Open about anxiety?

Kirstie1806

Kirstie1806

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Joined
Jan 31, 2019
Messages
16
Location
Manchester
#1
Hi everyone. I just wondered how open we are about our social anxiety. Are there people who are very open and not particularly fussed if people around them know, or are you quite closed and secretive about it like me? I can't bear the thought of people knowing. I feel like as soon as I had it confirmed by a doctor my boyfriend doesn't see me the same way.
I feel like a weirdo and abnormal. I'm 100% sure I've inherited it from my mum, who is definitely not all there and barely speaks at all, I have no idea who she is as a person. My biggest fear is turning into her.
 
Yodagirl

Yodagirl

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Mar 9, 2019
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242
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Georgia USA
#2
Hi everyone. I just wondered how open we are about our social anxiety. Are there people who are very open and not particularly fussed if people around them know, or are you quite closed and secretive about it like me? I can't bear the thought of people knowing. I feel like as soon as I had it confirmed by a doctor my boyfriend doesn't see me the same way.
I feel like a weirdo and abnormal. I'm 100% sure I've inherited it from my mum, who is definitely not all there and barely speaks at all, I have no idea who she is as a person. My biggest fear is turning into her.
I’m very open about my Social Anxiety. I wasn’t always, but I find it best to be open and honest. People use to think I was rude and kinda weird, I never wanted to go to social engagements or if I scheduled something I would always cancel. So now they know it’s just social anxiety and not something I have against them.
 
H

harsh-reality

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May 31, 2016
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239
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England
#3
I have known two women who both said they had social anxiety and like as you two have said - speaking out loud is a problem - but these two women they seem to dominate conversations - so I do have some misunderstandings about how this condition is diagnosed as from the two people I know they speak all the time - admittedly most of it is blubbering as they seem to nervously chat about nothing in particular a lot but I found them saying what they had hard to understand

I never been diagnosed with it but I have to say I often hated speaking in front of a few people and was often very very silent due to lack of self esteem and people may have considered me to be rude.

I never spoke at all at school if I could help it.
 
Kirstie1806

Kirstie1806

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Jan 31, 2019
Messages
16
Location
Manchester
#4
I think for me it's best that I don't tell people. Of the few people I've told they weren't brilliant reactions. I end up over thinking and that every little thing I do, they will think it's due to my anxiety. I don't want to be even more wary to show my personality than I already am
 
MeropeneM

MeropeneM

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Jan 18, 2019
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208
#5
I wouldn't disclose my anxiety especially not on medical forms. Some insurance companies especially group plans can deem you un-insurable.
 
Kirstie1806

Kirstie1806

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Joined
Jan 31, 2019
Messages
16
Location
Manchester
#6
I have known two women who both said they had social anxiety and like as you two have said - speaking out loud is a problem - but these two women they seem to dominate conversations - so I do have some misunderstandings about how this condition is diagnosed as from the two people I know they speak all the time - admittedly most of it is blubbering as they seem to nervously chat about nothing in particular a lot but I found them saying what they had hard to understand

I never been diagnosed with it but I have to say I often hated speaking in front of a few people and was often very very silent due to lack of self esteem and people may have considered me to be rude.

I never spoke at all at school if I could help it.
I was only diagnosed in December, I initially went to my doctors because I thought I might have mild autism - he said my symptoms sounded more like social anxiety. Yeah I was known as "the girl who never talks" at school.
 
H

harsh-reality

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May 31, 2016
Messages
239
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England
#7
I was only diagnosed in December, I initially went to my doctors because I thought I might have mild autism - he said my symptoms sounded more like social anxiety. Yeah I was known as "the girl who never talks" at school.
I go along to a gardening group now and one of the women who goes there who is an older lady said she never spoke at school either.

I don't know why I was like this at school - I often knew the answers but speaking in class was a big issue for me and this carried onto university for me too - I not socially anxious now but previously I drank alcohol to deal with socialising - however I no longer drink and after many years of extreme nervousness around strangers I seem to be more relaxed than I once was - I am pretty quiet in social scenarios still but that's because I enjoy being quiet and don't mind listening to others or simply enjoying being with someone in silence - am like this with my best friend of many many years.

We can hang around with each other and not say a word and we both ok with this.

I have tried internet dating but because I can ejoy being out with someone in silence when out and about this will never work for me on a date - ie hardly anyone is interested in the quiet one. I sort of felt dating you trying to sell yourself and was a very stressful experience for me anyhow..

But I am happier than I was and more confident socially even though I still not exactly Mr Chatty but I not that person anyhow …..
 
Kirstie1806

Kirstie1806

Member
Joined
Jan 31, 2019
Messages
16
Location
Manchester
#8
I go along to a gardening group now and one of the women who goes there who is an older lady said she never spoke at school either.

I don't know why I was like this at school - I often knew the answers but speaking in class was a big issue for me and this carried onto university for me too - I not socially anxious now but previously I drank alcohol to deal with socialising - however I no longer drink and after many years of extreme nervousness around strangers I seem to be more relaxed than I once was - I am pretty quiet in social scenarios still but that's because I enjoy being quiet and don't mind listening to others or simply enjoying being with someone in silence - am like this with my best friend of many many years.

We can hang around with each other and not say a word and we both ok with this.

I have tried internet dating but because I can ejoy being out with someone in silence when out and about this will never work for me on a date - ie hardly anyone is interested in the quiet one. I sort of felt dating you trying to sell yourself and was a very stressful experience for me anyhow..

But I am happier than I was and more confident socially even though I still not exactly Mr Chatty but I not that person anyhow …..
Yeah that's what I'm starting to realise about myself tbh- that I'm naturally a quiet person, introverted, don't like attention etc. And there's nothing I can do to change that no matter how hard I try. I'm at a point now where I'm trying to accept and love myself. Not everyone is gonna like me but that's OK.
I just want to enjoy being around people a bit more, once I'm over that hurdle I can accept myself for who I am
 
H

harsh-reality

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May 31, 2016
Messages
239
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England
#9
Is there not any mental health support groups and socials in your area kirstie - they will allow you to be who you are. There will be people who will have similar social anxiety issues and also others who may be chatty but they will all in general be supportive as most of them will understand what you are going through. I think my recovery began when I got out there again and enjoyed the peer support by others who struggle - ie they bit different to a everyday group of people where quite a few will simply not understand or be that helpful.

But yes allow yourself to be who you are - its ok for people to be very quiet if that suits themselves - being a good listener is often seen as better than being the one that dominates all the time anyhow - ie most people enjoy chatting about themselves so good listeners tend to make more friends than the gobby ones anyone I find.

It takes guts to get out there but maybe give it a go if you can and see how you get on - it dont matter if you not quite ready for that either - in your own time I would say...
 
ShroudedRaven

ShroudedRaven

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Mar 18, 2019
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Pennsylvania, United States
#10
Yeah, I've never really been open about it myself. I remember there was a situation when I was out with a friend at a group event and I got extremely overwhelmed at one point so me, her, and her brother went to a more secluded space. Apparently, according to her brother, their mom had been really judgmental about the fact that I got like that. I think that at one point of my friendship with her, her mom genuinely thought that I was mute since I never talk around anyone when I first meet them. Although she isn't the first to genuinely think that I'm mute.
I've always hated public speaking, whether it would be willingly engaging in it or being randomly called on it's always been something that initiates a slight panic attack and overwhelms me. That's still the case, unfortunately, but it seems to have gotten better since I've found people that I have more in common with than I ever have through my college's tabletop gaming club. If it wasn't for them then I genuinely don't think that I'd have a social life outside of my home with my online friends through gaming.
And it's alright to be a more quite, introverted person. It's safer, in a way, since it helps you to avoid the jerks in life that would only pour their toxicity into your life. What I've done lately is go to events or clubs that are regarding things that I'm interesting, such as a monthly poetry night, tabletop club twice a week, and a weekly DnD campaign, and these things are what help me to create bonds with people that are more similar to me and avoid the toxicity. I guess to summarize that last point, maybe try and see what events are happening around you that have interest in so that you can be around those who you can start off a connection through a common interest and then build on from there.
Sorry for such a long reply, I just thought I'd like give my experience with it and maybe like what I've done that has helped with it.
 
H

harsh-reality

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Joined
May 31, 2016
Messages
239
Location
England
#11
Yeah, I've never really been open about it myself. I remember there was a situation when I was out with a friend at a group event and I got extremely overwhelmed at one point so me, her, and her brother went to a more secluded space. Apparently, according to her brother, their mom had been really judgmental about the fact that I got like that. I think that at one point of my friendship with her, her mom genuinely thought that I was mute since I never talk around anyone when I first meet them. Although she isn't the first to genuinely think that I'm mute.
I've always hated public speaking, whether it would be willingly engaging in it or being randomly called on it's always been something that initiates a slight panic attack and overwhelms me. That's still the case, unfortunately, but it seems to have gotten better since I've found people that I have more in common with than I ever have through my college's tabletop gaming club. If it wasn't for them then I genuinely don't think that I'd have a social life outside of my home with my online friends through gaming.
And it's alright to be a more quite, introverted person. It's safer, in a way, since it helps you to avoid the jerks in life that would only pour their toxicity into your life. What I've done lately is go to events or clubs that are regarding things that I'm interesting, such as a monthly poetry night, tabletop club twice a week, and a weekly DnD campaign, and these things are what help me to create bonds with people that are more similar to me and avoid the toxicity. I guess to summarize that last point, maybe try and see what events are happening around you that have interest in so that you can be around those who you can start off a connection through a common interest and then build on from there.
Sorry for such a long reply, I just thought I'd like give my experience with it and maybe like what I've done that has helped with it.
I agree with this - get into interest groups if possible

Or groups where being silent is ok ie I go to a meditation and mindfulness group sometimes and its quite nice being in a room trying control your breathing so can you can become clamer within and groups like this you can practise the breathing and anxiety reduction techniques wherever you are ie at home or out and about also,

I have been doing yoga in a support group and I have found the concetrating on the breath does also slow the racing thoughts that are running around sometimes also.

But hopefully also if you want to feel more comfortable i guess its still important to try get into some kind group whereby you will gradually feel more comfortable amongst people.

It takes time and patience also and is a bit scary at first I agree

For a few years even getting out the house induced panic for myself.But I slowly found my way