• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Ok.... here we go....

K

Kinesthetikz

New member
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
1
I have had Gynecomastia (female like breasts on a man), along with phimosis (which is where the head of the penis is attached to the foreskin by a strip of flesh). From the age of 13-currently (I am now 24 years old).

I just wanted to come on here and say that these two problems, especially combined, have almost ruined my life.

I am 24 years old and have some f-ed up psychological damage. I have never even touched a girl, let alone had a girlfriend. I don't like it when they try to touch me. I haven't masturbated since I was 10. I am socially anxious to a point where it is crippling. I have been diagnosed severe clinical depression with signs of schizophrenia starting to show (caused by the extremity of the depression). I have come to resent humanity and all forms of life in general. I resent sexuality now. Even if was able to fix my physical problems, I don't think I am mentally fit to handle that aspect of life anymore.

I haven't worn a t-shirt in public since I was 12 (when gyno started). All throughout school, I wore jackets. I fought with the teachers tooth and nail to be allowed to wear my big coat in class. Girls? lol.. forget them... it seems like the part of me that was interested in them died sometime between 12- and now (I'm 24 years old right now).

I am about as suicidal as a person can get. I have never been the type to feel sorry for myself, I was awesome in football all throughout highschool. I was never a depressed type, until about 18. When you are an 18 year old male virgin, the question comes up.. "why?" - Unfortunately there is no one answer to this question for me. It is a combination of psychological issues, coupled with the fact that physically, sex would be excruciatingly painful. (Due to phimosis) - LET ALONE the fact that I won't let anyone see my chest.

I can't hold a steady job, because I feel so much different than other people that I can't bare to be around them. The only time I feel SOME peace is when I'm alone, and don't have to deal with anything. My last 15 terms of employment lasted a total of 14 days....
yes.. i left halfway through the day twice in the middle of work, due to a panic attack about my chest. I thought people were looking and I walked 19 miles home.

I haven't cried since I was 13, but as I type this now, I can't help but bawl like a little girl. (This is so untypical of me it's sickenning) 11 years record, no crying broken, because of typing on the internet. awesome.

anyway, I'm not looking for attention, I am just finding it therapeutic to type this shit all out.

I am currently in the process of getting into great shape, ( gynecomastia makes lots of people want to get into shape? that's kind of a good thing) but i know due to the puff nipples that I will eventually need surgery for it. I will also need a circumcision, which I know will be the most painful experience of my life. Fixing these two problems is the first key to me not becoming a mindless vegetable, because that's where I'm headed at this rate. The psychological damage is just too much to handle.

I doubt I could ever have a woman, or touch one due to the damage that already happened, but if I could at least wear a t-shirt in public again, things might start coming together, just a little bit. But right now life seems hopeless.





Kinesthetikz
 
Jupiter

Jupiter

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 23, 2009
Messages
76
Location
Wales ~ land of song
Hi Kinesthetikz :welcome: to the Forum. I honestly don't know what to say to you, I can't even imagine the problems you have to deal with, but I'm so glad you found this place, I'm new here myself but I have already met some amazing people who are so kind.
I hope you stick around and get to know everyone here. Take care :hug: and feel free to pm me or post on my Journal anytime. J
 
F

Fruit Loop

Guest
Hello Kinesthetikz,

I would like to :welcome: to this forum.

I would like to be as brave, honest and up front as you have been in explaining your problems. I take my hat off to you!
 
D

Dollit

Guest
That's quite a lot to have bottled up inside you for such a long time and no wonder you cried when you started to let it out. Bottling up feelings doesn't stop them it just puts them off for a different time.

There's a myth that goes round that all 24 year olds have had sex or a relationship of some kind. That's a load of bull. Many haven't for many different reasons. Some guys I've been in relationship with were virgins into their twenties - that's not unusual just the reason in your case.

It's not going to be easy for you but don't give up on having a healthy relationship just yet.
 
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