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one time hearer...saved my life!

K

kindred friend

Member
Joined
Jul 15, 2009
Messages
8
hello everybody! I am not sure how well i will fit in here because i have only hear one voice and it saved my life. I have read some posts and can relate to the many mentionings of trauma, have had plenty of that. Uninvolved father, likely BPD mother, and somewhat angry and scary alchoholic step-father.

To begin with i have been declared to have "bipolar I" with psychotic features and in the past have been accused of being hyper-religious, the pills have toned all that down as well as just about everything about me, i feel flat like a pan cake, no ups no downs, zilch...flat. About 9-10 years before i was "diagnosed", when i was about 18 or 19 i was driving home from Christmas party when i heard the voice. I had been driving in the high speed lane and had seen no other cars for miles and miles. Suddenly when i came to a sharp bend in the road a gentle but firm voice told me to get in the slow lane. Of course i did this and as i turned the corner, over the hill flew a car (i think, all i saw was fast moving lights) flew by me going the wrong way in the lane that i was previously in. Being someone who feels more like a spiritual being in a material body i naturally took this to be a spiritual event. the voice saved my life, noetheless i was quite shaken. When i got home, my mother, step-father, and the couple down the road were all sitting in the living room, quite stoned. Would anybody be surprised if i tell you they all laughed quite raucously when i excitedly told them what happened?

I don't know if anybody here has ever heard a friendly voice or not. I have some very good friends who are termed to have "schizophrenia" or schizoeffective disorder", i hate these labels. The people who label us and determine that we are the ones who need medications to be "normal" like them are the same ones who venerate religious figures who are known as prophets and seers. In the book of Mark in the bible it says that even Jesus' own family thought he had lost his mind. Are we "ill" or are we special.

Sometimes (often) i wish there was a way to break free of the system. I know many of us embrace the system and many have been convinced that we need the medication. There are alternatives though, right? Does anybody wonder how st. john's wart got its name. How about afflicted people like st. anthony. I may not fully enjoy the "psychosis" that would come if i stopped my meds (they give me anti-psychotic injections to make sure i don't) but at least i know i am alive and things do become significantly much more interesting. Depression? well at least there is a craving for something anyway. Is there anybody here who would opt out of the system if that were possible. I mean the last time i stopped my meds (fall of '07) they used the fact that i was lighting candles in the dark and tearing tags off of my own clothes as the groundwork for hospitalizing me. Believe me i was not a danger to myself or anyone else, at least in my own opinion.
 
C

calfellows

Guest
KF,
Hello, and welcome to the group. Thanks for sharing your story. Certainly very interesting, and yes, I have had similar life-saving voice events. It appears to me that the tricks/delusions just come with the territory, and that it's up to the white spirits to keep us safe, untouched. I"m USA, LA (cajun), voices since 1967, bad since '78. Married, children, divorced, and so I didn't miss a whole lot. I haven't taken meds since 1980, havent needed theim. Sounds to me lke you are being "walked", being led to appear foolish to others; I've been there, done that. My only advice there is to ask for a new hand of cards, refresh the soldiers on the front line, Titus 3:5. Well, just wanted to share with you, support you 100%.
Take Care,
Cal
 
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