• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Old Friends - is it me?

7

77bioNic77

Member
Joined
Mar 17, 2019
Messages
5
Location
midlands
hi all,

I couldn't find a thread specifically on this issue but I suspect it's a common theme. sorry, it's along one!

So, old friends. I think it's quite normal that people grow apart, geographically at least. There's no doubt that my anxiety has caused me to miss many social events over the years. I have actually gotten a lot better in this regard but my reputation lingers.

My main issue is with one old friend, my best friend (BF). We came up together through our late teens and early twenties, and were very close. Over the years, even though living quite far away, he has always been very proactive in terms of calling for a chat. In truth, he used to do many many miles for work so had the opportunity to call.

For the last few years I've kind of felt like the friendship is counterproductive, but I worry that this is my anxiety rather than a big problem with our relationship. But, there have been some, in my mind, significant signals of late.

40th birthdays have been ticking by for us all - a couple of year ago now. He and a few others had parties back in our home town. I really dislike going back home, too many bad memoires, but made the effort to go, to my BF's and other. Over the years he would without fail call or text on my b-day, but on my 40th, for the first time he didn't make the effort. I'm almost certainly over sensitive but that felt like a conscious decision. It left a black mark on my 40th that will last.

Then, we find that he and his partner had come to an event literally a stone's throw from our house without mentioning it. Again this felt like an attempt to send a message. In doing so they also blanked another local couple who he should treat as close friends. Maybe not just about me then.

I look back and realise that he really isn't as considerate as I think . E.g. he would often stay at our house on a weekday so he could play sports locally. We would have to prepare the house every time - tough around a 3 hour daily commute - but he would often not let us know if he was staying until the very last minute. And then he'd change social plans without letting me know. Never respond to text messages. etc. etc. I can count the number of tome s he and his wife have come to us on two fingers. My partner has made much more effort.

Some context. My partner and I have been going through repeated failed treatment that is hard to plan round and sometimes makes it difficult to go out or stay over a friend's house. He is well aware of this but I really believe he has decided that it is us being unsociable. If he were a friend I think he'd realise that this episode is a hugely traumatic experience for me and my other half.

On the other hand, my depression and anxiety means that I'm quite critical of everyone, and I ruminate a lot on such things. He has actually had some depression issue in the last year. I tried to help him with it. Oddly, he still seems to hold my issues against me.

So, in summary, I think he's been so very inconsiderate that I don't feel I can forgive him (around the treatment thing especially). I come very close to simply telling him.

Then there's another guy - I don't see him a lot - who tells people I'm 'trouble'. in truth, in my 20s I said something inappropriate to his boss. And once got into a fight (my one and only fight) when drunk, again in early 20s. To be telling people this sort of thing 20 years on is very rude i think; I've gone on to be a success and am really very quiet. I'm sure many our other 'friends' have done worse but don't receive this sort of treatment. I feel I ought to tell him so.

So, wanted to get off my chest and see what you all think.

77b77
 
LouisaMogs

LouisaMogs

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 15, 2019
Messages
58
Location
Warrington
I think the person saying things from 20 years ago is a very sad individual.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
E Meeting old friends People 1
L Best friends from school and an old boyfriend People 3
K Old Friendships, New Beginnings People 4
E Am I old fashioned? Is that bad? People 19
My_Second_Chance Trying To Reconnect With Old Friend! People 3
N I'm 30 am I too old to be called Billy when my really name is William? People 4
A Visit back home was also being back in the area where my fathers friend who sexually assaulted me as a ten year old lived People 2
C Miss an old friend People 13
S 32 years old and looking for a new start People 3
D Old memories of an uncle touching me? People 3
V Old 'No-one likes me' feelings back with a vengance recently People 8
S trusty old friend drinking so much I have to cut him out of my life, devastated People 9
H 33 years old and never had a serious relationship People 29
MagicJay Old Friend People 5
R Meeting an old lady friend People 20
L Old school friend People 2
R How can can you be a friend to someone who does not appear interested, but just likes a good old moan People 4
D Desperate to have my old life back! People 1
L Friends? People 10
KittyCat92 Still good friends and good people out there People 5
E I'm not confident/happy enough right now to go clubbing with friends. People 6
Sloshiceangel Why is it hard to make friends in your 20’s? People 2
L do you have friends? People 36
sam999 my friends turned out to be 1 person People 4
B Making friends People 18
N Friends are beginning to drink People 3
I Why is it so hard to leave the toxic friends alone? People 6
J I am curious about Europe and want to make friends to cure my anxiety People 16
B How many friends do you have on this forum? People 69
Talina Can people still be friends with ex-gf/bf? People 28
M Feeling shunned by sister and past friends People 6
O envious of ex friends People 6
L creeping my friends out People 6
W I feel like I have no friends left People 24
EarthDreams Ex Friends People 1
S Thinking of getting in touch with my friends but i'm unemployed People 5
W Making new friends, how? People 2
Guy12182 Starting Over/New Friends/New People People 1
C Keeping Friends People 3
E Friends People 5
little rose really lonely cant have friends People 19
S 32 girl , no friends to see , never had a bf either, worried il be alone forever People 5
M I think I should stop being friends with someone with suicidal tendencies People 1
P Keeping Friends People 42
D I was just totally insulted to my face by my relative's oldest friends People 7
J The loss of feelings toward family and friends People 3
C I feel like I have lost personality and my friends People 5
blurrypeach I feel like my friends avoid me (rant) People 15
P can't have friends People 2
I I have lost all my friends... People 1

Similar threads

Top