L
Lorolei
New member
Hello all...
I just wanted to get an opinion on my recent experience as I'm unsure as to how to interpret it.
I had been feeling down for a long time- I would feel fine as soon as I got home but on the commute to and from work (and at work) I had started to feel desperately sad and I was being very harsh on myself. I had some upsetting feedback at work and that, coupled with my poor self-esteem and the fact that I've been single for quite a long time, was making me feel pretty terrible and not a very easy person to live with. So the first thing I decided to do was go back on the pill to see if it helped and I feel a lot better- it's been miraculous really, such a small thing. I must be very hormonal!
So feeling so much better I decided to talk to someone; it was almost like the real, stronger me was within my grasp and I wanted to grab her! And feeling stronger, I knew I was ready to tackle some of the things I've carried with me for a while. So I booked an initial consultation with a Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist thinking it was a really positive step.
Well, I went yesterday and I found the whole thing really bizarre. I didn't expect her to hug me hello or anything but she said 'hello, sit there', gestured to a chair, and then sat across the room from me, which felt very distant. I felt very ready to talk so I opened up to her questions but it was very cold and she frowned a lot- I felt alternately like I was a freak or like I had no right to be there. I was honest and said that I can be quite an angry person and also very impatient and she told me my impatience came across- ok, that's fine- but I felt no encouragement from her and she even said that I may want to 'run away' when I had come to her and was disappointed to hear I might be put on a waiting list.
I was honest and when she asked how I'd found the session I said that I didn't feel safe. I don't know whether she was reacting to my perceived confidence or whether it was a clinical detachment I just hadn't expected but if I had been less willing or able to talk I think the whole of thing would have been deeply upsetting. I feel a little bit like finally admitting I have a right to happiness met with quite a negative response and she even asked me whether I felt rejected by her, which I did.
I would just really appreciate other people's opinions as I'm not sure what to think and I don't know if I'm overreacting. I maybe made too many assumptions before going but surely people more brittle and vulnerable must go all the time?
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Lo
I just wanted to get an opinion on my recent experience as I'm unsure as to how to interpret it.
I had been feeling down for a long time- I would feel fine as soon as I got home but on the commute to and from work (and at work) I had started to feel desperately sad and I was being very harsh on myself. I had some upsetting feedback at work and that, coupled with my poor self-esteem and the fact that I've been single for quite a long time, was making me feel pretty terrible and not a very easy person to live with. So the first thing I decided to do was go back on the pill to see if it helped and I feel a lot better- it's been miraculous really, such a small thing. I must be very hormonal!
So feeling so much better I decided to talk to someone; it was almost like the real, stronger me was within my grasp and I wanted to grab her! And feeling stronger, I knew I was ready to tackle some of the things I've carried with me for a while. So I booked an initial consultation with a Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist thinking it was a really positive step.
Well, I went yesterday and I found the whole thing really bizarre. I didn't expect her to hug me hello or anything but she said 'hello, sit there', gestured to a chair, and then sat across the room from me, which felt very distant. I felt very ready to talk so I opened up to her questions but it was very cold and she frowned a lot- I felt alternately like I was a freak or like I had no right to be there. I was honest and said that I can be quite an angry person and also very impatient and she told me my impatience came across- ok, that's fine- but I felt no encouragement from her and she even said that I may want to 'run away' when I had come to her and was disappointed to hear I might be put on a waiting list.
I was honest and when she asked how I'd found the session I said that I didn't feel safe. I don't know whether she was reacting to my perceived confidence or whether it was a clinical detachment I just hadn't expected but if I had been less willing or able to talk I think the whole of thing would have been deeply upsetting. I feel a little bit like finally admitting I have a right to happiness met with quite a negative response and she even asked me whether I felt rejected by her, which I did.
I would just really appreciate other people's opinions as I'm not sure what to think and I don't know if I'm overreacting. I maybe made too many assumptions before going but surely people more brittle and vulnerable must go all the time?
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Lo
