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Overcoming cheating

F

franky21

New member
Joined
Nov 6, 2019
Messages
2
Location
Australia
I am going down the path of diagnosis so far it has been noted I have borderline personality traits on the past. Left untreated. I have ever since starting my relationship with my partner 5 years ago been absolutely terrified he is going to leave me. I became obsessive over all of his social media and his life. I was convinced he didn’t love me. I adore him, he is my world. After the birth of our 2nd child, a year later I just felt like we weren’t connected, i felt like he just didn’t want me. He blocked me from accessing any of his things and I felt compelled to speak to my ex boyfriend...... i don’t feel anything towards this guy but we began to talk and I have emotionally online cheated with him. My partner is so angry, I don’t know if he will stay with me. I’m trying to get help..... is this a common trait to have after constant rejection or life stress...even if I wasn’t rejected and it was all in my head. What can I do to help fix it and myself ? I love him and I don’t want to loose him.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,141
Location
Nowhere
yes I would think that is pretty common
even for people without MH issues
I would certainly react like that

I would expect a partner to get over it
if its only online activity

if he is inconsolable
then you might need to seek therapy for the relationship
either both of you together
or if he wont go, then you can go on your own

you can even go to relationship counselling on your own

:hug5: ✨
 
Lunus

Lunus

Well-known member
Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,009
Location
Norfolk
I am going down the path of diagnosis so far it has been noted I have borderline personality traits on the past. Left untreated. I have ever since starting my relationship with my partner 5 years ago been absolutely terrified he is going to leave me. I became obsessive over all of his social media and his life. I was convinced he didn’t love me. I adore him, he is my world. After the birth of our 2nd child, a year later I just felt like we weren’t connected, i felt like he just didn’t want me. He blocked me from accessing any of his things and I felt compelled to speak to my ex boyfriend...... i don’t feel anything towards this guy but we began to talk and I have emotionally online cheated with him. My partner is so angry, I don’t know if he will stay with me. I’m trying to get help..... is this a common trait to have after constant rejection or life stress...even if I wasn’t rejected and it was all in my head. What can I do to help fix it and myself ? I love him and I don’t want to loose him.
There are two things here. One is your actions, which despite BPD traits you must take full responsibility for. The second is your intent to get better, through self help material or DBT (Dialectical Behavioural Therapy).
BPD causes many traits from anger to abandonment to feeling unloved or unloveable. These thoughts are based purely on feelings rather than facts, and to make matters worse we then use cognitive distortions to further distance the situation from reality.
Despite your regret it’s highly possible this behaviour will be repeated if you do not seek help. Talk to your partner, both recognise it’s the illness affecting your behaviour. It’s not you. You can recover from BPD so maybe visit your doctor and see what happens.
 
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