• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Ok then so down.

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darkplace27

Member
Joined
May 25, 2010
Messages
13
Hi really struggaling at the minute, I go from being relatively ok to so down I have to goout to me car at work and cry and when I get home I cry again. I try to hide most of it from my family as they really worry about me. My gran committed suicide when I was young, Im 34 now they worry I might follow suit. I can talk to a one of the few friends that I have left after my marriage break up( which was my fault) but they have there own family and ive been like this for so long I can understand they are a little tiered of hearing it. I know I have to pick myself up suck it up and get on with life but it is so hard. Ive recently returned back to work after being signed of for 9 months. Im still taking my meds but I feel im slipping backwards, I self harmed two weeks ago after going 2 months with doing it. I then felt disgusted at myself and did it again as I felt I needed to be punished for being so weak and pathetic. I don't understand how one minute im not happy but able to function the next I feel all the pain and fear overflowing and need to get out and I break down.

I went to my doctors yesterday and she said its just the reality of my situation and its some thing I will have to work through which I know is true to a degree, but im worried as I don't feel im making any progress.

Im sorry if it sounds like im complaining and I know there are people worse of and going through tougher times I just carn't help how I feel inside
 
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ellabee

Active member
Joined
May 27, 2010
Messages
35
Location
England
xoxo

poor you do you see a psychitrist or had any cbt. its such a slow process and when you feel like your improving something always pushes you back. maybe you have gone back to work to soon.

have you been on the same meds throughout your doctor should really be more supportive :hug:
 
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DELATEXT

Guest
HI

First off you are not complaining !!
You have depression which can be so awful, especially as you lost your gran and you have similar thoughts ??
All the other problems seem to stack up and weight you down ??
Can you go back and talk more with your Doctor, try to explain how down you are and ask for more help ??
If you live in the UK contact a Mental health charity like The Richmond Fellowship or Mind, they give great advice and support..
hope you get the help.......

:grouphug:
 
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darkplace27

Member
Joined
May 25, 2010
Messages
13
poor you do you see a psychitrist or had any cbt. its such a slow process and when you feel like your improving something always pushes you back. maybe you have gone back to work to soon.

have you been on the same meds throughout your doctor should really be more supportive :hug:
I had couselling and they said I was ok when I went through a good spell. They changed my meds from 60mg of citalopram to 225mg of venlalic. Im also on beta blockers and temazapan. I needed to go back to work as I had to much time to think. PLus the family home im living in is being repossesed in the next month and im having to go bankcrupt due to the house not selling. My ex wife took every thing and she had the right to do that but she won't allow me to see my boy even with my parents present. So trying to fight throught the coursts for access. The woman I was in love with is with someone else and between missing my boy and her I feel so lost and like a complete failure. I know I have no right to feel this way as its decisions I made that put me where I am it doesn't matter that I was depressed and broke down it doesn't make it right. I just don't know what to do any more. Im racked with guilt as well as self loathing for what ive done and Im terrified i will never be happy again. Or be able to move on, part of me wants too the other feels I need to suffer but it hurts so much.

Maybe it was teh doctors way of telling me to just get on with it, I have asked to be put forward for some more couselling.

Thank you for you kind words
 
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darkplace27

Member
Joined
May 25, 2010
Messages
13
First off you are not complaining !!
You have depression which can be so awful, especially as you lost your gran and you have similar thoughts ??
All the other problems seem to stack up and weight you down ??
Can you go back and talk more with your Doctor, try to explain how down you are and ask for more help ??
If you live in the UK contact a Mental health charity like The Richmond Fellowship or Mind, they give great advice and support..
hope you get the help.......



:grouphug:
Im sorry I guess I feel guilty for feeling the way I do I live in the midlands so i will get in contact with the Richmond Fellowship.

Thank you
 
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Deremna

Guest
Im sorry I guess I feel guilty for feeling the way I do
Guilt is something that rules me most of the time. I also feel really guilty most of the time, especially since my mother recently had a stroke and is going through lung cancer.. I feel like my problems pale in comparison to hers so I hate myself for feeling so low. It's like, I'm relatively healthy so I should be happy. But my psychologist said that I really shouldn't feel guilty cos my bipolar is a disease, too, and I never asked to have it just like my mom never asked to get sick. He said it is important to take things even slower when you have a crisis going on because it can really hinder recovering from bad depressions and trying not to be hard on yourself is important if you slip because we're human and everybody falters..

I don't self-harm, well, not in a conventional sense anyway.. But i think about it a lot.. And then I feel guilty because I wish I could and I know that's sick to think.. It's like sometimes I wish I were worse off so people would take me more seriously instead of trying to brush my problems under the rig because they're not severe enough to warrent their sympathy.

I think it's very important to find a doctor that really gets it.. Also, my psychologist had be go to his bipolar group session last night and that made me feel loads better.. Much like this forum, it's good to interact with others who understand your pain and realize that even the smallest bad feeling can escalate into something that really debilitates us. I had coworkers trying to give me a break yesterday because I couldn't stop crying and I answer phones so sniffly crying voice isn't really a good thing...

I wish you all the best and really try not to be so hard on yourself.. I know it's easier said than done sometimes but we can only take it one step at a time and if you trip, just brush yourself off and try again.. And know that there are other people who understand you and feel the same pain. :hug:
 
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ellabee

Active member
Joined
May 27, 2010
Messages
35
Location
England
feelings

I had couselling and they said I was ok when I went through a good spell. They changed my meds from 60mg of citalopram to 225mg of venlalic. Im also on beta blockers and temazapan. I needed to go back to work as I had to much time to think. PLus the family home im living in is being repossesed in the next month and im having to go bankcrupt due to the house not selling. My ex wife took every thing and she had the right to do that but she won't allow me to see my boy even with my parents present. So trying to fight throught the coursts for access. The woman I was in love with is with someone else and between missing my boy and her I feel so lost and like a complete failure. I know I have no right to feel this way as its decisions I made that put me where I am it doesn't matter that I was depressed and broke down it doesn't make it right. I just don't know what to do any more. Im racked with guilt as well as self loathing for what ive done and Im terrified i will never be happy again. Or be able to move on, part of me wants too the other feels I need to suffer but it hurts so much.

Maybe it was teh doctors way of telling me to just get on with it, I have asked to be put forward for some more couselling.

Thank you for you kind words

the bad thing about our kind of illness is others struggle to understand it. its not something they can see and over time it effects relationships.
we all isolate ourselves lash out and then self loathe.

you are in a dark place at the moment but talking to other like minded people makes you realise your not alone. you have every right to have this dramatic range of feelings. sounds like even at work your still thinking and placing pressure and blame on yourself. keep talking even if its on this site it can help
 
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darkplace27

Member
Joined
May 25, 2010
Messages
13
Deremna PMellabee

Thank you bot so much, ive only been on here a few days but already finding it a help to be able to be completely honest about how im feeling and not be judged, I guess one of the most comforting things about this site is the support and understanding of people like your selves and that I now im not the only one so don't feel quite so isolated.

Thank you both again
 
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DELATEXT

Guest
Here for you

GLAD YOU FEEL A BIT BETTER REMEMBER YOU CAN FIND SOLACE HERE FROM OTHERS WHO SUFFER AND UNDERSTAND HOW YOU ARE.


:welcome::welcome:
 
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