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Others who seem to succeed easily makes me sad

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strawberrywater

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One major thing that makes me very sad is how a lot of people seem to get very popular online (mainly YouTube) and apparently make enough money to afford a nice place to live and a nice car. I don't necessary mean the people with mega-millions of followers, but people with about 500k-1 million.

Maybe I sound jealous, but I just don't think it's fair to those of us who (no matter what) struggle to find work and who have never been popular. I tried YT for 2 years and got just over 1,000 subscribers, but never made $100.

I was just watching a vlog from a girl my age with 800k subs. She lives in a giant apartment by herself with a kitchen that's bigger than the current apartment I live in with my parents. I'm not saying I personally want that -- but why would a single girl need such a lavish place? Another similar vlogger made a video about budgeting - yet she drives a Mercedes Benz SUV -- again why would a single girl need such a big lavish vehicle? If you truly want to budget, then perhaps choose a less expensive car?

I have a Bachelor's but can't find decent work where I live. It's my main struggle. I've been unemployed for about a year. But what really bothers me is how people get popular online and it's like they're basically given money. It's like they're popular because they're semi attractive -- and somehow that leads them to make all kinds of money. It just makes me sad, and mad. One person I knew personally always asked for "donations" on their channel - and they got something like $10k by that alone, then bought a car.

I'm just really sick of people making a living on social media. I don't understand it - is it luck? Who really cares to watch a video about what someone eats in a day? I don't understand it.

I just want a normal life - nothing lavish. I'm not asking for a Ferrari and a penthouse. But I wish getting money in life could be as easy for me as it is for these people. I really hope it all ends one day and no one will be allowed to make a living by being popular online. It just makes me feel horrible about myself that I'll never have life that easy because I'm not pretty.
 
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ZechariahElijah

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Ok... I just need to ask the obvious question... if watching these people on YouTube makes you feel horrible about yourself... why don’t you just stop watching them?

Those of us who grind it out to make a living will never write any books about it. And there are lots of us. We need to focus on the positives of what we can do. It might be helpful to avoid giving mental space to things that make us feel down on ourselves.
 
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Zoe1

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n yeah you are making a judgement of yourself
as ' not pretty ' ...

would you judge anyone else like that ?
are they all either pretty or not pretty ?

if you look for the personality that shines out
 
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strawberrywater

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Ok... I just need to ask the obvious question... if watching these people on YouTube makes you feel horrible about yourself... why don’t you just stop watching them?

Those of us who grind it out to make a living will never write any books about it. And there are lots of us. We need to focus on the positives of what we can do. It might be helpful to avoid giving mental space to things that make us feel down on ourselves.
I did quit social media (twitter, facebook, etc) because I couldn't stand seeing all those "viral" posts because I know people make money from them. I still use YouTube to watch many things but I just sometimes come across those vloggers - like today I was only looking at apartments in a certain city to see what they're like, and that's when I saw that one vlogger. I was looking for a more real estate-type video, not a vlogger, you know? But yeah I don't purposely watch them but it's hard to totally block it out when online
 
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strawberrywater

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n yeah you are making a judgement of yourself
as ' not pretty ' ...

would you judge anyone else like that ?
are they all either pretty or not pretty ?

if you look for the personality that shines out
Thing is, I don't have much of a personality either. I'm not very cheerful/upbeat but I can't help it. I feel like I am, but then when I see myself recorded I look like a zombie. I have zero self esteem and have had that issue for many years. Whenever I would be confident or try to be outgoing, someone always put me down for it, so I feel like I've been conditioned to lay low. It's just very sad for me
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

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Comparing yourself to other people is usually not a good idea. For you, it makes you very sad. Like @ZechariahElijah said, "if watching these people on YouTube makes you feel horrible about yourself... why don’t you just stop watching them?" What percentage of people on YouTube would you consider to be "successful," how ever you define that to be. One percent? Five percent? Even ten percent? For anyone, it's extremely difficult to join that exclusive club. You will always be very sad if you keep on trying to join that club. Be thankful for what you do have. A lot of people in this world would be jealous of you for what you do have.
 
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Zoe1

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Whenever I would be confident or try to be outgoing, someone always put me down for it
I actually think most people get that at some point
regardless of what they look like

I know what you mean I'm not very confident myself at times
but I will push through the pain to an extent

I just think the problem lies
in judging people as pretty and not pretty
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

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You said, "Maybe I sound jealous, but I just don't think it's fair to those of us who (no matter what) struggle to find work and who have never been popular."

If you read about the cognitive distortions, one of them is the "Fallacy of Fairness."

In 1976, psychologist Aaron Beck proposed the theory behind cognitive distortions, and in the 1980s, David Burns popularized it with common names. Here is the "Fallacy of Fairness" below:

Fallacy of Fairness

This cognitive distortion refers to measuring every behavior and situation on a scale of fairness. Finding that other people don’t assign the same value of fairness to the event makes you resentful.

In other words, you believe you know what’s fair and what isn’t, and it upsets you when other people disagree with you.

The fallacy of fairness will lead you to face conflict with certain people and situations because you feel the need for everything to be “fair” according to your own parameters.

But fairness is rarely absolute and can often be self-serving.
 
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strawberrywater

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You said, "Maybe I sound jealous, but I just don't think it's fair to those of us who (no matter what) struggle to find work and who have never been popular."

If you read about the cognitive distortions, one of them is the "Fallacy of Fairness."

In 1976, psychologist Aaron Beck proposed the theory behind cognitive distortions, and in the 1980s, David Burns popularized it with common names. Here is the "Fallacy of Fairness" below:

Fallacy of Fairness

This cognitive distortion refers to measuring every behavior and situation on a scale of fairness. Finding that other people don’t assign the same value of fairness to the event makes you resentful.

In other words, you believe you know what’s fair and what isn’t, and it upsets you when other people disagree with you.

The fallacy of fairness will lead you to face conflict with certain people and situations because you feel the need for everything to be “fair” according to your own parameters.

But fairness is rarely absolute and can often be self-serving.
This sounds like me. I tend to measure everything in fairness and believe everything should be a chance of equal opportunity. But I just wish the whole social media careers would stop. It's just not right to give people money for making silly videos.
 
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strawberrywater

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I actually think most people get that at some point
regardless of what they look like

I know what you mean I'm not very confident myself at times
but I will push through the pain to an extent

I just think the problem lies
in judging people as pretty and not pretty
It's hard not to judge when that's how the world sees it mostly. I don't think I'm terribly ugly, but I'm not model. Sadly I look like a young teenager, though I'm almost 30, and I'm not taken seriously by anyone, not even potential jobs. I haven't been hired because I was told I look too young. I applied to work in a high school office and they said I was perfectly qualified but they couldn't hire me because I would be too easily confused with the students. I also don't think I'm ever approached by men because I look like I might be under age. So I guess that's not pretty or ugly, but it's my looks that hold me back from a lot in life.
 
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AlrightOkay

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No one succeeds easy. Each video uploaded has involved alot of work to get to that point. If you envy content creators and would like to live that lifestyle than i would suggest giving it a try. You cant get 50k subs overnight, it takes work, your first video will be shit, but you improve and gain confidence. Then the results are very satisfying, you have a community, fans and people who appreciate you.
 
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EclipticNight

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I have often thought of this myself. It's like some people are just given everything and I'm ignored. I started streaming not long ago but the only people who ever go to it are my two friends who usually are in the game with me. I've got a dry personality but I can make people laugh and yet still not one person watches. I've often wondered if I'm cursed. I will do or say things and people are not interested but then someone else says it and everyone loves it. It's made me rather jaded in secret. Are some people just better than us? What is it that makes them so much more interesting? I've never gotten a good answer.
 
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ManDss

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Yea, its really crazy. At least I try to dont put any attention to that, so dont think much.

The other day I read a new about someone from my country who made a lot of money by lot of reproductions of their songs, and his music isnt great at all, but its what young people likes.

Or when I saw that girl who sold the image of her meme.

I never liked memes, always seemed so dumb, and see that people pay so much attention to that.

And the donations on youtube just for show thelr llfe. Ill give donation for people who share intetesting information, but because share their life ? Haha, never.
 
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ManDss

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Are some people just better than us? What is it that makes them so much more interesting? I've never gotten a good answer.
Hmm, this thought is very toxic, I get that you feel annoyed by people making money in youtube, if you cant... its like... lets say I want to be a singer and make money singing but I dont have a good voice, then its ok to feel is not fair because people doesnt go to my concerts ?

If people doesnt watch your youtube channel and preffer other channels... Its like trying to be a famous musician playing clarinet, and feel bothered thinking why Billie Elish have so much fans.

But even people doesnt watchs you, its not you are a bad person, its just not what "the majority of people" wanna see.
 
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TheHeartHasAVoice

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I remember the Internet in it's earlier days when being social online with people was just chatrooms and IRC, ICQ and things like that. The internet evolved rapidly and the modern information overload is fueling nothing but depression for many people. I know how you feel. When I saw the opportunity for vlogging, youtube, amazon and facebook I got excited and tried doing some stuff myself and I made 2 small book sales on Psychology for a book I wrote but my heart was no longer in it. It didn't give me the happiness I thought I would get. I miss the old days of me being a child and not caring that much about comparisons. Or what other people have. I used to be much more satisfied with what I have when I was younger I didn't care about what others had and I think it's because I care too much and that's what causes depression. It hurts to be exposed to it though I know it's like when other peoples wealth is rubbed in your face it's a motivation or taunting but it's just not healthy. The information overload has made a lot of people discontent with what they have. It's tempting.

I just don't care anymore for other peoples success i'm exhausted I want to focus on my own life and children. Don't get me wrong, if you really want to give it a go you can do a startup and give it a try there's nothing wrong with earning a comfortable living maybe that solves a problem for you I don't know your situation. Business is business. I've only been working 1 day a week for like 2 years I can't find more work so I know the pain of employment issues. I can't stand my bosses sometimes but you know what recently I think I need to start being more grateful and looking for happiness with what I do have. If you think about it running water from a tap is a luxury some people walk miles just to get water.

I don't think we were designed to be exposed to so much information. It's overabundance and it fuels envy and things like that it's just not healthy. But again if you have a need then don't be shy from starting something for yourself there is nothing wrong with that. If it's doing nothing but ruining your happiness then let it go.

In my own case I just found the financial world too competitive and I'm happy looking for work now. It's just more peaceful for me I don't know about others. Everyone wants money these days there's too much competition I personally believe though.

One of the keys to happiness is gratitude. Seeing the good in things and being content with what you have. It can be hard in a materialistic world though.
 
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