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Paranoia in personal relationships

S

secretsquirrel

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Jan 12, 2008
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I was wondering how other bipolar's deal with the following:

1) telling a new partner of their illness and trying to explain it
2) Dealing with the paranoia that creeps in when becoming ill
3) maintaining a realistic long-term relationship without becoming too dependant on your partner

I have been dating someone for the last 6 months, I have bipolar 2, I told him in the first week about my illness ( I was well at the time) which he accepted. Since then , I have given him a book to read about bipolar, but he doesnt seem too interested in it. Since October, I have been quite depressed which manifested itself as paranoia venturing into delusions, and there are times when I have been told by my pdoc not to be left alone, so I have asked him to stay over at my place. However, it now seems that he needs to spend more time at home as he has work priorities, so I seem to see less and less of him.
I am wondering if anyone here has any comments and can offer any advice on how to ask for more support, and even if my boyfriend IS the one who I should be asking for that support, or if I should just ask my friends instead in case I scare him off ( which, judging by his actions, I may well be doing).

looking forward to hearing your replys:)
 
J

justlikeawoman

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paranoia in personal relationships

hi secretsquirrel
sorry that you feeling low - and in a bit of a muddle regarding your relationship.
maybe your boyfriend is a bit scared of mental illness. i think this could be the situation but of course i dont know.
maybe you are the first person he has met personally who has suffered with mental illness - i think you will need to be patient with him and while not swamping him with your illness perhaps you could find ways of speaking about it that will not put him off. in fact being bipolar is not a separate thing is it part of who you are as a person so speak about bipolar in terms of yourself.
i think we can sometimes feel under great pressure to be who we are not, even through mental illness, just to please those we love.
sometimes we can be pressured into pretending everything is okay when they are far from it.
maybe if you ask him to stay just because you are ill (dont know if that is the word i should be using) he feels under pressure to take on responsibility that he doesnt know how to deal with. maybe he feels frightened in case he is caught up in something that he doesnt understand. or maybe he thinks "she only wants me to stay cos she is ill and needs a crutch and not because she wants ME!" i know you gave him a book on bipolar and he didnt read it. maybe this says he isnt the one to ask for that help. (or not at the moment) maybe if he is the one to help then life will throw that situation his way whether he wants it or not. life is like that.
ok, if you have friends you can rely on and they understand you and bipolar why not ask one of them to come over while your boyfriend is there. perhaps if he sees how they manage and cope with you then it will help him and give him confidence.
he may love you deeply but love is different things to different people. maybe when he imagined he one day he would fall in love with the wonderful girl that you are (i am assuming that you are female!) he didnt anticipate that it would be with a woman who is bipolar. being bipolar doesnt make you unlovable - you are just unique, as we all are. i would go easy on him. at the end of the day we can not force others to love us even, or especially with our warts. i think this is all part of the growing we do as people
i hope you are okay.
:hug:
alice
 
S

secretsquirrel

New member
Founding Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
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Thanks

Thank you for your response Alice, you seem to be very level headed in your view of bipolar and I think sometimes we just all hope too much that other people will just 'cotton on' thereby saving us from having to explain ourselves and our behaviour.
I am feeling much better now, although I now seem to be suffering from fainting spells, so am going to see my doctor.
Many thanks for your kind words and response, much appreciated.
Take care
 
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