OMG what I just accomplished I used to think was impossible for schizophrenics.

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hello513

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I just got into a well reputable accredited medical nursing school. To properly put this in perspective I suppose I am not sure I am truly schizophrenic I have been diagnosed as such, but have also received diagnoses such as depression whith psychotic tendencies and bipolar schizo effective. The only clear diagnoses coming through seems to be serious mental illness involving voices that are real claiming to be real.

When I am in remission I am an extremely well performer I once held down a job while getting 5 straight As taking 5 hard science coursese I take great pride in that.

I get so pissy about having this condition because in remission I know how damn capable I can be pretty not bad. Compare that to how I am during a psychotic episode I end up whith straight Fs and losing said job due to incompetence unless I come clean about my recent hospitalization and play the illness card which in the past I wouldn't and now do which sometimes will save my grades by being granted incompletes instead of Fs, and time off work instead of being flat out fired.

Knowing what a capable person I am during remission time compared to psychotic episode time is what I hate most about this damn disease its like night and day straight As compared to very low Fs like below 30% fs.

Which is why I have my made its my life mission to shoot for permanent remission I learned if you are lucky maintain treatment it is sometimes possible to enter a state of permanent remission.

Honestly before learning of this possibility which doesn't happen for every one I was quite suicidal seeing the result difference between psychotic episodes and remisions that my life was destined to be miserable and not worth living suicide attempts followed this conclusion. I was determined not to be a failure due to a disease I told myself I would sooner kill myself and I meant it.

Fortunately some very smart family and profesionals eventually made me see reason while harder to achieve for people like us there is actually hope of living a decent quality of life if we are careful and conscious of our condition.

Mathematically schizos are more likely to fail in school, prone to joblessness, homelessness, high addiction rates, die on average 25 years earlier, way higher rates of suicide and so on The stigma is for people like us having this condition inevitably equates to a short miserable life which in my mind in my case meant I was just better off dead then living.

Fortunately that last paragragh doesn't tell the whole story. While this disease makes everything harder for any one who has it slowly I learned of some success stories people who beat the supposed odds associated with this dammed disease. Learning it was possible to beat the odds and hearing these success stories who went on to enter states of permanent remission, or even become stable enough to finish school and hold down jobs gave me hope again. So what the odds are against me I was wrong its not impossible to beat this crap its just not going to be easy. Knowing its possible is enough for me screw the odds if its possible to win I am going to win or damn well die trying.

Learning it was possible to beat the odds and this cursed disease in addition to getting into nursing school has filled me whih new meaning hope and purpose sorry for the language but I intend to beat this fucking bitch disease or spend my whole life trying.

Thank you for reading.
 
BetaMale

BetaMale

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Good for you if you're more fortunate than most schizophrenics. I have OCD and schizoaffective and don't have a job and therefore rely on my parents to care for me. However, please do not equate this with being miserable; with my family and hobbies, I am quite content with life.
 
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hello513

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Good for you if you're more fortunate than most schizophrenics. I have OCD and schizoaffective and don't have a job and therefore rely on my parents to care for me. However, please do not equate this with being miserable; with my family and hobbies, I am quite content with life.

Sorry if I came off that way judging you for not having a job right now I rely on my parents for that too I just don't want too, but I am ok whith if for now because now I believe I won't always have to and in the past during periods of remission haven't had to do that rely on them to take care of me

This post was more like I won you lost disease, and I intend to do more of it because I can do more it ive read of people beating it enough to do what I am attempting and hearing its possible to beat the odds of it Is frankly all I needed to hear I don't need the odds in my favor its possible to do this despite my condition I intend to beat it or spend my life trying.

Honestly even if I get my way I am always going to be relying on other people like the pchyatric team to keep me stable enough to get through nursing school, and stay stable enough to hold down that kind of job so I am always going to need some one elses help even if I beat the odds because to do it I need long periods of remission if not the ever elusive but possisble residual schizophrenia aka lifelong remisions which only comes from getting really good life long treatment which if you want to keep means psych treatment for life.

So even if I get my way I will always need another person to help me out in reality.
 
NWiddi

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With medication it's very possible to live a successful life with great achievements, I'm fine on medication although I still hear a voice that's not my own it doesn't effect the way I think or feel. The only thing my voice is making hard for me is learning to drive, he throws up images in my mind and tries to put thoughts of crashing in my mind, a lapse in concentration even for just a second can lead to an accident and cars are deadly weapons if you're not focusing 100% so for my safety and that of others I refrain from driving while my voice is still misbehaving but I don't expect it to last forever.

Quite a few voice hearers have degrees in psychology (Eleanor Longden and Ron Coleman to name but two) and have gone on to do great things for the hearing voices movement, although some disagree intelligent people can get schizophrenia and it doesn't lower your intelligence level once you have it even if you have a few hiccups along the way like your F's during times of psychotic episodes.

I haven't had an episode in over 3 years thanks to medication and could easily do any course I wanted to, unfortunately none of my local colleges do a psychology course and the Open University want £3000 per year to do their courses. No other courses really appeal to me.

The only thing I'm lacking to go on to do successful things is inspiration, I've never really had any serious inspiration to do much with my life apart from being inspired by my illness to help others through their experiences which I do via this forum to the best of my ability.
 
BetaMale

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Sorry if I came off that way judging you for not having a job right now I rely on my parents for that too I just don't want too, but I am ok whith if for now because now I believe I won't always have to and in the past during periods of remission haven't had to do that rely on them to take care of me

This post was more like I won you lost disease, and I intend to do more of it because I can do more it ive read of people beating it enough to do what I am attempting and hearing its possible to beat the odds of it Is frankly all I needed to hear I don't need the odds in my favor its possible to do this despite my condition I intend to beat it or spend my life trying.

Honestly even if I get my way I am always going to be relying on other people like the pchyatric team to keep me stable enough to get through nursing school, and stay stable enough to hold down that kind of job so I am always going to need some one elses help even if I beat the odds because to do it I need long periods of remission if not the ever elusive but possisble residual schizophrenia aka lifelong remisions which only comes from getting really good life long treatment which if you want to keep means psych treatment for life.

So even if I get my way I will always need another person to help me out in reality.
No need to apologize. :hug:

I just think a better barometer of success in fighting this disease is one's happiness in the present moment rather than one's achievements in life. It just wouldn't be fair for you to pit yourself against people who don't have this disease, would it? This represents a significant shift in my thinking in the past few months; I realized that we don't take our achievements to the grave.
 
boudreauj4

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Congratulations getting into your school. My story is that I started out at an Engineering school and got A's my first semester. Then as I began to get ill in the second semester I got B's, then my third semester as psychosis took over I got all F's and flunked out. Thankfully later when I started to recover, my mother took me back to the college with a doctors note and explained why I got all F's and they changed all my F's to withdrawals. A few years later I fully recovered, went back to college and graduated with mostly A's and I was second in my curriculum. I got a good job with IBM after college and had a successfull 12 years before having my first relapse. So a relapse may come for you again in the future, but it might not be for many years or not at all. So definitely go for it in life and don't let this illness hold you back, and if your illness takes a turn for the worse in the future you can deal with that when and if it happens. I hope the best for you.
 
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hello513

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No need to apologize. :hug:

I just think a better barometer of success in fighting this disease is one's happiness in the present moment rather than one's achievements in life. It just wouldn't be fair for you to pit yourself against people who don't have this disease, would it? This represents a significant shift in my thinking in the past few months; I realized that we don't take our achievements to the grave.

Oh its not about competing whith other people its all about what I want for myself. I want to become a nurse to do that requires a certain level of performance I can measure up too during remission and cannot when I am in an episode period.

I really don't care how my accomplishments compare to a person whithout a condition its about meeting the required bar to become and stay a nurse, and a good one at that.

its not about beating out some one else I am more in competition whith myself than any for lack of a better word normal person.

I want this for myself I believe achieving it and having it will make me happy its pursuit makes me happy and gives my life new meaning the idea of being blocked by some stupid disease like schizo is what pissed me off, and filled me whith anger, bitterness, and sadness.

Learning its possible to do it whith this condition is like getting a new lease on life.

I am under no illusions its going to be easy, but then life usually isn't easy for any one anywhere its still in my mind worth living in the end especially now that I know I can get what I so desperately want not to rub in some one elses face but because its pursuit has been a dream of many years to get and keep a life long goal whith deep personal meaning to me.
 
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hello513

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Congratulations getting into your school. My story is that I started out at an Engineering school and got A's my first semester. Then as I began to get ill in the second semester I got B's, then my third semester as psychosis took over I got all F's and flunked out. Thankfully later when I started to recover, my mother took me back to the college with a doctors note and explained why I got all F's and they changed all my F's to withdrawals. A few years later I fully recovered, went back to college and graduated with mostly A's and I was second in my curriculum. I got a good job with IBM after college and had a successfull 12 years before having my first relapse. So a relapse may come for you again in the future, but it might not be for many years or not at all. So definitely go for it in life and don't let this illness hold you back, and if your illness takes a turn for the worse in the future you can deal with that when and if it happens. I hope the best for you.
Thanks you for sharing a snippet of your story success stories like yours and I consider that a success story fill me with hope my life can be one too.
 
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hello513

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With medication it's very possible to live a successful life with great achievements, I'm fine on medication although I still hear a voice that's not my own it doesn't effect the way I think or feel. The only thing my voice is making hard for me is learning to drive, he throws up images in my mind and tries to put thoughts of crashing in my mind, a lapse in concentration even for just a second can lead to an accident and cars are deadly weapons if you're not focusing 100% so for my safety and that of others I refrain from driving while my voice is still misbehaving but I don't expect it to last forever.

Quite a few voice hearers have degrees in psychology (Eleanor Longden and Ron Coleman to name but two) and have gone on to do great things for the hearing voices movement, although some disagree intelligent people can get schizophrenia and it doesn't lower your intelligence level once you have it even if you have a few hiccups along the way like your F's during times of psychotic episodes.

I haven't had an episode in over 3 years thanks to medication and could easily do any course I wanted to, unfortunately none of my local colleges do a psychology course and the Open University want £3000 per year to do their courses. No other courses really appeal to me.

The only thing I'm lacking to go on to do successful things is inspiration, I've never really had any serious inspiration to do much with my life apart from being inspired by my illness to help others through their experiences which I do via this forum to the best of my ability.

I fully understand what you mean about inspiration actually that inspiration is quite easy for me personally due to events normally considered a bad traumatic and evil event in one's life this pursuit of a career in medicine was also inspired by life threatening physical illnesses.

I was about 5 years ago contracted a life threatening serious MRSA infection in my left lung half the doctors wanted to cut that lung out imediatetly it had nearly consumed half the lung the other wanted to try vanco the last anti-biotic still effective at killing that pernicious little bug. Actually I had an MD say "you have no idea how grateful doctors are something still works on that critter'

Long story short given a divide between the doctors I opted out of surgery, and went with vanco it worked the medicine saved my life. This among other health related illness one other being life threatening, but easier to treat and less life threatening really that one was only life threatening if I left it whithout treatment for many years this MRSA infection was at the point I was going to be dead in weeks or months unless it was stopped.

It was a nurse who first got a clue my life was in danger thanks yo her and the other medical team members I am alive to tell my story so that's where I got this pursuit of nursing.
 
boudreauj4

boudreauj4

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Thanks you for sharing a snippet of your story success stories like yours and I consider that a success story fill me with hope my life can be one too.
Ahhh, success. Well my success story in the past has changed. After my first relapse I no longer could work and haven't worked since. And my definition of success has become overcoming the little things in life. My biggest success now is that I raised two successful children and they are now adults with children of their own. It is a success when I get my infant grandchildren to smile back at me.
 
H

hello513

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Ahhh, success. Well my success story in the past has changed. After my first relapse I no longer could work and haven't worked since. And my definition of success has become overcoming the little things in life. My biggest success now is that I raised two successful children and they are now adults with children of their own. It is a success when I get my infant grandchildren to smile back at me.
I would kill for 12 years of remission followed by kids. My longest remission has been like a year. I didn't mean to presume I would just kill to be able to accomplish my dreams of nursing if I only got a decade I would still treasure it.
 
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