- Dec 20, 2018
Hi everyone. I'm feeling pretty shi**y and have been feeling like this for some time now and I need to figure out where to go with my life from here. I've been with my partner for 9 years and we have a 6yr old son. I work a minimum wage job around my child being at school as my boyfriend "can't" help out with childcare. Hes self employed. It always gets thrown in my face that I don't contribute enough towards the home and he calls me lazy. My self esteem is at rock bottom. He comes back from work, doesn't interact with me, sits upstairs away from me as he says he needs to relax after work and only comes down when I'm taking our son to bed. I feel so lonely, if I try and talk to him it will almost always turn into a arguement and he will tell me he has to sit away from me as he hates being around me, I'm boring, im this I'm that. We sleep in separate beds. There's barely any interaction with my son either. My son is my absolute world and we are very very close, I think he's just used to daddy not sitting with us. My bf watches him once every other week while i work a evening shift for 3 hours and thats about it. He has been quite verbally abusive towards me over the years I.e telling me what a sh*t person I am but over the course of the last 9 monthsr i've become quite nasty back to him and said things I'm not proud of in retaliation. I've become very detached from myself and just don't seem to care anymore or have proper feelings or thoughts, I used to cry when he would say things to me now I feel nothing. I've lost all motivation to talk to friends or bother keeping in contact with them, I don't want to shower or put make up on anymore, I can't wake up in the mornings. I get up, take son to school, work inbetween, pick son up, go home, cook, clean boyfriend comes in says hi and disappears upstairs until we go upstairs, i bathe son and get him to bed. On top of that I hate my job but feel like I don't have the confidence to start over in a new job. I know I need to leave the relationship as there isn't even a relationship anymore, he doesn't want the life he's got and I'm just at a loss. How can I get myself back together, and at the very least find motivation to be clean and talk to friends again? I'm not very financially stable so I feel trapped but I'm so deeply unhappy right now.