old old patterns ... helllllp!

[Irving Place]

Hi all,
so here's how it goes...
My mum phones me, asks how I am.
I start to tell her... but barely get many sentences out.
whatever the problem is, she launches into her own stuff, some of which is baggage from 48 years ago.
My problem is her springboard.
For years I've just gone 'mm... mmm...' through the conversation. For HOURRRRRS!!!!
But I am 52 now and a Big Grown Up Girl, so want to find another way to deal with it which won't hurt her.
Any ideas? Anyone else have this problem?
I'm dealing with some very serious stuff here myself. She cares but can't listen... not even for 3 sentences.
ARGH!!!!!!
rANT OVER... ANY RESPONSES WOULD BE GRATEFULLY RECEIVED!
THANKS
ip

 

[jamesdean]

Hi Irving place I dont have this problem my only advice is sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind esp if you have your own stuff to deal with I always think the best aproach in life is to be direct if you can , take care jd

 

[shazza52]

hello

oh dear, you,ve got to laugh not lol,, when i read your note, i really thought id written it , and forgotten,, i think we both have the same mum,, god i don,t want to feel so guilty about wanting to scream at her sometimes, but ,, oh i could strangle her,, my mum has had ,,im sure like yours every thing ive had but ten times worse,, and like you im 53 in march and she still makes me feel 5 years old,, im sorry to say it , but i was feeling really grotty ,but your letter has cheered me up,, perhaps because im not on my own. does yours make you feel that you should,nt have your own life, and her nerves,,,,,, are worse than anyone elses,, oohh she,s so selfish,, my doc says to tell her,, but how can you after keeping it in for years and she,s 83 now , im sharon by the way,, mum and grandma,, and live in the midlands .take care

 

[Irving Place]

Hi Sharon, you must be my secret sister! I too was glad to find I'm not alone with it! Thanks for yr reply! My mum can be nice and positive and funny ... when she shuts up moaning. Which she rarely does. It's all about old stuff, some that happened before I was born. She doesn't say she has nerves or anything, it's just that every flippin thing I tell her leads to some long anecdotal twaddle that goes on for hours... she also tells lies and rewrites history for maximum effect. Like, she always tells stories about how she TOLD so-and-so good and proper when he was blah-blah... and people were amazed and applauded her for her ticking off... and often this is about stuff I was THERE FOR and she did not such thing. Blimey! So the day I wrote that on here, it was day 14 of my son's illness schizophrenia flaring badly ... and I told her or tried to .. and off she went on six different rants, one after the other. I thought ... hang on ... it is 2008, November... I am spent and exhausted NOW just trying to keep my son from hosppital again... and YOU WANT ME TO NOW COMFORT YOU ABOUT SOME CRAP A GUY DID IN 1954? ARGH! Love IP XXXXX

 

[Irving Place]

Hi Sharon, you must be my secret sister! I too was glad to find I'm not alone with it! Thanks for yr reply! My mum can be nice and positive and funny ... when she shuts up moaning. Which she rarely does. It's all about old stuff, some that happened before I was born. She doesn't say she has nerves or anything, it's just that every flippin thing I tell her leads to some long anecdotal twaddle that goes on for hours... she also tells lies and rewrites history for maximum effect. Like, she always tells stories about how she TOLD so-and-so good and proper when he was blah-blah... and people were amazed and applauded her for her ticking off... and often this is about stuff I was THERE FOR and she did not such thing. Blimey! So the day I wrote that on here, it was day 14 of my son's illness schizophrenia flaring badly ... and I told her or tried to .. and off she went on six different rants, one after the other. I thought ... hang on ... it is 2008, November... I am spent and exhausted NOW just trying to keep my son from hospital again... and YOU WANT ME TO NOW COMFORT YOU ABOUT SOME CRAP SOMEONE DID IN 1946?
OMG! I'M STEELING MYSELF TO SAY 'SHUT! UP!' ARGH! Love IP XXXXX

 

[shazza52]

hi

oh bless you, lol, thank god,,we can laugh,, and how is your son,, how old is he,, it must be so very difficult when it,s your child,, no matter how old they are ,they are still your babies are,nt they,,,i have 2 sons , they are 29 and 31,, i had them young,,lol,, they both have problems,, not as bad as your sons,, but ben he,s the youngest,, has tried to commit suicide twice,,, he,s ok now tho, having said that,, he takes tablets,, and they help,, thats what happens when you,ve got a mad mum he says,, lol,,, my eldest is an alcoholic,, he has 3 kiddies, and he,s a softie,, so laid back he,s horizontal, perhaps thats the trouble, i could shake him sometimes, like me do you feel helpless at times, when they were small ,if they fell you could pick them up and make it better, not so easy when there grown,,,is it? just left mum,s who,s sat on the sofa covered with a blanket like old mother time,,, complaining of ringing in her ears, have to bite my tongue sometimes,, good job we have a strange sense of humour,, it keeps you going,, bless her she,s been dying since she was 40 and now she,s 83 ,, and by the way healthier than any of us ,, take care x

 

[Irving Place]

Old Mother Time

Hi there Sharon... your email brought tears to my eyes... like you said, you just want to hug your kids and kiss them better. Yes I feel helpless and also guilty that I was in too much of a mess myself to 'be a good mum' ... sometimes I think I must have caused W's illness... and he too says 'it's coz you're such a crazy Mum!' so I laughed at that bit! Your Mum dying since the age of 40 ... rofl! Healthy and fit, I'm glad, but how funny!
Ben and his brother and my kids too ... they have Mums who tried their best, which is all we can do. U are funny and kind, it will get us through a lot... my eldest now says 'you are the most steadfast Rock I've ever known' which floored me as I feel like bl**dy quicksand at times!
I can practically feel my Mum beckoning away across the miles, needing me to phone her for another long moan ... but tonight I've decided to REST, DAMMIT!
You take care. Thanks for replying... you've cheered me up and I don't feel so alone. Do you ever tell your Mum to shut UP? I dare if you dare! (swallows 6 valium at the very thought!)
hugs.
ChrisX

 

[Irving Place]

Hi there Sharon... your email brought tears to my eyes... like you said, you just want to hug your kids and kiss them better. Yes I feel helpless and also guilty that I was in too much of a mess myself to 'be a good mum' ... sometimes I think I must have caused W's illness... and he too says 'it's coz you're such a crazy Mum!' so I laughed at that bit! Your Mum dying since the age of 40 ... rofl! Healthy and fit, I'm glad, but how funny!
Ben and his brother and my kids too ... they have Mums who tried their best, which is all we can do. U are funny and kind, it will get us through a lot... my eldest now says 'you are the most steadfast Rock I've ever known' which floored me as I feel like bl**dy quicksand at times!
I can practically feel my Mum beckoning away across the miles, needing me to phone her for another long moan ... but tonight I've decided to REST, DAMMIT!
You take care. Thanks for replying... you've cheered me up and I don't feel so alone. Do you ever tell your Mum to shut UP? I dare if you dare! (swallows 6 valium at the very thought!)
hugs.
ChrisX

'I'm not in this for shit and giggles you know!' (John, my local pub landlord.)

 

[shazza52]

kindred spirits

thanx for the lovely reply chris,, not long come back from mum,s lol, mind you she started as usual ,and then just when i think im going to gag her, she puts her lovely head on,, abit like worzel gummidge,,, different heads for different days ,lol,,, could,nt you just spit when that happens,, i feel awfull then about moaning about her,, your son sounds like he has got the best mum anyone could have,, it must be so difficult for you,, and at least your son can,t help his illness,, i have just been diagnosed with bipolar disorder,, it,s taken 52 years,, but at least i know im mad now,,lol,, god sorry, i have a terrible sense of humour, think it,s the care work i did for years, first with the elderly, then adults with special needs and challeging behaviour , then the kiddies with the same,, it sounds bad, its not laughing at people its the things people do , and the circumstances you get into,, and acting daft with them ,especially the children,, i loved the work,, how is your son now chris,, i hope that your all keeping well , take care sharon xx

 

[Sine]

I loved reading your posts! You are both going through so much and can still laugh. I feel so much better because I was really low when I logged on, worrying about my two (grown up) kids. I realise things are not quite so bad and I love your dark humour.

Hope you don't think I'm going to be a stalker, but I'll tune in now and again to see how things are going for you both.

By the way, when my mum was alive, she could still make me feel like a 5 year old.

love Sine

 

[Irving Place]

stalkers and other goodies!

Quick hello to Sine... hello and thanks for message but alas! you are hopeless stalker material as stalkers do not normally announce their presence... they wear wigs and sneak about behind newspapers and dark glasses and stuff...

sorry to hear of your worries re. your own grown up kids. Maybe we insanely worried parents can keep some semblance of sanity on here ... so welcome in and out, as you glide about being the Worst Stalker Ever!

I'm still trying to work out how these posts work, keep posting twice for example, not sure how...

take care,
IP

 

[Irving Place]

Us

Hi Sharon,
we have a semi-stalker!!! yey!
I haven't worked out yet how to reply posts to individuals... maybe you don't... anyway here's yours...
our stories are starting to converge in that spooky way of Synchronicity...
For years i was convinced I was mad... then I got really mad about others saying I was crazy but not admitting I was truly mad, until I had a BIG breakdown and they diagnosed underlying mental health problems... I almost yelled 'I TOLD you I was mad!' The relief was in a funny way wonderful. But I'm still mad about it.

(Wild cackles..)

My son's still in the fragile stage but I think we've managed to avert that sudden deterioration and a possible section. (For him ... I may be another matter.) Thanks for asking... how are your kids gettin on? How's you?

Worzel Gummidge... hah! It suddenly all makes sense. Our mums are secret scarecrows... they have cupboards-full of different strawy heads... all designed to put our emotions into a sudden spin. It's still a bit bewildering as to why they have such Titanium-strong backbones if they are scarecrows at heart... and why my backbone feels like its made out of a wonky broom handle and a bit of farmer's twine at times... mysteries!

I am sorry to hear about your bi-polar diagnosis but do so recognise the relief... and I say that most sincerely to both of you.

Oh gawd! You have to laff! I asked my son years back 'how do you feel about having a clear diagnosis now of schizophrenia?' He replied' well... half of me is relieved... and the other half...' which had me wheezing laughing.

As for me, I just like who you are. Just think! We could be the only ones at a party and the room would be crowded!
Can't stop laffing and crying - wish I could make up my flippin mind...
I am sending your bi-polary Self hugs from my several identities... so that's a whole lot of hugs, should keep you engulfed in them for a few days at least...
(More sudden loud hysteria... what must my neighbours think?!)
C X

 

[shazza52]

me again

hello sine, i think perhaps we should have our own group,, mad mum,s unite..lol.. hiya chris,, your stories sound so similar to mine ,,it definately is uncanny,, yes i think sometimes a cleas diagnosis does help, at least you no what your dealing with,, i always said when i die, i want there you are i told you i was ill,, on my grave stone ,, lol, i think im comming to the stage now ,when i think if supposed friends ect , don,t like me or make comments, i really don,t give a s.... ha ha , sorry i,ve sat here five minuites trying to find how to put in an asterik , and can,t find the bloody key,, oohh how we laugh.. stilll trying tho to find out if it,s my newly diagnosed under active thyroid, thats making me feel, as if i have to drag myself round or a side effect from the tablets,,, nothing to do with having the figure of a womble ,,lol,,,eldest son is splitting from his wife,,, so another little one without a proper family unit,, never mind tho ,, better to live apart and be happy than staying together just for the little one,, not nice to live in an atmosphere,, ohhh big word for a thursday,, well spose i must,nt rattle on,, actually it really does seem to help writing all your feelings down,, we must find some easier way of contact,,, love sharon xxx

 

[Sine]

Mad mums unite

Hi, you two,

I am definitely up for the Club! Bagzee I be Treasurer. We could have AGMs in some seluded cottage in a forest where we could get everything off our chests and have a moan about everyone and everything. And make chocolate cakes and have drinks. And we would all understand, the following day, why we feel so depressed and wouldn't have to explain ourselves to anyone.

Stop me, someone, I'm starting to ramble...

So sorry about your son's relationship breakdown, Shazza, but you are right - better apart and settled so far as the little one is concerned. More mental mush for you to deal with though.

Regarding your poor old Thyroid, it took about 3-4 weeks before the Thyroxine kicked in and I started to feel less tired. I think you will get free prescriptions now, so that will help.

Love and choccies, Sine

 

[shazza52]

me again

hi sine, thanx for your letter,, sound good to me,, a little cottage , a drink , chocs, and a fag for me ,, sorry lol,,im a dreded smoker,,i,ll be the entertainment manager, as ive worked in care for years,, i can do old songs,, act daft,, and many kiddies things lol,, as my lot say in my company you end up mad for sure,, thanx for the advice about the tyroxine, ive been on them for a month and go tomorrow for another blood test , as they are not working properly yet apparently.. hey ho , more blood,, oh and an ecg for my tablets for my bipolar,, oh and my eldest and wife are aright again now ,,,bloody kids lol,,,you take care ,,, xx