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Old Demons Resurfacing

M

missunderstood9

Active member
Joined
Dec 24, 2013
Messages
27
It's been a while, last posted around 6 years ago. Some old demons have resurfaced due to some life changes and unexpected obstacles, and it's really ramped up the anxiety. Up until the last year, it was more my depression that was the problem. Had a few years of doing ok, not necessarily fully content but not falling apart either. Then the last year kind of fucked massively with my head. I started new medication which makes me feel more like myself but my anxiety, when it flares up, has gotten quite bad since the switch. I guess I felt more numb on the old medication. So it's trial and error until I find the right dose that works for me, the doctor thinks the dose wasn't high enough on the new medication. I also had some short term counselling which reexamined some old wounds, which was pretty difficult. It brought some painful memories to the surface. I just want to fix how anxious I'm getting sometimes, I'm so worried that others think I'm crazy and are noticing and talking about it. I'm worried that noone likes me and that everyone thinks I'm a creep. I'm scared of pushing everyone away because they think I'm crazy and obsessive for worrying and getting upset about trivial things. It terrifies me, because that's not really me. Some things that are making me anxious aren't trivial, which I can accept, just not the trivial things. I'm so scared because at the moment I feel broken and that noone will ever truly love me. I'm worried that I'm too damaged to have a successful loving relationship or to maintain my close friendships. I feel like I've never really had stability or nurturing in my life and it's something I crave. But at the same time letting someone in past my walls scares me, I feel afraid when I'm vulnerable.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
These emotions etc. that you are feeling seem quite understandable to me. Did you manage to complete the counselling, or are there things which were brought up unresolved :hug:
 
M

missunderstood9

Active member
Joined
Dec 24, 2013
Messages
27
These emotions etc. that you are feeling seem quite understandable to me. Did you manage to complete the counselling, or are there things which were brought up unresolved :hug:
There are unresolved issues from my past that I need to deal with, I've had counselling previously but recent events and the short term counselling have triggered me again. I've been referred to the mental health team by my doctor for more long term counselling so I'm hoping that it'll be helpful🤞🏻
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
May I ask what thoughts are troubling you at the moment :hug:
 
M

missunderstood9

Active member
Joined
Dec 24, 2013
Messages
27
May I ask what thoughts are troubling you at the moment :hug:
When I was young I was abused by my mum, she was mentally very ill. A lot of the messages she gave me were quite damaging and made me feel worthless and unloved. So when I get low/anxious it's usually triggered by feeling rejected and triggers those old messages and emotions I felt.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
Childhood trauma can set someone back years and years :hug: Do you find yourself spending a lot of time on your own :hug:
 
M

missunderstood9

Active member
Joined
Dec 24, 2013
Messages
27
Sometimes yeah, I do like to be by myself sometimes, quite a bit actually. But then other times I really crave company. It's weird
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
Sorry I meant do you live on your own :hug:
 
R

Roo

Member
Joined
May 10, 2019
Messages
17
Location
UK
I suffer from anxiety and the past couple of weeks it has been particularly bad due to an anniversary date of a trauma that happened a couple of years back. I go through all the same emotions and feels and you begin to feel pretty helpless. I use to be a social butterfly and now I prefer the loving company of my pooch. I have a partner I love dearly but when I am at my worst he doesn’t want to be around or even ask what’s up or going on and this makes me feel very disconnected. You will finding a loving relationship that will be long term but it will be difficult. Going through your counselling course and completing it, is a very good start and continue process to your healing. If you can get the help take it.
 
M

missunderstood9

Active member
Joined
Dec 24, 2013
Messages
27
Sorry I meant do you live on your own :hug:
I live with housemates, which is great but sometimes I need time to myself which can sometimes be difficult
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
819
I think if it were me I would like to be amongst a lot of positive people, but also have the freedom to have time to myself when I need it...
 
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