Overwhelmed

DirkDrippler

DirkDrippler

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Jul 27, 2017
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5
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Canada
Hi,

This is my first post. Finally decided i need to help to understand how to help my wife who is suffering from chronic anxiety and depression. She as suffered with it since my daughter was born 24 years ago. At that time she was able to manage with it with the help of medication that she took as needed. When my son was born 19 years ago, it became more sever and since then she has been to psychiatrists and has been on numerous types of medication on and off.

Now recently within the last 7 years with some traumatic events like the passing of her 10 month old nephew, the stresses of her job, and the passing of her grandmother it has opened her up to the point where her anxiety is a daily battle. Our kids and i throughout the past few years have become triggers. AT 47 she is now going through Menopause and finds that the medications are not working as well.

So now for the last year or so, She says she's not happy with the marriage, she's frustrated with our kids who still live at home and she just wants to end it and be on her own. This breaks my heart, we have been there for her throughout all her ups and downs being patient and giving her space when it calls for it.

There are situations i can add later but this is for the most part what is going on. We have been married for 27 years and most of it has been good and at times great. Recently she can't find any happiness in her life and is always focused on the negative and even bring up past events that we have been able to get passed.
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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Hi and welcome to the forum! :welcome:
Im glad you have realised that you need help too coping with your wife's depression. It was the same for my husband, we had joint counselling together to try and understand where we were both at and where we both wanted to be and why.
This is something that can be offered from your gp if you live in the UK. If your wife wont go with you i still suggest you get some counselling for yourself to try and bring the old you back and to bring some clarity back to your life.
Talking really does help, thats why this forum is good!
have a good look around
Hugs
Fox
 
DirkDrippler

DirkDrippler

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Joined
Jul 27, 2017
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Canada
Thank you for your reply,
I live in Canada and currently my work benefits do not cover physiological services. In the new year, we are changing plans the would cover these services and will be taking advantage of them. My wife recently found out the her job does cover for a psychologist and she has had one appointment but has only scheduled a once a month appointment. I'm hoping that the psychologist increases the appointments to once a week. Regardless i'm hopeful because she has never had this type of treatment in the past. She has only been evaluated constantly for the type of medication she required.
 
DirkDrippler

DirkDrippler

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Jul 27, 2017
Messages
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Thanksgiving weekend just passed and I stood up for myself. It’s was obvious that her older sisters family wants no part of me. My in-laws are good to me but her older sister and family have a perception of me that has been fostered by her husband. I got up and walked out of my in-laws home. Ended up walking home. My wife got upset that I left in that manner and said it was immature. Well the way they treat me was immature and for the fact that I still have no idea what started all this is immature in itself. Sunday she of course refused to go to Thanksgiving lunch at my mom's and said that we should start doing family events separately. Well is not that immature considering my family has never treated her badly and have always welcomed her and she knows it. When she is upset, she gets really mean and resentful. Starts to say things that are hurtful. Then I get anxiety because I do not know what she is going to do or react. She kept saying that this time it is over and I am leaving. More than half the time she forgets weeks later what she had said. However, I carry the memory because I never forget.

Well yesterday, we had a good day, we are home this week on holidays and it seems what has happened this past weekend is behind us. I have no regrets of what I have done. We spent quite a bit of time together without any problems. I have since apologized to my in-laws for walking out without saying goodbye. I believe they understand because the situation is obvious.

Still anxious about the future. Not sure from day to day what to expect.

My kids are confused as well and don't understand. Unfortunately for the most part of there lives this is all they have ever known from there mother.
 
DirkDrippler

DirkDrippler

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Joined
Jul 27, 2017
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Been reading my last post and feel that i may of come off wrong. There are many details to how it all has come to be with my wife's sisters family. Because of there opinion/perception of me it seems they may be influencing her thoughts and possibly taking advantage of her struggle. It's always been obvious there has been jealousy on there part because we are 2 different families with 2 different views. We were all great friends since our teenage years and there was nothing i wouldn't of done for them. So my frustration of not knowing till this day what severed my relationship with them has caused me some depression especially when i ruminate on what i possibly could of done.

Regardless it's beyond my control and i'm learning/trying to live with it.

I started this post to help me adjust and receive some not bias support while my wife is trying to get help for her struggle. I will admit that throughout my life i have dealt with depression and anxiety in some smaller form but have been able to deal with it by keeping myself occupied with my kids and family.

Last few years have been more difficult doing family time as my wife has had more difficulty finding energy/focus and that's understandable. Most of the time these days it's just my son, daughter and I doing things together. This makes me feel uncomfortable at times because i feel leaving her behind and alone in her thoughts may be encouraging her to want to leave. When she says she wants to, the claim that we don't need her and we will be fine without her and we manage well always comes up.

I may be old school but i committed to this relationship for better or for worse just like out vows. We have had financial issues in our younger years and we got through that. We have many different obstacles together and we have always been able to get through them and we became better partners for it.

If for nothing else, this forum is a good place for journaling my thoughts and feelings
 
DirkDrippler

DirkDrippler

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Jul 27, 2017
Messages
5
Location
Canada
Well it's been a couple weeks and things are still the same. She has upped her appointments with the psychoanalyst to every 2 weeks. She has not been given or she refuses to take anti-depressants.

I do not ask because she will get upset and question why i'm pushing it when i am just asking out of concern.

One of the biggest frustrations I have is her addictive Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest habit. She can spend hours on these sites. Most of what she is interested in, is negative meme's or phrases that encourage her feelings of running.

Has anyone else delt with this type of behaviour with MI or as a spouse?
 

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