Overwhelming feelings of loneliness and depression, considering suicide

[cac1990]

I'm a 25 M, if that matters. I've always had trouble in social situations for as long as I can remember, but over the past five years or so, that's gone from me having just one or two friends to complete isolation, no matter how hard I try to break out of it.

Most of the time, I'm outright told I'm "too awkward" or "too weird" to be around. This has happened in multiple situations from work to school to even church and support groups. I'm not trying to be awkward but for whatever reason, I've come off to the large majority of people as awkward. I've never been able to figure out why despite nearly six years of therapy with three different professionals.

It's not for a lack of trying, I often try to put myself out there and meet people. I've joined church groups, gone to bars, sporting events, even internet meet-up things based around some common interest. I've either connected with no one despite approaching different people, or the group has outright asked me to leave because I'm too awkward. What's really pushed me over the edge was back in February of 2020, I was in a support group for social anxiety...and the leader of said group asked me to not participate anymore "because you're just too awkward."

I don't really know what to do at this point. I don't have any friends, my parents are not very understanding of anything related to mental health (every time I try to express my feelings to them, I usually get berated by my dad to just "get over it"). With COVID going on, I now work entirely from home, so I can't even go to work for some minimal social interaction. I haven't spoken to or texted anyone besides my therapist since July, other than various failed attempts to be social. It's gone from occasional feelings of isolation and sadness to severe and overwhelming feelings of loneliness and depression that seem like a crushing physical weight on me. I can't think of anyone who'd even be upset it I were to disappear, so suicide has really been on my mind lately. Mainly because it would end the overwhelming pain I'm feeling, and from my interactions with people including my family, I don't think they'd care that much either.

CAC

 

[sab1978]

Geez, it sucks to not have a feeling of belonging. Can you tell us more about specific feedback you’re getting regarding being “awkward”? Are there common themes? What exactly are people not liking?

 

[cac1990]

Geez, it sucks to not have a feeling of belonging. Can you tell us more about specific feedback you’re getting regarding being “awkward”? Are there common themes? What exactly are people not liking?

Nothing really common I've been able to find out. I've heard everything from being mean, being overly nice, too quiet, too loud, too talkative. It's like if I try one route and that doesn't work, I'll try the opposite and that won't work either. Which is really adding to the overwhelming feelings.

 

[sab1978]

Do you find you’re trying to please people and take on whatever persona you think they’d like? What does just being yourself look like?

 

[jajingna]

I was in a support group for social anxiety...and the leader of said group asked me to not participate anymore "because you're just too awkward."

That's really discouraging to hear, sorry about that.

 

[Faith198]

22 here and I get you tbh. I’m sorry you’ve had a bad experience with support groups not being supportive, like their name suggests. Tbh things like that and therapy are kind of hard. You have to do a bit of digging to find the right person or group. I completely understand how you feel. It is very paralyzing to feel like you aren’t excepted or just never feel comfortable in any situation. I too struggle with social anxiety and GAD in general. Please do not give up. That is the worst thing you could do. I wanted to give up so many times, but right at my lowest point, I found a good therapist. Everything had it’s way of working out for me. I never thought I’d be normal. Always struggling with feeling uncomfortable around others. Wanting to just give up and commit suicide bc life felt like too much for me.

my dad is exactly the same way. Tells me to “man up, suck it up, get over it”. I hate the “tough love” approach. Unfortunately people do not understand the impact of mental health. We appear that we look fine on the outside bc we are not in a wheelchair or rocking in a corner. We are not. Please don’t give up on yourself. Reach out to a better counselor or support group. Maybe consider medication too if you haven’t already

 

[cac1990]

Do you find you’re trying to please people and take on whatever persona you think they’d like? What does just being yourself look like?

My natural self is pretty talkative and fairly outgoing, but that just pushed people away growing up that by the time I graduated high school, I really didn't say or talk to anyone and just tried to blend in to avoid getting rejected again. People at least sort of tolerated me when I kept quiet, but obviously that doesn't really make you and friends either.

 

[GhostOfLenin]

I'm a 25 M, if that matters. I've always had trouble in social situations for as long as I can remember, but over the past five years or so, that's gone from me having just one or two friends to complete isolation, no matter how hard I try to break out of it.

Most of the time, I'm outright told I'm "too awkward" or "too weird" to be around. This has happened in multiple situations from work to school to even church and support groups. I'm not trying to be awkward but for whatever reason, I've come off to the large majority of people as awkward. I've never been able to figure out why despite nearly six years of therapy with three different professionals.

It's not for a lack of trying, I often try to put myself out there and meet people. I've joined church groups, gone to bars, sporting events, even internet meet-up things based around some common interest. I've either connected with no one despite approaching different people, or the group has outright asked me to leave because I'm too awkward. What's really pushed me over the edge was back in February of 2020, I was in a support group for social anxiety...and the leader of said group asked me to not participate anymore "because you're just too awkward."

I don't really know what to do at this point. I don't have any friends, my parents are not very understanding of anything related to mental health (every time I try to express my feelings to them, I usually get berated by my dad to just "get over it"). With COVID going on, I now work entirely from home, so I can't even go to work for some minimal social interaction. I haven't spoken to or texted anyone besides my therapist since July, other than various failed attempts to be social. It's gone from occasional feelings of isolation and sadness to severe and overwhelming feelings of loneliness and depression that seem like a crushing physical weight on me. I can't think of anyone who'd even be upset it I were to disappear, so suicide has really been on my mind lately. Mainly because it would end the overwhelming pain I'm feeling, and from my interactions with people including my family, I don't think they'd care that much either.

CAC

Any person who is there to help that says your to awkward needs to take a long hard look at them self. The "weird awkward" people of this world are the people who move our species forward! Einstein was a weird dude so keep that in mind. Your a special human and thats all that matters

 

[JessisMe]

I’m really sorry to hear that you have struggled so much to find acceptance and understanding with people and that you don’t feel that your family supports you the way you would like. I wonder if those speaking for the group are really speaking for everyone in the group. I bet there are people in the groups you have been a part of that enjoyed your presence and might have liked to know you better. My father has a really hard time understanding mental illness and usually says things that are the equivalent of “just push through it” or “stop feeling sorry for yourself” too. It seems like it’s often men who have a problem accepting and understanding mental illness. I would not feel bad about his response to the topic. It may be his only way of understanding. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you. xo, j

 

[karl7]

I'm a 25 M, if that matters. I've always had trouble in social situations for as long as I can remember, but over the past five years or so, that's gone from me having just one or two friends to complete isolation, no matter how hard I try to break out of it.

Most of the time, I'm outright told I'm "too awkward" or "too weird" to be around. This has happened in multiple situations from work to school to even church and support groups. I'm not trying to be awkward but for whatever reason, I've come off to the large majority of people as awkward. I've never been able to figure out why despite nearly six years of therapy with three different professionals.

It's not for a lack of trying, I often try to put myself out there and meet people. I've joined church groups, gone to bars, sporting events, even internet meet-up things based around some common interest. I've either connected with no one despite approaching different people, or the group has outright asked me to leave because I'm too awkward. What's really pushed me over the edge was back in February of 2020, I was in a support group for social anxiety...and the leader of said group asked me to not participate anymore "because you're just too awkward."

I don't really know what to do at this point. I don't have any friends, my parents are not very understanding of anything related to mental health (every time I try to express my feelings to them, I usually get berated by my dad to just "get over it"). With COVID going on, I now work entirely from home, so I can't even go to work for some minimal social interaction. I haven't spoken to or texted anyone besides my therapist since July, other than various failed attempts to be social. It's gone from occasional feelings of isolation and sadness to severe and overwhelming feelings of loneliness and depression that seem like a crushing physical weight on me. I can't think of anyone who'd even be upset it I were to disappear, so suicide has really been on my mind lately. Mainly because it would end the overwhelming pain I'm feeling, and from my interactions with people including my family, I don't think they'd care that much either.

CAC

im in the same boat.....i have no friends....havent had a friend in about 15 yrs.....i have bad social anxiety, coupled with depression and schizophrenia.....im quite isolated too, but cac i have to tell you a lifeline to me has been mental health clubs.....these are places where mentall ill people can go to participate in activities including group therapy and personal development or else you can just can drop in for a cooffee.......i thin k these places are invaluable.....you will meet likeminded people here......just ask you pdoc or theapist or mental health team or else just google it.

 

[Comfort23]

I commend you for reaching out here and for all the hard work you've done. That takes so much courage! I am so sorry you've had experiences with others judging you. I know it can make you want to give up. I felt so hurt when my ex wanted a divorce because I'm "not normal", "every word out of my mouth is annoying" rather than something concrete I could have fixed. I, too, have social anxiety and feel awkward. I can empathize with why you're feeling despair right now.
I hope you will not give up. You sound like a beautiful soul. We need more people like you in this world.

I don't know if you have a faith. Sometimes that helps.

I hope you find something in this forum that helps you. Seriously, you should be proud of yourself for your strength and courage.