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Old Friendships, New Beginnings

  • Thread starter Kavaris_Valiant_One
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Kavaris_Valiant_One

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Joined
Oct 17, 2019
Messages
999
Location
PA
Today i woke up sortve wanting to make a thread about our old friendships that never made it. And how we are looking forward to all the new friends and paths we've taken.
I cant think of the word, [maybe like a continuous apathy... Sorta neglecting to find a reason to stay in touch], or some who collected only the negative bits of information as a convincing reason to-not stay in touch... Dont worry, these people havent spoke to me in years, and they wouldnt care now.
But i speak on all our behalf into that shared feeling.
Do yous feel you are on a better road now, in terms of finding the kinds of friends that care enough to keep in touch?
Perhaps youve never had friends, and are just beginning to learn what its like. Theres alot of possibilities, and all/any venting is welcome.
 
S

Sugaree

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Joined
Feb 21, 2021
Messages
494
Location
California
I guess I don’t have any friends because I hide my anxiety and depression from everyone but my husband. I am ashamed of my abusive childhood and try very hard to be normal when I meet people. I am really good at not staying in touch if someone is trying to get close to me. I was a lonely child and I am still working on healing my past.
 
lilbit

lilbit

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Joined
May 3, 2018
Messages
104
Location
London
This is a sore subject for me. I yearned and longed to have a big family and lots of friends when I was young. I am petrified of losing those close to me and being all alone. The reality is that I struggle to form and maintain relationships because I'm so socially awkward. So I exist in this constant cycle of avoiding people because I'm shy and awkward, but dreaming of being part of a close social network. I made lots of friends in my 20s when alcohol was my crutch and I used it to socialise and come out of my shell. I don't have contact with any of those friends anymore and haven't really made many new ones.
 
S

Snowman12

Guest
I have always struggled with keeping in touch but my youth was before the days of social media and even mobile phones! I had hearing difficulties too so a regular telephone was difficult for me (a parent would have to take a call from a friend and tell me what they had said or what they were asking).

I went away to a residential college too then away to university so 'home friends' and 'college friends' were different kinds of people with nothing in common. I should say here I have multiple persona's and throughout that time away my host identified as someone who was culturally deaf, so they tended to hang around with other deaf born students and sign language users.

Several years ago that host left as there was an understanding that some of our difficulties with speech in particular was auditory processing due to the autism and we discovered when the hearing alters came out they registered more sounds in the environment but found many too loud and still wore the hearing aids but switched off to control the environment more.

Basically this seems to have lead to us disconnecting from the deaf friends, we now live rurally too, no-one else signs, the host needed most now to fit in is the persona of a middle aged woman who has some mild mobiity and communication difficulties but is 'otherwise normal' ...she fits in with the older neighbours and convinces family we've managed to 'grow up' whilst stil using video games as 'therapy' for physio and to prevent cognitive decline!!!

A younger autistic self sometimes slips out around family but never in front of anyone else, but family know we have autism anyway, no-one else does (some deaf students did as we were diagnosed due to a meltdown in our final year but we lost touch with them) No-one knows about the 'others' (alters).

Sometimes switching can cause difficulties if someone was visiting us in the past (pre-pandemic times) and the 'persona' they thought they were coming to visit - who they knew as the personality of this body - was not the alter 'up front'. I think messages and communications then seem to be 'distant' when we have read them back!

Dissociative amnesia also makes connection difficult when your memories of the person who believes theyare visiting a close friend are not available for you to know what your relationship is with the person visiting. I have big chunks of time missing from some parts of my life, because 'someone else' was up front having to pretend to 'be me' It does make maintaining relationships challenging especially having autism as well! :cry:
 
R

rdm41234

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Joined
Dec 14, 2017
Messages
60
Location
Southeast Louisiana
The one thing I am doing in my life now is, ridding it of those who I perceive as toxic to me, which right now, are most of my family, AND, 'curating' those who I feel have my best interest at heart. I am 66 now, and want to live to be a 100 but that wouldn't be possible with toxic people in my life. Toxic, to me, are judgmental people, unkempt, sloven, dishonest, liars, enablers, users, self-centered, self-aggrandizing, cynical, arrogant, irrationally obsessed with anything like guns, politics, vices, et. al.

I mention 'curate'. I am talking about seeking out those who share a common interests with you. Several of mine or music, 'live' music, photography, videography, and now, I've picked up cooking.
 
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