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Paranoia - Fear of being watched/checked up on?

elliepaige20

elliepaige20

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2019
Messages
153
Location
Kent
Hey everyone, so I've posted a few times on here before about different mental health experiences I've had but this is a fairly different one that I haven't really discussed before. I've always had a slight fear of being watched, people conspiring about me etc. It was always pretty mild however now my anxiety has become a bigger part of my life, the paranoia seems to be worse. I often worry that there are hidden cameras in my room, the office where I work etc even though it sounds ridiculous when I say it out loud. I've also had a fear of people looking through my internet history even though there's nothing bad to be found. It's mainly just Facebook, Tumblr, Youtube and numerous clothes shopping sites. I work in an office environment and only I can see my computer screen. I'm a pretty good worker so naturally I get my work completed very quickly and is always up to standard. I also often work through my lunch breaks. Because of this, I do find myself going on Facebook, shopping sites etc every once in a while. The people I work with know that other employees do things they shouldn't on their computers i.e. watching youtube, chatting online etc so I know I wouldn't get fired over it or anything, but the fear of being watched, checked on and judged on it really terrifies me.

About 20 minutes before work ended today, a lady I work with told me I could go early and was pretty adamant about me leaving the premises before she did. I immediately got that awful feeling that she'd check my history after I left. Because of this anxiety, I delete the history every day. Even though it's only social media, shopping sites etc I still get scared of being told off or judged in any way. I know the smart thing to do would probably be to stop going on social media when I'm at work and yeah that's probably the best option, so I know really that's kind of my own fault. But at the same time I feel like I'm really overthinking this as my work know I always complete my work and would have no reason to spy on me and they've never done it to others as far as I'm aware. I also get scared that there are cameras pointed at me, cameras hidden in various items etc. I've also had a really strong fear of people looking in my windows for as long as I remember. I know I'll never get caught doing anything really bad because I'm not that person, I just get terrified that someone will catch me doing something embarrassing, especially seeing as my anxiety is pretty bad these days.

Anyway, I know this might not make a whole lot of sense and that it seems like a really irrational fear to have, I also know that some of these fears could be easily avoided. I just wanted to know if anyone else has this fear or anything similar? This is something I find really difficult to discuss so please try to understand! Thank you all for reading it means a lot xxx
 
elliepaige20

elliepaige20

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2019
Messages
153
Location
Kent
Hey thank you so much for responding, it means a lot. I'm on Sertraline 100mg for general anxiety and depression which I feel has helped a lot, however I am also on the contraceptive pill (Mini Pill) which I think has affected my mood. I was on the combined pill a few years ago which affected my mood quite a lot so I think this might be doing the same. I've also been going out with friends more often which has resulted in me consuming more alcohol which probably hasn't helped.

I'm seeing my counsellor tonight for the first time in about 2 weeks and am hoping to tell her about some of these feelings. I've been very on edge since I passed out on holiday a few weeks ago and haven't felt right emotionally since then. I tried talking to my mum about the paranoia and now she thinks I'm schizophrenic, which I'm pretty sure isn't the case. The fear I have of being watched has always been a relatively mild thing that hasn't really affected my day to day life however in the last couple weeks it's bothered me more than usual.

Now my mum has made these comments it's filled me with more anxiety because now she seems to think I'm crazy in some way. I've often refrained from telling her certain things about my mental health as she does tend to overreact when she doesn't understand it. Now I'm worried that she thinks I'm dangerous or not right in some way after telling her about the paranoia. I know in my mind that this is probably due to the combination of these pills and alcohol consumption which I'm going to speak to my counsellor about tonight. Thank you so much for reading xx
 
J

jonjon

Active member
Joined
May 16, 2019
Messages
32
Location
Bonny Banks
Not had that fear, but I now get fear people look at me and can tell I have issues.

Makes me scared to go out.

Tough to deal with, open up tell psychologist, or doc.

Must be very common.

And now thinking, I switched off Facebook etc, might be good idea


Take care xx
 
R

rigglandhudd

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 21, 2019
Messages
83
Location
Virginia
I have paranoia sometimes therapy helps with my paranoia
 
elliepaige20

elliepaige20

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2019
Messages
153
Location
Kent
Hi guys thank you so much for your responses. Recently I've felt a bit better as I've been seeing my therapist more regularly and am trying to come to terms with my feelings. I'm feeling less paranoid at the moment which is definitely a good sign I think. I've been trying to find new hobbies and ways of distracting myself from my dark and depressing thoughts, such as writing, pottery etc.
 
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