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May 4, 2021
Does anyone else have extreme paranoia? Sometimes I have meltdowns over my anxiety, like when someone comes to the front door unannounced, and I constantly get up during the night because I think I hear something. I've missed out on several holiday gatherings because my anxiety gets so bad, and I feel like everyone is judging me, and I've had anxiety attacks in the middle of gatherings because it's too loud or busy.

On the other hand I sometimes have delusions when watching television where it feels like the actors are talking to me personally, and "helping" me? Some weird telepathy type thing. It starts to feel like I'm "special", but I know deep down I'm just being delusional. I also get really paranoid of my landlord, or asking for help.

I don't know if this is a part of BPD or BP, or what. I do understand it's not rational, but I can't help but notice everything and I overanalyze symbolism, imagery, and philosophical meaning in movies and shows.

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