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Once upon a time.....bullied

I

Italian Mom

New member
Joined
Oct 10, 2016
Messages
1
In my early 30's I held a picture in my hand when, once upon a time, the moment I had my second suicidal thought was captured on camera. It was my sister's grade eight graduation.
Reluctant to get out of bed I was finally scolded into the shower; Before rising out of bed I thought to my twelve year old self, "I want to kill myself" The second time that thought entered into my mind was after showering and putting on a black dress and red lipstick where, in front of the camera, for a family photo, I said to myself, "Just try to smile S----a.........I feel like killing myself"
I destroyed that picture and a part of me regrets it. I cry for my younger self. As memory serves it, I was continually bullied at school over a period of two years by three boys who said I had a big nose. They were on the same bus to school as I was. So I was always late to get up not wanting to catch the bus. I was continually beaten out of bed by my mother. On one occasion my father approached me and asked, "Why don't you want to go to school?"
"There are bullies," I replied.
"Oh" he shrugged and walked away.
I'm sure at school everybody, including teachers new what was happening. And no one ever did anything about it. Now a days, it's different.
This led to my first suicide attempt which nobody knows about except for one psychologist and now you.
I swallowed a bottle of pills and woke up in the morning and my hearing was screwed up. It was like I was in a tunnel. I said to my mom," I don't feel good" She didn't question it and left the room. (I was so difficult so many other mornings) When I woke up again later my hearing was a bit better. And again later, it improved.
I did catch the bus to school the next day; Stepped onto the playground and thought,"I tried to kill myself yesterday." And I went on with the day.
 
F

foreverbeach11

Member
Joined
Mar 21, 2018
Messages
20
You have very vivid memories. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Have you considered getting counseling to help you through the emotion of your younger years? I know for myself I have memories of my younger years and sometimes I wish I could forget them. Wishing you the best.
 
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