• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Only come here when I'm low and I'm feeling guilty about it

Nutsy

Nutsy

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Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
362
Location
Southampton
In a real slump atm. Been forgotten about by my CCO, it always happens when we can't meet face to face. Reached out on FB yesterday and my friends got in touch, but even though they try their best they can't understand. I'm lucky to have them I know but I can't talk to them the same way I can to my CCO.

Got out today for an outdoor meeting with one of my addiction groups. First time we've met up face to face in ages. Also was the first time I've left my flat in over a week other than to go to the bins.

I've been reluctant to post here because I only ever come when I'm low or spiralling. I take but don't contribute.

Got damp eyes even though I can't physically cry anymore. I wish I could but I lost the ability to last year. Most that happens is my face scrunches up for a second, I start to break down and then nothing.

I feel so empty. Been really suicidal this week but I haven't told anyone. I find it extremely difficult to talk about that side of things to my friends. Been researching again too even though I've basically memorised Lost All Hope and everything Google knows about suicide methods. Still haven't got the nerve to actually go through with it though. Not yet.

I'll stop boring everyone now.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
7,054
Location
England
You are not boring anyone and you can write whenever you need to. I used to only come on when i was struggling too.

Are you searching and reading about suicide because life is too hard?

Feeling empty is a desperate thing. How do you usually fill that void?

I find that when i am so restless and beyond my own coping abilities, i walk out the door and go and buy a pint of milk. By the time i get home, i have at least overcome that particular hurdle or gotten through that hour. The exercise plus being around people, makes me feel a small amount better. The weather, the environment, it helps somehow.

Are you at the point where nothing is helping, at the end of your coping abilities? It sounds like you are close if you are looking at ways to kill yourself.

Do you have a doctor you can see to talk about this with? Maybe there is something they can think of that will help you? Appointments might be face to face soon. Can you call your CCO?

Please keep writing, someone is always here to listen and try to help.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
7,345
Location
Sheffield
It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
 
Nutsy

Nutsy

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Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
362
Location
Southampton
Got out today round town. I'm home now and still feeling shit. My mood seems to dip with the sun, or at least that's how it is atm.

I'm not gonna attempt anything no matter how much I want this over with. Don't have the nerve yet.
 
J

JeanPierre

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Jan 4, 2021
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Location
Southern USA
Why do you think we are all here? Same boat (sometimes) w/o a paddle. ✌
 
Nutsy

Nutsy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
362
Location
Southampton
I don't understand what you mean.

Low again. Went to the gym today for the first time in over 2 years. Felt better for a bit.

Now I just want to die again. Struggling hard right now.
 
P

Purpleplum

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Feb 7, 2020
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2,254
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nowhere
Doesn't matter if you just come here when you're low. Everyone comes here for different reasons.
 
Nutsy

Nutsy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
362
Location
Southampton
I hate being ill. Been over 2 years now since I really went downhill. I've got such a good insight into my condition I keep getting told, that's as maybe but it doesn't help me any. I still don't realise I'm spiralling until it's too late to try any of the techniques I've been taught in the groups and sessions I've done.

My symptoms have changed a lot, but it's not much of an improvement. I don't rapid mood cycle right now, but that just means I stay low and don't get any highs.

My friends are great, but I'm hiding away a lot and I'm deffo hiding just how bad I am. I don't like to put too much on them.
 
J

JeanPierre

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Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,096
Location
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I don't understand what you mean.

Low again. Went to the gym today for the first time in over 2 years. Felt better for a bit.

Now I just want to die again. Struggling hard right now.
I meant we all come here b/c we are struggling.
Y'all have become my friends.
 
A

aero89

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Dec 18, 2020
Messages
152
Location
england
I do the same. Only come on here when I'm feeling low and want help and cant cope with life. Feel guilt about doing this too.

I like to think that just sharing how we are feeling on here, will help someone else as they know it is not just them.

Sounds really hard for you. I Hope things start to get better for you.
 
J

JeanPierre

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Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,096
Location
Southern USA
I do the same. Only come on here when I'm feeling low and want help and cant cope with life. Feel guilt about doing this too.

I like to think that just sharing how we are feeling on here, will help someone else as they know it is not just them.

Sounds really hard for you. I Hope things start to get better for you.
We must all stop with the guilt.
That was ingrained into us as children. We must un grain ourselves.
Hope your day gets better!✌
 
Nutsy

Nutsy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
362
Location
Southampton
Struggling hard again. Just wanna go to sleep and never wake up.
 
Nutsy

Nutsy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 31, 2020
Messages
362
Location
Southampton
We must all stop with the guilt.
That was ingrained into us as children. We must un grain ourselves.
Hope your day gets better!✌
With all due respect you know nothing about my childhood. I know you didn't mean anything nasty but your childhood and mine were very different, and I can say that knowing nothing about yours because I absolutely know mine.

Still, I appreciate the kind wishes. Thank you.
 
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