pain

Lolli_Liability

Lolli_Liability

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#1
I love it right now I love physical pain it is amazing it is the best feeling ever cause it's real . Also it makes me feel closer closer to the end . That would be nice . I feel like I can't get death right and that makes me so angry I even fuck up killing myself imagine that . So I keep thinking about possibilities but I guess I'm not sure what one is best hmmmm I could try a couple . Also I wonder what happens after I think I'll be having dinner with Satan like imagine it sitting and having dinner with all the bad people in the world . Maybe ... All the bad people got into heaven instead cause don't you just get forgiven anyway . Hmmmm so I've been thinking and really I need to go and just go on holiday or something or maybe just maybe I should disappear then if I went on holiday and I killed myself noone would know . And then they'd all be like a mysterious things about me and wondering where I am . That would be interesting I guess. I think when I die I want to be cremated don't bury me with the bloody creatures no thanks . I also wonder what happens next. Hmmmm all I want to do is self harm it's all I have done all day I'm running out of skin I swear. This life is horrible it really is
 
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calypso

calypso

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#2
I am so sorry you are suffering so much Lolli. Its going to be difficult to get to stop the self harm but just try to think of another way. Pain is powerful, it blocks out the inner pain.

YOu metion the going on holiday, that's the whole point, its not death of the body you want but death of the pain inside. YOu really need to go to A and E and get those wounds looked at. You might think that its not worthwhile but it is really it is. YOu can still think about death, but not just now.

Please try reading

Suicidal Crisis | Mental Health Forum
 
Lolli_Liability

Lolli_Liability

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#4
I can't stop and it's deep . i don't want to get them checked out but maybe I should I did stitches couple but they are weeping they won't heal . I'm need to get them checked I know but I don't want to leave the house . I'm scared .
 
Mayflower7

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#5
Hi Lolli,
Please get help, you can call 999 they will come to you then.
Please show them your sh and tell them how suicidal your feeling.
SH can easily get infected you really need it checked.
Take care
 
calypso

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#6
That's a good idea - call 999 and let them help you Lolli. They won't ind one bit and you are more in need than most right now. Come on Lolli, just one last push to get help.
 
Mischief

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#7
Hey Lolli

I've just noticed that you're back. It's great seeing you about this place again.

Sounds like it's been a bit tough at the moment. I hope things get easier for you.

Sending you lots of best wishes.
 
Lolli_Liability

Lolli_Liability

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#8
I'm in hospital now. I went to get some stuff from a guy I know I ended up getting attacked . someone found me and I'm in hospital on antibiotics having treatment for my many wounds . I don't want it I want to die. although I don't mind the morphine at least . I just want out of this horrible life I'm sick of being hurt everyone hurts me I always end up fucking used and someone taking advantage why can't my body belong to email and I make my own choices over it not some asshole man doing it for me why can't that happen . I don't want this life I don't want to be in hospital I never asked to be brought back here I just want it all to end it never ends. people tell email it gets better I don't think I can get better or ever will get better I just want this over .
 
Mayflower7

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#9
Hi Lolli,
So sorry to hear you've been attacked and are in hospital.
I'm glad your getting some treatment, life has been very cruel to you. However lots of people get better and have different lives.
Please don't give up.
Keep talking to us.
Take care
 
calypso

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#10
How are things going for you now Lolli? Are they any better in hospital? Its got to be better than just suffering alone, let them do their job and support and help you. I am sorry you got attacked, that is terrible.
 
Lolli_Liability

Lolli_Liability

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#11
I'm still in hospital still being treated for being a mess mentallt and physically. I still wish I was dead every minute of the day . I tried it here to got put on 1:1 observations . bullshit . why won't they let me die.
 
Mayflower7

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#12
Hi Lolli,
Sorry to hear your still in hospital, I hope you can get thru this some how.
I know it's horrible feeling suicidal, it does usually pass with support etc.
Hope you feel much better very soon.
Take care Hun.
 
Lolli_Liability

Lolli_Liability

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#14
i got sectioned so im here recieving treatment and they are looking into recieving funding for trauma therapy for me . i just keep reliving historic abuse . i am so low and i dont want to live. i hate this life more than anything in the world it is the worst. i just wanted to die thats all i wanted. im on a come down from many a night of cocaine also and i hate it i really do hate it . this world is a horrible place, why doe people exist like this ? i should not exist in this world i just want to diie thats all i want, this world is not for me. one day ill die like i want to i know one day ill achieve this
 
calypso

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#15
here as always to listen Lolli. Let them work with you and help you.
 
Mayflower7

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#16
Hi Lolli,
I'm so sorry your struggling, I hope you get the therapy very soon.
Also hope life is kinder to you soon.
Take care
 
Mayflower7

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#18
Hi Lolli,
We are here for you, loneliness is horrible. However I'm sure you'll make more friends on the forum.
Have you ever tried a day centre you might make some friends to?
Take care
 
calypso

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#19
thing is this is as bad as it gets so there is only one way up now. YOu can do this Lolli bear with the treatment and the help you are offered and lets see where it all leads. I know you feel like there is no point in anything right now, but you can't see the greater picture yet. I know there is a better life for you out there. Hold on please.