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Others discovering SH

CatLord

CatLord

Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2020
Messages
8
Location
Europe
... I've been doing SH for about half a year now. At first it was easy to hide and people didn't notice. Even if they did, I blamed manual work for it (I did work with wood at that time and had a little accident, hence the excuse).

After that autumn came and I started using long sleeves but now I'm worried that when spring comes it will become harder and harder to hide.
The problem is by that time I 'covered' my whole forearm with scars; it's been really hard past few months (I'm sorry, I don't want to trigger anyone)...

How did you feel about this issue if you had the same problem ?
How did your surroundings react (family, friends,...) if they saw your scars ?
 
Straydog

Straydog

Active member
Joined
Jan 13, 2020
Messages
26
Location
Greece
That is a big theme in my life too. I ve been SH since 2009, so 11 years now, on and off. I wish someone back then had told me not to start this practice because it would become addicting. But here i am dealing with the aftermath for the rest of my life. I imagine myself being 70 years old (if i survive until then) and having to wear bracelets and bangles to hide the scars. It is a funny and humiliating image in the same time.

Those bracelets do a really good job for me hiding them, but i am self conscious when i wear them and always thinking what other people might think. Especially when i start wearing them again each spring.

From one point of view, i guess i am lucky that i can hide them. Where i live, no one goes around in public with scars, so i guess hadn't been for the bangles, i wouldn't be able to leave the house.

Another suggestion is to take care of the wound when it is healing. This can reduce scarring significantly and most importantly it is a form of self care. In a way, the way you care for it after the act, has the power to counteract the SH. In a way. You can look up online ways to reduce the scarring and take care of it and what restorative creams to apply.

Also, if you are willing to fight this, you can look up SH alternatives that can have similar effect as the SH. And if you haven't already, please reach out to a professional. You don't deserve to be going through this battle alone.

As for friends and family, don't care a lot about them. You are the one who is fighting so you should be the centre of your attention. Personally, i confided to two friends and it was a relief for me that they knew. But it was one of the hardest things i had to do in my life.

P.S. The most difficult part of my SH recovery was to realise that i had an option not to do it. That it was within my power to say no. It is very important if you manage to realise that there is a choice here. At least it was for me.

I hope all that is somewhat helpful. If you need to talk about it, feel free to message me anytime.
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
269
Location
London, ON
People, if they noticed, reacted to fresher scars with a combo of anger and concern.

I snapped and explained what all they were to my parents one night in my 30's... not a good scene, but it may have been what first got my parents to realize I was dealing with a severe issue.

Most of them have faded to nearly unnoticable now.
 
CatLord

CatLord

Member
Joined
Jan 12, 2020
Messages
8
Location
Europe
From one point of view, i guess i am lucky that i can hide them. Where i live, no one goes around in public with scars, so i guess hadn't been for the bangles, i wouldn't be able to leave the house.
I think there is no such place where your scars would be accepted as normal (maybe other than this and similar forums). I can ralate closely to you but have yet to feel the "fear" of going throught it..

Personally, i confided to two friends and it was a relief for me that they knew. But it was one of the hardest things i had to do in my life.
Im happy for you that you have someone like that. Those must be really close friends if you had the strength to confess to them. I did that only with my ... well now ex, but my partner at that time... And one friend who just happened to see the scars just before the autumn/winter seasos came. It felt disturbing knowing someone not as close to me knows about something so private to me. I felt kind of vulnerable...
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
269
Location
London, ON
Aren't you concerned with them spreading bullshit about you around ? When people don't understand, they tend to judge...
Unless they are very close to me, what other people think doesn't bother me much. At teh same time, people who know me at all know better than to mess with me that way. One aspect of how my BPD manifests means I'm very good at picking up on other people's weaknesses and insecurities; I pay attention to people - crossing me in that way means I do it back, and I'm much better at it.

The only scars I'm really paranoid about are from a suicide attempt. Every so often somebody notices them, and I refuse to lie about it.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2012
Messages
12,525
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
people at work have seen my scars

i let them believe my older cat Tigger does it when playing (some of the scratches are genuinely from her playing meowmy-is-a-bed-mousies, to be fair)
 
H

hello513

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 24, 2018
Messages
396
Location
rather not say
Last time I tried to self harm was an actual attempt to end my life. When I first started self harming it was an attempt to get used to the pain that would come from ending my life. Though I still have a scar from the attempt on my life I no longer self harm.

The suicidal ideation is gone as well. I am actually quite happy now.

AND IT BETTER STAY THAT WAY

At least i hope.
 
Straydog

Straydog

Active member
Joined
Jan 13, 2020
Messages
26
Location
Greece
Those must be really close friends if you had the strength to confess to them
Unfortunately there was a huge misunderstanding and we grew apart after a 10year friendship. It was very hard to learn to live without them, but i did. And i even made a new almost close friend. For better or for worse, life goes on.[/QUOTE]
 
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