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On my own trying to escape

SarahD

SarahD

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Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
Here I am holed up in a hotel room. Very lonely and completely isolated. I just had to get away from all the cameras, people watching me, following me, trying to get into my flat. It just became overwhelming. They are still tracking me.

Feel so low. Wish I could go home. Instead got to move soon to,cheap private let cos can't afford to stay here. They know where I am anyway. Have to be more careful so they can't follow me.

Can't cope with this anymore. I have had enough.
 
Jimny

Jimny

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Jan 25, 2015
Messages
307
Location
Essex
Hi Sarah, I hope you are ok? What has happened?
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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May 30, 2012
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7,826
Location
small town Ontario, Canada
That's really extream not being able to go home for fear of your safety. Can you tell us more of whats happening.
 
SarahD

SarahD

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Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
I just wanted to get away for a few days because everything was overwhelming at my flat with all the cameras and stuff. I was hoping it would reduce the stress so I could just cope with everything. But it was so stressful coming here (physical health problems plus agoraphobia) that at first I was very stressed and couldn't tell if it was any better here, then I started to feel really unwell physically from the stress. I can't use my phones cos they can trace them. And they've hacked my computer so I have to be careful what I say.

I started to feel some relief at first, but they are sending me messages, and now funny things are happening in this room. Plus there are mirrors everywhere.
 
Jimny

Jimny

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Jan 25, 2015
Messages
307
Location
Essex
Sarah, Is there anyone you can go to, or call someone to come to you. It sounds like it's not the best for you to be alone at the moment.
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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May 30, 2012
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small town Ontario, Canada
Awww I'm so sorry your going through this right now. My son JS goes the same type of thing and my ex husband does too. Honestly this can't really be happening to this extent. Do you feel manic at all. I always ask JS when he goes through this, Why would they be paying so much attention to you? And could you imagine the ginorous expenses that someone would have to go through to do something like this and for what purpose?. I know its almost impossible to trust when your feeling like this but is there anyone you can be with to support you and are you taking your meds properly right now as well.
 
SarahD

SarahD

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Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,095
Location
UK
Thank you both for replying.

I haven't told anyone where I am. I was in touch with my brother and my friend by email, they knew the problems and that I had gone away but not where. But I think my email can be read so I stopped contacting them. I don't want anyone to come here.

I had a message from mental health to see me on the same day I have booked to leave here. How do they know the date? I hadn't told anyone. I am going to leave early and move somewhere else.

I am not on meds for several months because they gave me tardive dyskinesia and if I go back on antipsychotics it can make it worse. I find it very distressing now, but if it got worse I don't think I could cope with it. I wrote to the psychiatrist explaining all the reasons I don't want to take the drugs, and she wrote back and said she totally agreed. But then she didn't send me a copy of her report to my GP (which she usually does). I got a copy from the care coordinator and it's clear the psychiatrist wants me back on drugs. I can't trust any of them.

Sorry for writing all this. I know there's nothing to be done. Just feel so scared all the time. Thanks for reading it.

Not manic, very depressed.
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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Messages
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Location
small town Ontario, Canada
Hun they have meds to stop the tardive dyskenisia from happening, and some psychs will let people go off drugs time to time to see how they cope and to see if a relapse will happen. It's not that unusual, which drug did they have you on if it's OK for me to ask? Not sure about your emails, is it possible your account password is known by an ex or family member. I know my JS changes all his passwords several times a month now as he fears the same as you. He can't go off his meds either anymore as his trust and conspiracy symptoms return within 48 hours of going off and get really really bad and his nasty voices come back as well. He does well on risperidone, and olanzapines at bedtime, but does have to take benztropines so he doesn't get the tardive shakes and tics. They work really well for him got rid of all the shakes and tics completely. He still hears voices but they aren't as bad and don't upset him near as much. It can get better hun. Keep your Pdoc appointment. You will find working with the mh team the best combination of meds that work for you, anything is better than living in constant terror and fear that your feeling now right?
 
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