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overwhelmed/freaked/paralysed

I

ibi88

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 2, 2012
Messages
98
Hey guys, it's me again.

just need to get this down, because I feel like screaming or hurting myself, so here goes:

I'm a student and right now it's semester break (january and february). so all I'm doing is sitting at home with no daily routine whatsoever, worrying about all kinds of things I should be doing but just don't know how.

I'm doing two MA degrees and in one subject I only need 2 more courses, which I will take next semester, and I need to write my MA theses. I talked to a prof last week who said he would supervise the paper, but now I need to come up with a topic and contact him (he also suggested a topic but I don't like it and I should tell him, but I have no better idea myself...). The plan is that I finish the thesis in the course of this year. for the other subject, I still need 6 or 7 courses, which I won't be able to take in one semester, so it's probably gonna be 2 more, but I also lack motivation to take any courses and I'm really loosing interest in finishing the degree. but I already have a supervisor for the MA thesis in this subject as well, I even have a topic! problem: I haven't contacted my supervisor in over half a year!!!! I'm sooo scared to contact her, I don't know what she's gonna say and I don't know what I'm supposed to say! I should somehow explain to her that it will still take about a year before I can start working on the thesis, because I have to finish another MA first..... plus, as I already said, I don't even know whether I want and will finish the degree!!!

somehow I have no idea what to do and where to start. it's all too much and I just want to crawl back into bed for the rest of the year. I know that the first step would be so simple: just write 2 emails to my 2 supervisors. but I just CAN'T..... and apart from all that, I should call 2 therapists to see if they have time for me.... and I can't get myself to pick up the phone either.

I feel like I need someone who can sort out my life, 'cause I'm apparently not able to do so myself, but I know what there is no one there to do that for me. so I'm just sitting at home, waiting for things to get even more complicated :(

oh, and I forgot: I should also look for a job, 'cause I'm out of money!
 
K

KyleSCSpence

Member
Joined
Jan 2, 2013
Messages
20
It's alright man, times must feel rough yeah? :) everything is going to be fine just you wait and see.
So by the sounds of it there's a few things that are causing you distress and it could help if you dealt with the feelings one at a time. These are only the things I get a sense of:
-anxiety about what will happen if you don't pass
-feeling guilty that you are letting other people down
-feeling guilty that you are losing interest in finishing the degree
-feeling guilty that you are causing people undue work
-anxiety to do the things you feel you need to
-guilt that you are feeling anxiety over the things you feel you need to

Its alright to feel these things man :) These are the kinds of things that feel good to express :)
 
I

ibi88

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 2, 2012
Messages
98
wow, yeah, lots of guilt and anxiety, apparently... now I feel pathetic..... but thanks for the kind words!
 
K

KyleSCSpence

Member
Joined
Jan 2, 2013
Messages
20
Hey man its okay to feel those things and it doesn't make you pathetic, your feelings are important :)
 
pepecat

pepecat

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Joined
Jul 19, 2010
Messages
13,793
Location
middle earth
Um......

What are your two degrees in? Do you need one more than the other for a job / career?
Doing two MAs is pretty unusual - and flippin lot of hard work!

I guess the thing to do is have a think about if you need both (or either) degree for a job, and then you can decide to carry on with it, or with both of them, cos you might just love the subject, but it sounds like you're a bit fed up with it at the moment.
Supervisors are probably fairly used to students not contacting them for a while, or even students dropping out. It happens.... Cos at the same time as we're doing our degrees, life happens around us and it impacts on our studies. I'm doing a part time PhD - due to finish in Oct, but through the last six years of it it feels like it's been one thing after another, but as my supervisor said, stuff happens! Uni is not a bubble cut off from the rest of the world.
Could you even interrupt your studies for a bit while you decide what to do? Or interrupt one of the MAs and carry on with the other one so you're not having to concentrate on both at the same time?
Another question - sorry - do you get on better with one of your supervisors than the other, or a tutor better than either of them? It might be worth going to see the one you feel you can talk to and say 'look this is where i'm at' and see how the uni can help. They're generally pretty good and helping out students if they need it, as long as you let them know what's going on.
 
I

ibi88

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 2, 2012
Messages
98
degrees: english linguistics and gender studies

gender studies is the one I'm loosing interest in. as for future jobs: I have no f***ing idea what to do with my life, so I'm not sure whether I can need either of the degrees. don't know the supervisors too well either, but I guess I'll have to talk to the gender studies supervisor. I've been thinking about taking a break from that degree, but I'm not sure if that's actually possible.... and I've already invested so much time and effort, that it feels like giving up or failing if I quit
 
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