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out of control

K

kmwt3

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 10, 2014
Messages
56
I can't stand this anymore. I take offense to everything .. I don't sleep.. I cry for no reason .. I yell and punch things .. I scream.. I'm so out of control right now. These emotions are unbearable and taking over my life. I guess I shouldn't be surprised . I've been like this all my life but I was getting better. I was feeling good. Everything is going downhill now. I'm pushing my family away. My hubby said he's leaving me. . He can't handle my moods. My son thinks I hate him . I can't stand myself. I'm such a horrible person. I want it to end. I've gone my whole life like this and I've had enough. Everyone says it'll get better .. storm before the calm .. it's been 12 years since I was diagnosed and things are not better . I can't go my whole life feeling this way. I've given it 12+ years and nothing has changed other than my drug use. I don't want to live the rest of my life feeling this way. I'm going to end it. What kind of life is this?? Living in pain all the time.. I don't want to live like this. I've tried making positive changes like quitting drugs and alcohol. I'm taking my meds. I'm doing everything I can and nothing works . I'm done. I can't do this anymore..
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Hi kmwt3,

Sorry you are feeling out of sorts.

Well done for quitting the alcohol and drugs,

Have you tried any support groups such as NA or AA? Or are there any social groups or activities that you could join? It can give you a feeling like you're not alone, help you handle life differently, help your emotions, give you a bit more support etc.

Best wishes x
 
Q

queta

Member
Joined
Mar 16, 2015
Messages
6
Hello:
I am so sorry that you are feeling that way. Great job on quitting the alcohol and drugs; that can be very, very difficult. I joined the forum today so that I could reply to your post. Know that there are people out here who care about you and what you're going through. Maybe you can get a change of prescription? I have had to go through a lot before I was put on the right medications, and though I still struggle I can tell you that it gets better. I will say a prayer for you.
Hang in there,
Queta
 
K

kmwt3

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 10, 2014
Messages
56
Thank you for your responses. We are in the process of changing around meds. This is a new med I started about a month ago. He increased it two weeks ago. My hallucinations aren't as bad and I feel really good.. I snap REALLY easily though . After I sit there and think about how I reacted I feel like a crappy person which makes me think I would be better off dead .. along with everyone around me. . then I start crying uncontrollably . I have another app tomorrow so I'm going to talk to him about it again. Life is super stressful at the moment .. I just got home from the hospital with my son . He started coughing up blood so I freaked and we went straight there. It turns out he has pneumonia .. :(
I'm just at a loss .. dealing with life is difficult. . overwhelming .. at times unbearable.
 
Q

queta

Member
Joined
Mar 16, 2015
Messages
6
Hello:
I am so sorry that you are dealing with all this. How did you appointment go? Are you feeling a little better?
Take care,
Queta
 
K

kmwt3

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 10, 2014
Messages
56
My app went well. Turns out I'm pregnant so it's going to be a journey. I'm med free now and it's scary. My hallucinations are back full force and all I want to do is sleep. I have an app with my pdoc on mon to figure everything out.
 
Q

queta

Member
Joined
Mar 16, 2015
Messages
6
Congrats on the pregnancy. Hope everything goes okay.
Take care,
Queta
 
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