- Apr 14, 2010
- Cool St, Coolville
Hey i've been posting on here a bit recently. basically I have my assessment tomorrow with a psych. and i broke up with my partner of 3 years just over a week ago, We have a 15month old daughter who is perfect in everyway.We are talking more and more, i'm ever hopeful we'll patch things up - he said he had to leave as he was getting angry from all my little outbursts and didn't wana feel like that - he's always been so calm. So basically i reckon (about 100%) that i have manic depression and have felt that for at least the last 10 years. but he couldn't hang around long enough to help me through it as he is now depressed. i possibly may have had post natal depression too which has brought out this real low i've been feeling lately - started about 6 months after she was boprn. I have just kept on going and going tho but snapping more and more at my partner so finally, bless him, he'd had enough. hopefully we can work things out with time - he's coming to the assessment tomo to explain 'my ways', and he stayed last night and sunday and we had amazing time, but i think we just needed the break to shake it up a bit. i'd been wanting different things from us - but not a different relationship, was just sick of never going out and doing stuff as a family. and neither of us been eating or sleping well for months, so everything has just compounded. It's hard to know what's what.... but oh my god all the heartache i felt last week, now makes sense, i just found out today that I AM PREGNANT AGAIN! Now i don't know what to do and all i want is to tell my partner but he wont come over (out with the lads, coming over tomorrow), and because i dont wana depend on him to much at the mo. But where comes the point then, when i can say to my child's father I REALLY NEED YOU NOW??? and i think - he was ok coming over yesterday getting sexy. Sometimes i wonder just how much of this is all me, it breaks my heart that this is the first place i turn to, the first 'person' i tell, are strangers? Am I really expecting too much? or have i settled for too little in expecting anything to ever be any less than painful for me, cuz that's the way I see it?