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On behalf of my brother

J

jigsaw puzzle

Member
Joined
May 11, 2010
Messages
17
Location
Fife, Scotland
Hi, I'm asking on behalf of my brother who was diagnosed with psychosis nearly two years ago now. When it first started, he was hearing voices and panicking about time, giving himself deadlines which relate to both myself and my sister being in the forces and constantly being away, only being able to go home three times a year maximum.

He was put on heavy medication which made him drowsy and his actions were very slow and he was put into a mental health home for adolescents. Here he improved, but I remember my parents having to constantly argue to change his medication as the doctors were trying to keep him on this drowsy medication for at least two years, and as it seemed as he was making no more progress, they made the right decision. It was very distressing seeing him like this.

On a different medication, his symptoms seemed to reduce and eventually, much to the dislike of all medical staff, he was eventually allowed home. He was still on medication, but only a few months he relapsed and was admitted to another centre where my parents found that the staffing was much better.

Eventually, in the middle of last year he was finally at home with visits from the early intervention team.

Unfortunately, my brother was just 15 when he was diagnosed, and he has grown up to be a strapping lad, but is also being a typical teenager.

There have been improvements, he completed a twelve week course which helped his self esteem and it also included a two week work experience in M and S and this was proved successful. He currently has no work, but has enough GCSEs for a job despite his interruption in schooling and he keeps applying for posts.

However the underlying problem is the anti social behaviour that my parents have to experience. They try to keep him out of the house as much as possible, send him to cadets etc, but without including the normal teenage behaviour which includes staying in bed until 12, constantly on the mobile phone and internet which he pays for himself. At meal times he is constantly disruptive and upsets both parents in different ways, constantly looking for ways to provoke them.

My parents feel that they have nowhere to turn as they have stopped the early intervention team from being involved because they both felt that nothing was being done, feeling that all they were saying is that his abnormal behaviour is all down to being a teenager. I admit, some of it is, however I do not know the full picture, I hardly get told and neither does my sister, and we get no chance to travel, as we are at opposite ends of the United Kingdom.

Please can someone suggest anything as I cannot imagine what my parents go through every day, as when myself or my sister go home, his behaviour improves slightly. I cannot quit my full time job. The original medication that he was on, which made him very drowsy I think was Alanzapine - again I don't know the correct spelling, but I do not know what he's been on since, or is on now.

Thank you for your time.
 
B

Blondie

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
396
Location
Lancashire
Olanzapine?This is a major tranquilliser of the group of drugs known as atypical anti-psychotics. These are given to control agitation and disturbed behaviour.As a mother of a very moody 14 year old girl who is always on facebook,mobile ect it is difficult to separate the 'normal' teen from the 'troubled' teen.Have your parents thought of family counselling with your brother?
 
J

jigsaw puzzle

Member
Joined
May 11, 2010
Messages
17
Location
Fife, Scotland
Anger management solutions?

Olanzapine?This is a major tranquilliser of the group of drugs known as atypical anti-psychotics. These are given to control agitation and disturbed behaviour.As a mother of a very moody 14 year old girl who is always on facebook,mobile ect it is difficult to separate the 'normal' teen from the 'troubled' teen.Have your parents thought of family counselling with your brother?
Thank you for your reply, that sounds just like my brother. I know he's not on olanzapine any more. I still don't know what he's on now. My parents are considering family counselling, but as having spoken to them as recently as yesterday, they're still at the end of their tether. I have suggested that a punch bag that my brother buys with his own money should be put at the end of the garden so he can take his aggression out on that, which also defuses the current situation away from the house and hopefully he'll calm down.

My parents also expressed their concerns that they don't want him on his mobile phone/laptop until midnight. Now I admit that's partially teenage rebellion but also as he's talking to his 'girlfriend,' it's his hormones as well. My parents are trying to be reasonable, but the violence, whether it means kicking a door in or arguments getting louder because my brother refuses to accept what my parents want. Because of this he's not getting enough sleep and he is grouchy the next day, which doesn't improve the situation. I suggested, and I know it's harsh but I'm not there to witness the situation. I suggested that if he doesn't accept what my parents want at a reasonable time of night then they've got the right to call the police as it is anti social behaviour. This doesn't suggest that he'll get an ASBO, it just keeps him out of their hair for one night if he spends it in a cell and my parents will get a break.

Then they will have some kind of control, as at the moment he thinks he can walk all over them.

One thing that I have found is that my brother rung me at about 11pm a weekend ago, and I was calm with him, and his behaviour improved the next day, but for just the morning. I've been asked to ring more frequently, and I gave him an earful last night as I was cross he was still misbehaving despite what I had asked of him. At least he's being truthful with me and admits he's been angry. And that I've reserved a punch bag on behalf of him at the local Argos store, hopefully he'll spend money on that - as it is expensive, and hopefully he'll use it.

I'm hoping there will be an improvement.

In the meantime, it sounds like the police are proving helpful, as my dad quoted that (the police) 'are banging their heads against the brick wall with mental health government run societies,' such as the early intervention team. This is because the EIT see my brother and many others as a statistic and don't give a monkeys about them. Dad did recall that he has a contact number from an officer after an incident where my brother ran away and ended up in Scotland, chasing after a girl - don't ask lol, but they seem to be willing to help and may have a solution that isn't seeing my brother as some statistic.

Please let me know what you think.

J. Puzzle
 
pinkprincess

pinkprincess

Well-known member
Joined
May 3, 2010
Messages
85
Location
East Yorkshire
Hiya,
I cannot really offer any advice but I undertsand what your going through. My younger borther has just been diagnosed with epilepsy and it has brought a whole range of issues with it.
It is lovely that he has such a caring older sister to help him through. I hope you find the answers your looking for.
x
 
B

Blondie

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
396
Location
Lancashire
/www.youth2youth.co.uk/?gclid=CPWS-8Gr6qECFcOX2AodmhrlJA helpguide.org/mental/depression_teen.htm
I hope these links work.If not copy and paste into google.The first is for your brother.Try to get him to have a read.There is also a phone number on there for him to call if he wants.It's run by people his age which is good.The second link is for your parents.It has tons of info and other links for more help and advice if needed.
Also,may I suggest your parents speak to his girlfriends parents about agreeing to a time when they stop speaking to each other?Good luck.keep us posted hun x
 
J

jigsaw puzzle

Member
Joined
May 11, 2010
Messages
17
Location
Fife, Scotland
Thanking you

Firstly, thank you to princess and blondie for your support. It is very much appreciated to receive advice and being able to pass it on makes such a difference. I don't feel like such a loose end now when I here the latest developments at home.

After my last post, I've heard that my parents have taken my advice and when my brother would not co-operate with his communication being stopped at a certain time, there was a bit of a scuffle between him and dad, as my brother tried to start a fight when dad tried to take the phone away from him. To cut a long story short, which includes a kicked in door, my brother was arrested and taken away to stay in a police cell overnight. To reassure readers, my parents never gave statements so there was no prosecution made. My brother is still treading on fine ice though, as next time my parents will not have a choice whether or not they make a statement.

The next day, my brother rung home, asking for a pick up. He was shocked as to find that dad would not pick him up unless my brother met ground rules that were laid. This conversation was going on in the back of a police car, as he was transferred to a different station. So from this, and the fact that a police officer told my brother in front of dad that there is now a file on my brother and it is just starting to grow.

This, despite regaining control for my parents - as they haven't heard a squeak out of him since, is giving me some concerns. I know it was a desperate situation and there was a quick fix needed, but it's not the overall solution. The good thing is my parents know this.

The ground rules laid for my brother include having laptop and mobile taken away from him at either 10.30pm or 11pm each night depending whether or not he has to get up the next morning. Others include being good to mum and appreciating her - which I think is more than reasonable, rather than walking all over her - which is atrocious behaviour.

To answer Blondie's question fully, my parents had arranged family counselling and my dad quoted yesterday that they would have to cancel it because they believe that it is not family relationships that need solving, it is 'thug and violence' behaviour that needs sorting. I suppose this is partially true, however I have to admit that dad is a dominating figure within the household. It would be interesting to see in a few weeks time; how my brother would react on his own with only mum to supervise, as there have been sorry consequences in the past. I have looked at the sites you have suggested and hope that my parents will have a look too and suggest the youth 2 youth one to my brother.

In the meantime, I still have to ring my brother and re-suggest buying that punchbag as I think he spent most of Sunday in his room catching up from the sleepless night in the cell. My brother is also aware that he wants to keep a clean record as he does not want anything to hinder any kind of occupation that he may later have aspirations for. So he's had a fright, and he has to acknowledge that only his parents stopped him from being prosecuted - to which he has to be eternal grateful for.

Please keep the suggestions coming, and I'll keep you posted.

Thanks again,

J. Puzzle
 
B

Blondie

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
396
Location
Lancashire
Thanks for the update.Like you said,your parents calling the police was probably the shock he needed.I don't know how expensive it is but have you thought of a gym membership?The basic gyms are far cheaper than the bigger named companies.Maybe you could go with him and have quality one and one time?It will give your parents a break to.Good luck hun x
 
J

jigsaw puzzle

Member
Joined
May 11, 2010
Messages
17
Location
Fife, Scotland
I've thought about trying to keep him out of my parents' hair, and the so called 'shock' with the overnight stay in a cell lasted about four days before my brother was questioning why he couldn't have his laptop and mobile if his internet was turned off. Which is ridiculous, but it all kicked off with my dad verbally taking it out on mum for her giving in to my brother because she didn't want him pulling the house apart.l Mum is the one who fixes everything, and dad shouts until he gets his own way. Which I know is bad, but I've only admitted about a week ago that I've had a problem with his sense of control now, and I've written a couple of large posts about it. The good news is that I'm finally dealing with them and getting back onto the straight and narrow, but there is still a lot of pain to go through first, which is really starting to get tough.

To date, I have decided against ringing home for a week, simply because dad is too stubborn and stuck in his ways to listen to anything that I offer as positive advice. At the moment, my parents are deciding to endure another year of my brother's tantrums, violent tempers which ends up with my parents being battered and shouting matches lasting hours at a time. I'm even contemplating not going home for a week when my leave arrives in July. I have three weeks off. It's a pain because I'm thinking of mum and what she's dealing with as she always ends up worse off with two testosterone fulled males constantly fighting. So to relieve my parents of the situation, I'm thinking of asking if Richard can be sent up here for a week to stay at my accomodating boyfriend's house - as he still lives with his parents. Hopefully that'll calm him down a bit as he'll be able to do what he wants for a week. I need to find out first if it's alright, but my boyfriend seems to think it'll be good for him and at the end of the day, my boyfriend suggested it.

I hope at least that will give my parents a break. I do not want to experience such a negative environment, like my poor sister did when she went home for an extended weekend, as his behaviour did not improve when she was home either, which I think is a shame as she is a closer age gap to him than I am and sometimes things that I say get through to him via my sister.

The thing is, if I contemplate not going home for my summer leave, what will happen when Christmas comes around, when I don't enjoy a week at home when I go, and always itching to get back up to Scotland for New Year, as I have never celebrated this event at home. As I've acknowledged in the posts written for my problem, I have to establish that I have to feel good about making decisions for myself and not worry about anyone else. That's my own hurdle though.

Despite not ringing home for a week because I'm sick of dad's stubborness; I've had no call from them, because I reckon they don't want to burden me with this problem. That'll be it, but I have to accept that they're going to hell and back with my brother and they don't want to express their problems because it'll make me worry. It makes me worry more if I don't hear anything.

Oh well, c'est la vie.

J. Puzzle.
 
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