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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Oh god done it again grrr.. =| (drugs)

J

jema88

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 5, 2010
Messages
130
ive spent money again that i dont have.. basically ive ticked some coke off a someone.. =| dont know why but i just felt the need to get wrecked.. && to be honest i enjoyed it.. not to sure what to do now.. im not a adict i just do it every few weeks.. if im hyper? if that makes any sence to anyone??.. i know i shouldnt to it as it effects my meds.. && if i have to much i can not handle the come down luckily today i am ok but i didnt have as much as i normally do.. i no its no excuse to be doing it anyway.. especially when i can not afford it && it stops my meds from working && its illegal && its just basically WRONG .. so please if anyone is reading this who knows why i do this please will u write to me and maybe give me some ideas what to do instead of binging??.. i know when im going to binge and im not happy till ive done it.. && then regretting it.. it doesnt make any sence to me what so ever?? i dont want anyone to think bad of me.. i am a good person and i live a "normal bipolar life" i think its just cos im hyper at the min also have some things going on in my head which i dont really want to put on here but things that are bothering me.. and im thinking maybe i got wrecked to cancel them feelings.. emotions.. problems or what ever they are out!!.. i know its not the solution and i know what i do is wrong and unfair.. && now im going to have money to pay out next week which i could have got new cloths with or a new tumble dryer or put it to a new sofa?? but im not right in the head when i do these things its not me doing it.. if that makes any sence!?!?....
 
emski

emski

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 15, 2008
Messages
1,151
Location
North West
I've done a hell of a lot of things in the past when episodic that I don't do when I am well, including stimulants, cannabis, alcohol when already manic/mixed. A psychiatrist said I have very poor impulse control when episodic and reckless, and this is the danger zone because at this point I could get into real trouble.

Right now I am have some sort of episode, I don't know what it is but it is mainly ruled by agitation, racing negative thoughts and quick swings of mood & emotions.

I am struggling to resist urges and impulses around alcohol & SH. I have given in on a few occasions, once landed up being picked up by police because I was drunk, disoriented, paranoid (almost delusional) and lost not very far from where I live. They could have very easily taken me to hospital or put me in a cell. I have also ended up in complete states emotionally exploding on friends and almost ruining friendships. The physical and mental urge to drink is so hard for me to resist right now because of the way my moods are.

What I'm trying to say is, I've spent the past few weeks feeling unwell, getting myself fucked up and then feeling worse for the chaos I have caused and feeling I do not deserve the freinds and family who have pulled me out the gutter.

My point is - I know when I am well I do not engage in any of this behaviour because I have impulse control. I don't have it when I am not well. I too know when I have an urge and am not happy til I've done it, but like you there is the regret and the aftermath. And I totally get what you say about it's like it's not you doing it.

Me, I am trying to sit tight for help from the services. How about you, what support have you got in place at home? :hug:
 
J

jema88

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 5, 2010
Messages
130
I've done a hell of a lot of things in the past when episodic that I don't do when I am well, including stimulants, cannabis, alcohol when already manic/mixed. A psychiatrist said I have very poor impulse control when episodic and reckless, and this is the danger zone because at this point I could get into real trouble.

Right now I am have some sort of episode, I don't know what it is but it is mainly ruled by agitation, racing negative thoughts and quick swings of mood & emotions.

I am struggling to resist urges and impulses around alcohol & SH. I have given in on a few occasions, once landed up being picked up by police because I was drunk, disoriented, paranoid (almost delusional) and lost not very far from where I live. They could have very easily taken me to hospital or put me in a cell. I have also ended up in complete states emotionally exploding on friends and almost ruining friendships. The physical and mental urge to drink is so hard for me to resist right now because of the way my moods are.

What I'm trying to say is, I've spent the past few weeks feeling unwell, getting myself fucked up and then feeling worse for the chaos I have caused and feeling I do not deserve the freinds and family who have pulled me out the gutter.

My point is - I know when I am well I do not engage in any of this behaviour because I have impulse control. I don't have it when I am not well. I too know when I have an urge and am not happy til I've done it, but like you there is the regret and the aftermath. And I totally get what you say about it's like it's not you doing it.

Me, I am trying to sit tight for help from the services. How about you, what support have you got in place at home? :hug:
i have support from my mh nurse my mum and my family.. my brother visits me dailys he knows what im like but he cant tell me what i can and cant do i am a adultr i need to make the right decision myself!!!

what do u think i should do??..

xxx
 
emski

emski

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 15, 2008
Messages
1,151
Location
North West
I don't know honey - is your nurse aware of it? I can't say you see because I'm finding my impulses really hard to control right now... it's a bit different with booze becasue I can just walk down the road for it if I feel the urge.

Maybe don't associate with the people you normally do it with? Delete any 'contacts' you might have?

It's really hard with substances/booze hun, I know that, and I'm not in the best position to give you advice when I'm hardly able to control any of my impulses, but just to let you know I am here and I understand what you're goign through :hug:
 
J

jema88

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 5, 2010
Messages
130
I don't know honey - is your nurse aware of it? I can't say you see because I'm finding my impulses really hard to control right now... it's a bit different with booze becasue I can just walk down the road for it if I feel the urge.

Maybe don't associate with the people you normally do it with? Delete any 'contacts' you might have?

It's really hard with substances/booze hun, I know that, and I'm not in the best position to give you advice when I'm hardly able to control any of my impulses, but just to let you know I am here and I understand what you're goign through :hug:
thanks its nice to know im not alone... my nurse is aware yes.. not that ive done it again but she is awear of what i doo!!.. i am strong when im normal or depressed i can say no.. buy if im happy manic hyper which ever.. i just can not control myself at all .. xxx
 
emski

emski

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 15, 2008
Messages
1,151
Location
North West
I know exactly what you mean. I am so strong when I am feeling truly well. But when my bipolar episodes rear their heads I just do whatever my messed up mind tells me too - impulses and urges.

Right now I really really want to drink. But I'm not going to give in because it is making things more complicated for me.

Casualty is on in a minute, and Heroes later. If I can sit long enough to watch them then after that it will be bed time. I'm trying to do things to distract myself from my mind which is currently telling me to go and buy wine.

Think of somethings you like to do and try and find something to distract yourself from your impulses. That's what I'm trying to do at least.

Good luck, take care, you're not alone and keep talking. Catch you later :hug: x
 
S

shell

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
175
Location
Lincolnshire
Try not too feel too bad, I get the urge to drink but I know if I did my husband would go mad at me so that stops me. Plus the fact its just going to make the depression worse. Don't be to hard on yourself your only human and doing your best x :hug:
 
T

TOONAFISH

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
2,686
Location
Bonnie Scotland
hiya

dont beat yourself up. it is hard to stop. remember i said before i had stopped drugs. but i actually just stopped taking e's after taking loads at the one time and ending up in hosp. but it took me longer to give up coke and i even had ketamine one nite cause im such a stupid cow. but the time inbetween these episodes is getting longer and longer and i feel more able to refuse drugs. it is v hard tho and worse if youve had a drink.

you have to just take it easy and remind yourself why you are dooing it.

you *can* do it. wishing you loads a luck xxx
 
J

jema88

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 5, 2010
Messages
130
hiya

dont beat yourself up. it is hard to stop. remember i said before i had stopped drugs. but i actually just stopped taking e's after taking loads at the one time and ending up in hosp. but it took me longer to give up coke and i even had ketamine one nite cause im such a stupid cow. but the time inbetween these episodes is getting longer and longer and i feel more able to refuse drugs. it is v hard tho and worse if youve had a drink.

you have to just take it easy and remind yourself why you are dooing it.

you *can* do it. wishing you loads a luck xxx
god i feel bad after but i really cant help it my mums now beinf funny with me thinks im using being bipolar as an excuse when im relly not its just when im hyper i did stop coke when i first got diagnosed it aug till dec.. then had a few weeks binge.. then stopped again jan till a couple of weeks ago n ill binge for a few weeks then get my life back on track again i know exactly what im doing i dont do it unless my son is out i dont even have a drink when hes here.. but in the week i look forward to the weekend so i can do it.. i dont think im addicted i just think icant say no to the temptation when im in this frame of mind?!?.. does that make sence to you?? how long after u was diagnosed did u stop coke??..xxx
 
T

TOONAFISH

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
2,686
Location
Bonnie Scotland
I still haven't been diagnosed, only had my first manic episode last year. havent had drugs since then, but i havent been out much and if i am i have hubby with me keeping an eye.

I really think ive cracked it this time. alcohol changes everything tho, i just need to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.

i really wish you lots a luck. WE CAN DO IT.

im such an all or nothing person, with food, drink, and drugs. i go for ages without then total binge.

x
 
MadEmma

MadEmma

Active member
Joined
Apr 15, 2010
Messages
36
Location
lala land
Dont beat yourself up over it mate, there are a lot worse things in life you could be doing and a lot more harmful. Dont even get me started on the drug reform policies, showing alcohol and ciggarettes are the biggests harmful drugs and that cigarettes are more addictive than heroin.

They are legal, so people think they are fine to take without fear of health or addiction affects. Other drugs are prescribed drugs, if i dont have my anti depressant i get physical withdrawals within hrs and head shocks and shakes, so which are the drugs that are harmful and what should be banned and what should be socially acceptable?

I have mental problems and they arent from taking drugs of the illegal kind. I find if I am stuck in a dark place with my bi polar with no motivation and energy to change my mindset then if I have a stimulant like meow meow or some coke then it gets me out of bed and chatting about where my head is at with my hubby and also gives me a way of looking at my problems out of the box perspective, as in able to look at what needs doing and helps me out that black hole.

I am not a frequent drug user and dont abuse drugs but sometimes I find that we all need a release from life and stresses and instead of alcohol, whoch is itself a drug and a depressant I have a stimulant drug and it gives me a break from things and the next day a better place in my head. Only society makes u feel guilty for taking something illegal, cos we are taught all drugs illegal lead to harder things and crime to fund that habit, start with a spliff and then it will be heroin, what a load of rubbish.

You do what you feel is right at the time for yourself not what public opinion is. I wouldnt go telling health services about it though, they will only look down on it, where as if you told them it was an alcohol binge they would say take it easy and dont have too many units.

People can judge you, but only you can judge yourself.




ive spent money again that i dont have.. basically ive ticked some coke off a someone.. =| dont know why but i just felt the need to get wrecked.. && to be honest i enjoyed it.. not to sure what to do now.. im not a adict i just do it every few weeks.. if im hyper? if that makes any sence to anyone??.. i know i shouldnt to it as it effects my meds.. && if i have to much i can not handle the come down luckily today i am ok but i didnt have as much as i normally do.. i no its no excuse to be doing it anyway.. especially when i can not afford it && it stops my meds from working && its illegal && its just basically WRONG .. so please if anyone is reading this who knows why i do this please will u write to me and maybe give me some ideas what to do instead of binging??.. i know when im going to binge and im not happy till ive done it.. && then regretting it.. it doesnt make any sence to me what so ever?? i dont want anyone to think bad of me.. i am a good person and i live a "normal bipolar life" i think its just cos im hyper at the min also have some things going on in my head which i dont really want to put on here but things that are bothering me.. and im thinking maybe i got wrecked to cancel them feelings.. emotions.. problems or what ever they are out!!.. i know its not the solution and i know what i do is wrong and unfair.. && now im going to have money to pay out next week which i could have got new cloths with or a new tumble dryer or put it to a new sofa?? but im not right in the head when i do these things its not me doing it.. if that makes any sence!?!?....
 
J

jema88

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 5, 2010
Messages
130
Dont beat yourself up over it mate, there are a lot worse things in life you could be doing and a lot more harmful. Dont even get me started on the drug reform policies, showing alcohol and ciggarettes are the biggests harmful drugs and that cigarettes are more addictive than heroin.

They are legal, so people think they are fine to take without fear of health or addiction affects. Other drugs are prescribed drugs, if i dont have my anti depressant i get physical withdrawals within hrs and head shocks and shakes, so which are the drugs that are harmful and what should be banned and what should be socially acceptable?

I have mental problems and they arent from taking drugs of the illegal kind. I find if I am stuck in a dark place with my bi polar with no motivation and energy to change my mindset then if I have a stimulant like meow meow or some coke then it gets me out of bed and chatting about where my head is at with my hubby and also gives me a way of looking at my problems out of the box perspective, as in able to look at what needs doing and helps me out that black hole.

I am not a frequent drug user and dont abuse drugs but sometimes I find that we all need a release from life and stresses and instead of alcohol, whoch is itself a drug and a depressant I have a stimulant drug and it gives me a break from things and the next day a better place in my head. Only society makes u feel guilty for taking something illegal, cos we are taught all drugs illegal lead to harder things and crime to fund that habit, start with a spliff and then it will be heroin, what a load of rubbish.

You do what you feel is right at the time for yourself not what public opinion is. I wouldnt go telling health services about it though, they will only look down on it, where as if you told them it was an alcohol binge they would say take it easy and dont have too many units.

People can judge you, but only you can judge yourself.
thanks emma made me feel a whole lot better.. the thing is i do only do it when im hyper the rest of the time i can say no!!.xxx
 
L

LilMissLost

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2010
Messages
125
Location
Essex
Dont beat yourself up over it mate, there are a lot worse things in life you could be doing and a lot more harmful. Dont even get me started on the drug reform policies, showing alcohol and ciggarettes are the biggests harmful drugs and that cigarettes are more addictive than heroin.

They are legal, so people think they are fine to take without fear of health or addiction affects. Other drugs are prescribed drugs, if i dont have my anti depressant i get physical withdrawals within hrs and head shocks and shakes, so which are the drugs that are harmful and what should be banned and what should be socially acceptable?

I have mental problems and they arent from taking drugs of the illegal kind. I find if I am stuck in a dark place with my bi polar with no motivation and energy to change my mindset then if I have a stimulant like meow meow or some coke then it gets me out of bed and chatting about where my head is at with my hubby and also gives me a way of looking at my problems out of the box perspective, as in able to look at what needs doing and helps me out that black hole.

I am not a frequent drug user and dont abuse drugs but sometimes I find that we all need a release from life and stresses and instead of alcohol, whoch is itself a drug and a depressant I have a stimulant drug and it gives me a break from things and the next day a better place in my head. Only society makes u feel guilty for taking something illegal, cos we are taught all drugs illegal lead to harder things and crime to fund that habit, start with a spliff and then it will be heroin, what a load of rubbish.

You do what you feel is right at the time for yourself not what public opinion is. I wouldnt go telling health services about it though, they will only look down on it, where as if you told them it was an alcohol binge they would say take it easy and dont have too many units.

People can judge you, but only you can judge yourself.
Thankyou for that post got my first appointment with the councilor next week and wasnt sure whether to bring up the drug use or not, have always had underlying mood and depression issues before i started using them and would never have turned to them if i had thought there was another option just couldnt cope with my head going crazy anymore, i have done what is neccessary to survive, if they can find out what is really wrong and help i honestly believe i could give it all up, heres hoping they listen to me this time :)
 
Kos

Kos

Active member
Joined
Jan 9, 2010
Messages
31
Location
Glasgow
I've just done the exact same thing with speed and now need to pay out a fortune, and for what? It wasn't even that good, it helped for a little while but now I just feel worse.

I don't know why I have these little binges every now and again, I suppose to escape what I'm really feeling.

Don't beat yourself up about it, we all make mistakes.:hug:
 

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