Once upon a time.....bullied

I

Italian Mom

New member
Joined
Oct 10, 2016
Messages
1
#1
In my early 30's I held a picture in my hand when, once upon a time, the moment I had my second suicidal thought was captured on camera. It was my sister's grade eight graduation.
Reluctant to get out of bed I was finally scolded into the shower; Before rising out of bed I thought to my twelve year old self, "I want to kill myself" The second time that thought entered into my mind was after showering and putting on a black dress and red lipstick where, in front of the camera, for a family photo, I said to myself, "Just try to smile S----a.........I feel like killing myself"
I destroyed that picture and a part of me regrets it. I cry for my younger self. As memory serves it, I was continually bullied at school over a period of two years by three boys who said I had a big nose. They were on the same bus to school as I was. So I was always late to get up not wanting to catch the bus. I was continually beaten out of bed by my mother. On one occasion my father approached me and asked, "Why don't you want to go to school?"
"There are bullies," I replied.
"Oh" he shrugged and walked away.
I'm sure at school everybody, including teachers new what was happening. And no one ever did anything about it. Now a days, it's different.
This led to my first suicide attempt which nobody knows about except for one psychologist and now you.
I swallowed a bottle of pills and woke up in the morning and my hearing was screwed up. It was like I was in a tunnel. I said to my mom," I don't feel good" She didn't question it and left the room. (I was so difficult so many other mornings) When I woke up again later my hearing was a bit better. And again later, it improved.
I did catch the bus to school the next day; Stepped onto the playground and thought,"I tried to kill myself yesterday." And I went on with the day.
 
F

foreverbeach11

Member
Joined
Mar 21, 2018
Messages
20
#2
You have very vivid memories. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Have you considered getting counseling to help you through the emotion of your younger years? I know for myself I have memories of my younger years and sometimes I wish I could forget them. Wishing you the best.