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Overwhelmed

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venusgarci

Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Mexico
Hi. So ive been with my boyfriend in the house for 90 days or so due to covid. I really love him but It has been soooooo damn hard. We argue all the time, our discussions become circular and really frustrating and we go on for hours until we say something profoundly hurtful and thats when we make up. I know this is a harmful dynamic but we cant stop. This and feeling like I am not enough in anything that I do has me suicidal. . I feel it like a heat in my head and overwhelming selfhate thoughts. I started harming myself again. Sometimes I do it to calm me down. Nothing else calms me. Now, I feel More suicidal than ever. I am a rational person and I know this would be a horrible moment to kill myself and wont do that to my bf, mother, cat, but I had never wanted to die so bad. The impulse is so strong. I dont feel un control of anything and I feel all my life is messed up, I Let down everybody and dont deserve anything. I am on my meds and have had therapy for more than two years, despite that my bdp Is getting worse. Dont think there Is much more to do. I feel do guilty for having toxic behaviours and hurting my bf. I feel like a horrible person. Intrinsecally broken.
Words of wisdom, success stories, someone who feels like this, I guess anything (ir nothing) Will help.

Sorry for my lack of motivation or justo being whiny. Comming here and reading you makes me feel less alone
 
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Someone_alone

Someone_alone

Well-known member
Joined
May 15, 2020
Messages
55
Location
South Africa
Everythings going to be ok :) I think you should communicate your difficulties and feelings to your boyfriend and try having a good sit down chat about the way both of you are feeling, sometimes all it takes is good communication to fix a relationship. Try not to have suicidal thoughts, iv been there and had stages where all I thought about was ways I could kill myself and looking back on it now im so glad I didn't do anything, life is always got difficulties and covid is one of the latest ones, always remember things do pass whether its days,months or years but you should never give up. Difficult times strengthen us and form us into the people we are, I see difficult times as a necessity and im grateful for all the hard times iv had. Dont forget your strength and try have happier thoughts, iv found meditation and general philosophical thinking sessions help make me quite a joyful person :) I try see the beauty in small things we usually take for granted everyday.

I hope anything Iv said has helped and I hope you feel better soon <3 :)
 
G

Girl interupted

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Messages
2,042
It’s the lack of control that has you feeling this way. Do something, even small, that gives you a feeling of control. Maybe reorganize your clothes closet, or food in your pantry? Pull it all out and put it back neatly, it will help to alleviate that lack of control feeling, and give your brain something to focus on.
 
V

venusgarci

Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Mexico
Everythings going to be ok :) I think you should communicate your difficulties and feelings to your boyfriend and try having a good sit down chat about the way both of you are feeling, sometimes all it takes is good communication to fix a relationship. Try not to have suicidal thoughts, iv been there and had stages where all I thought about was ways I could kill myself and looking back on it now im so glad I didn't do anything, life is always got difficulties and covid is one of the latest ones, always remember things do pass whether its days,months or years but you should never give up. Difficult times strengthen us and form us into the people we are, I see difficult times as a necessity and im grateful for all the hard times iv had. Dont forget your strength and try have happier thoughts, iv found meditation and general philosophical thinking sessions help make me quite a joyful person :) I try see the beauty in small things we usually take for granted everyday.

I hope anything Iv said has helped and I hope you feel better soon <3 :)
Thank you. I do feel like other hard times ive had Made me a stronger person. I will talk yo him more calmly. Thanks for answering :)
 
V

venusgarci

Member
Joined
Feb 18, 2020
Messages
9
Location
Mexico
It’s the lack of control that has you feeling this way. Do something, even small, that gives you a feeling of control. Maybe reorganize your clothes closet, or food in your pantry? Pull it all out and put it back neatly, it will help to alleviate that lack of control feeling, and give your brain something to focus on.
For sure I will try that. I feel like I have to be more compassionate with myself. So hard. But I will start with focusing on something else. Thank you so so much
 
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