Paranoid about my friends

Midnight.Panda

Midnight.Panda

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 15, 2018
Messages
193
I keep feeling like my friend doesn't like me anymore and is slowly trying to get rid of me. Things feel really awkward and uncomfortable when I am around them now too and we have been fighting a lot more. They keep making me out to be some kind of bad person and getting angry at me. Idk maybe I am a toxic person and they're tired of me?
I just don't feel like I can trust any of my friends. I feel like they probably talk shit about me behind my back and don't want me around. I don't have many friends and I find it hard to talk to people.. so losing the few handful of friends I have now really scares me. I don't want to end up alone and friendless because I know I'd just give up and not talk to people again
 
P

PsychoPrince

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 22, 2019
Messages
115
Location
Indy
I keep feeling like my friend doesn't like me anymore and is slowly trying to get rid of me. Things feel really awkward and uncomfortable when I am around them now too and we have been fighting a lot more. They keep making me out to be some kind of bad person and getting angry at me. Idk maybe I am a toxic person and they're tired of me?
I just don't feel like I can trust any of my friends. I feel like they probably talk shit about me behind my back and don't want me around. I don't have many friends and I find it hard to talk to people.. so losing the few handful of friends I have now really scares me. I don't want to end up alone and friendless because I know I'd just give up and not talk to people again
Just ask them very kindly if you have upset them. I'm willing to bet that alone would end in hugs.

Who's quote is that in your signature? It's beautiful.
 
L

LifeWorthLiving

New member
Joined
Apr 21, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Ontario Canada
It’s best to confront the situation head on. Talk to your friend about it. Best case scenario is that it’s in your head and clearing the air will relieve the tension and anxiety, and worst case scenario is that your friends are shit talking you behind your back, which says a lot more about them than you. Real friends don’t do that and nobody deserves that kind of treatment, and you can work to move forward without that negativity and toxicity holding you back. Making new friends isn’t easy, and gets even more complicated as you get older, but it’s possible. I’m nearly 40 and have recently been dealing with the same situation. Get out and volunteer, join a group or class to meet people with similar interests. You don’t have to stay stuck with people who aren’t trustworthy. Don’t let it discourage you. It’s not easy, but it’s up to you to build the life and social circle that you want. I hope things get easier for you soon.
 
Midnight.Panda

Midnight.Panda

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 15, 2018
Messages
193
@PsychoPrince The problem is that my friend gets really frustrated with me a lot. I think it's because I need constant reassurance and I'll ask things that might seem obvious (like asking if she wants me around). It also seems like she's always mad at me, but she says she isn't. I wonder if I just can't read emotions properly? I keep swinging back and forth between thinking they're a great friend and then immediately thinking they're secretly planning to backstab me .-.

The quote is by Ernest Hemingway! :)

@linus Yeah, I think so too. It's a terrible cycle and I am not sure how to break out of it. It'd all be okay if I could just be confident and fun to be around instead of worrying all the time

@LifeWorthLiving I didn't end up talking to them about it, but I gave it some time and maybe I was paranoid after all. She seems to like me and I know a lot of the problems are on my end. I think it's because I've been bullied in the past and I've had toxic friends so it's like my body is already on edge despite evidence to the contrary. I think the problem is more so that I can't trust people, rather than finding trustworthy friends.. It would be really nice to get new friends though :)
 
P

PsychoPrince

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 22, 2019
Messages
115
Location
Indy
@PsychoPrince The problem is that my friend gets really frustrated with me a lot. I think it's because I need constant reassurance and I'll ask things that might seem obvious (like asking if she wants me around). It also seems like she's always mad at me, but she says she isn't. I wonder if I just can't read emotions properly? I keep swinging back and forth between thinking they're a great friend and then immediately thinking they're secretly planning to backstab me .-.

The quote is by Ernest Hemingway! :)

@linus Yeah, I think so too. It's a terrible cycle and I am not sure how to break out of it. It'd all be okay if I could just be confident and fun to be around instead of worrying all the time

@LifeWorthLiving I didn't end up talking to them about it, but I gave it some time and maybe I was paranoid after all. She seems to like me and I know a lot of the problems are on my end. I think it's because I've been bullied in the past and I've had toxic friends so it's like my body is already on edge despite evidence to the contrary. I think the problem is more so that I can't trust people, rather than finding trustworthy friends.. It would be really nice to get new friends though :)
I like that idea about being more confident. You have friends who don't want you to doubt their friendship, that's all.
 
Midnight.Panda

Midnight.Panda

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 15, 2018
Messages
193
I like that idea about being more confident. You have friends who don't want you to doubt their friendship, that's all.
The logical side of me knows this, but sometimes I get blinded by all my anxiety and I just automatically assume the worst. I have been getting better with trusting my friends, but it seems like I am always on the look out for evidence that I shouldn't.
 
P

PsychoPrince

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 22, 2019
Messages
115
Location
Indy
Sounds like you have a firmer grasp on the problem. What do you do to deescalate your anxiety in those moments when your anxiety blinds you?
 
Midnight.Panda

Midnight.Panda

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 15, 2018
Messages
193
Sounds like you have a firmer grasp on the problem. What do you do to deescalate your anxiety in those moments when your anxiety blinds you?
I usually try to lie down and allow myself to freak out for a little bit before I try to control my emotions. Sometimes I meditate and take in deep breaths to calm down (and it can work really well if I just sit down for 10 minutes). And if my mind isn't a complete mess, I try to reason with myself.

Like in CBT, I try to look at my faulty ways of thinking and try to look at it logically. For example, if a friend ignores me, I might jump to the conclusion that they hate me. But I try to list off all the other reasons why they might not be talking to me (like focusing on issues they might have, rather than the problem being me). It doesn't always work if the anxiety is too much and I get racing thoughts, but it does help in grounding me.

I've also had friends to support me with kind words and reassuring me that the things I worry about aren't a big deal (not in the sense that my feelings don't matter, but that things will work out and I am jumping to conclusions without evidence).
 
Top