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katya

katya

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Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
I've been posting for the past few days about an ongoing situation whereby I've basically left my (shared) house (as a result of a barrage of abusive I've put up with from the other couple myself and my boyfriend have been living with for over two years now) and I might be splitting up with my boyfriend.

I've arrived at my colleague's, stayed here last night, and couldn't face going into work this morning. She's gone in and told them how I'm feeling, so hopefully they'll understand. I think they're concerned about me and are proud of and appalled for me that I've been putting up with this situation in a state of near-silence for so long. So hoepfully they'll understand I need a bit of time.

On my own in the flat now. It feels like a new start, but the wounds are still very much fresh. I can almost hear my housemates' voices saying I'm playing the victim, again - they were really quite vicious about me being on anti-depressants following childhood sexual trauma. Sometimes I wonder whether I'm doing the right thing, but my colleagues and my family insist that I am. That, to me, is a good sign.

I just wish I had my boyfriend's support, too.

Going to occupy myself by reading a book today. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for your continued support (feel like I'm writing an email at school, lololol).
 
Jimny

Jimny

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Joined
Jan 25, 2015
Messages
307
Location
Essex
Hi Jruth, to me you sound like you are in the right place.
Read your book, have a lovely soak in the bath, have something you really enjoy to eat and relax.
Enjoy the time, you are worth it. x
 
Unique1

Unique1

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Jan 27, 2015
Messages
8,765
Location
UK
Hi.

Sounds like it may be nice for you to enjoy some peace today, you've had a lot going on. It's great your workplace are being supportive :) that really helps.

Take one day at a time. I'm terrible for thinking too far ahead.

Agree with Jimny, be kind to yourself, a nice bubble bath and take it easy.

X
 
katya

katya

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Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
Many thanks to you both. :)

I've just had a bath; I feel a lot more relaxed.

Jimmy, I know you're going through a tough time, relationship-wise, so I hope you're feeling well today too. :)
 
katya

katya

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Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
Feeling a bit weaker now. Haven't heard from the boyfriend. I miss him very much and really want his support and a bit of reassurance in all this about our relationship.

I get that he needs time to think it all over; I was able to go into work, speak about it there, then go home, speak about it there... whereas he doesn't really have anyone to talk to, apart from his brothers, whom he's only seeing in person at the weekend.

So he wants to talk to me after that. It just feels a bit childish; I feel like he's punishing me for leaving because he's pissed off that I left him there, and he's pissed off for the way I reacted to T and L's abuse. I'm not being blamed for that; that's victim-blaming. Although, to be fair, it has left him in the shit, and I can understand why he'd be very pissed off temporarily.

I just really wish he pulls through on this one for me and shows me he can be a supportive boyfriend, or I'm going to have to cut ties for my own sake.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
I'm really glad that you've found somewhere else to be.:hug:
It sounds like the situation was escalating and getting worse, and it's a really positive thing that you've made a stand and found somewhere safer to be. :hug1:

As you say, your boyfriend sounds like he's still processing the whole situation and so it might take time for him to come around. I'm sorry that he hasn't really been supportive.

Do you think one of the reasons that he may not have there for you is because he himself might be a bit scared? I don't know.. is he the type of person that doesn't like or know how to 'do' confrontation? Or do you think it's possible he's worried his anger might get out of control?
I'm only speculating here, but there may be reasons why he has been passive in this situation and it may be due to who he is as a person, rather than it being about his love for you.

Also, victim blaming makes me really angry. I hate how 'victim' has somehow become an insult in our society.
I can't imagine what kind of insensitive, selfish, unfeeling people think it's ok to blame the victim? I can't understand people's reasoning behind it.
I could rant on and on about it all, but i'll spare you that.
Just know that it is completely wrong and if people are criticising you for being a 'victim', I suppose you should ask yourself if they're really worth having on side anyway.
 
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
I'm really glad that you've found somewhere else to be.:hug:
It sounds like the situation was escalating and getting worse, and it's a really positive thing that you've made a stand and found somewhere safer to be. :hug1:

As you say, your boyfriend sounds like he's still processing the whole situation and so it might take time for him to come around. I'm sorry that he hasn't really been supportive.

Do you think one of the reasons that he may not have there for you is because he himself might be a bit scared? I don't know.. is he the type of person that doesn't like or know how to 'do' confrontation? Or do you think it's possible he's worried his anger might get out of control?
I'm only speculating here, but there may be reasons why he has been passive in this situation and it may be due to who he is as a person, rather than it being about his love for you.
Thank you. I'm trying to remind myself all the time that I'm doing the right thing, but it's so hard when I don't have the support of my boyfriend. I've been to work today and haven't heard anything from him. I hope you're right. He is an incredibly passive person who doesn't know how to "do" confrontation, but I really could do with his support right now. It's very sad. The way we both are, if we stay together, I might just have to accept I'm sometimes not going to get the support I need. I hope that's not the case, but I might have to re-think the whole thing if it is, and that would be very, very sad.
 
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