- Apr 5, 2010
ive spent money again that i dont have.. basically ive ticked some coke off a someone.. =| dont know why but i just felt the need to get wrecked.. && to be honest i enjoyed it.. not to sure what to do now.. im not a adict i just do it every few weeks.. if im hyper? if that makes any sence to anyone??.. i know i shouldnt to it as it effects my meds.. && if i have to much i can not handle the come down luckily today i am ok but i didnt have as much as i normally do.. i no its no excuse to be doing it anyway.. especially when i can not afford it && it stops my meds from working && its illegal && its just basically WRONG .. so please if anyone is reading this who knows why i do this please will u write to me and maybe give me some ideas what to do instead of binging??.. i know when im going to binge and im not happy till ive done it.. && then regretting it.. it doesnt make any sence to me what so ever?? i dont want anyone to think bad of me.. i am a good person and i live a "normal bipolar life" i think its just cos im hyper at the min also have some things going on in my head which i dont really want to put on here but things that are bothering me.. and im thinking maybe i got wrecked to cancel them feelings.. emotions.. problems or what ever they are out!!.. i know its not the solution and i know what i do is wrong and unfair.. && now im going to have money to pay out next week which i could have got new cloths with or a new tumble dryer or put it to a new sofa?? but im not right in the head when i do these things its not me doing it.. if that makes any sence!?!?....