post.
I totally relate to this... Similarly a sufferer of depression and anxiety, and whilst I don't have full in panic attacks I take things personally, worry about others perception of me and seem to have lost so much confidence at work. It's very sad and I'm sure il pull through... One thing I'm doing at the moment is listening to a fab audiobook by prof Steve Perers called MindManagement. All about your inner chimp ��
A really interesting read, and I'd certainly recommend it!
Oh I know that! Yeah, it's really good; it's about how your amygdela (your emotional brain) and how, when that's activated, you can't access your rational thinking. We were looking at it at school for those kids who come from difficult backgrounds.

Am I right?
 
P

PaulF79

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Yeah that's the one... Your inner chimp is your emotional side... And is more powerful that the more rational human side... Teaches ways to control your chimp... And be more pragmatic and realistic about things as opposed to letting tour emotions take over and cloud your judgement. The audiobook is a good 9 hours worth! x
 
katya

katya

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The bizarre thing is I am - on a good day - a confident outgoing person but I'm rather perfectionist about myself and expect a lot of myself. I think I would benefit from seeing a therapist / a CBT refresh also.

Thank you for your kind words and suggestions, I'll make sure I confront this and not let it continue to play on my mind
That's really great to hear. Being a perfectionist can be an amazing thing, but it's not a healthy mindset: look up 'growth mindset' versus 'fixed mindset.' Growth mindset is the idea that progress is always better than perfection; it gives you the positivity to always be moving forward... whereas fixed mindset can go one of two ways, as I understand it: you believe you're really bad at something, and therefore you don't try; or you believe you should, must, have to be really good at something, and the worry of not being perfect 100% of the time stops you in your tracks. You must learn to recognise that a little bit of failure is often part of the learning process, and if you're willing to fail sometimes, you'll get way further than you ever would by being a perfectionist in the long run.
 
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PaulF79

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Very wise words indeed.... ��
 
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