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odd situation with guy who asked me out

chazxxx

chazxxx

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Apr 1, 2015
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744
This is going to be a little confusing and a little bit long probably so I appologise in advance.
But I'm just after some advice really, because I feel I've got myself into a situation that I don't really want to be in and not really sure what the best course of action is.

I'll start from the beggining. I had a customer at work ask me out. And my life has been a bit boring and hidden from the world for like 4 years. He seemed nice and i thought the one thing I should start doing in life is to say yes when opportunities arise and do something different, get out more etc. so that was that. Then like an hour later he came back to appologise if he seemed wierd etc. We texted that night and agreed to see him the next night. Then in the evening near the end of a horrendous 10 hour shift (finished at 10pm!) I text him to say, had a really bad day can we do 2mo instead. So he begs in a text then before I had a chance to reply he turns up at my work again. (I'm a little anoyed now as its getting creepy n harassy) but i agreed to just have a chat for half hour. Then just before my shift ends he comes in again. (Now im pissed off). So when I finished I did tell him I was anoyed and he's been ignoring creepy and harassy now and all I want to do is go home and sleep. N he appologise and said that the "only thing that got him through the day was to see me" -just so you know i find that cringy and creepy not cute.

Anyway we chatted for a little while and basically got to understanding that this guy is mental (I don't mean that in a derogatory offensive way, I just mean he has got alot of issues going on he clearly is or was depressed and trying to build his life back together. He told me about abuse in his past. Just after Xmas his gf and her kid left him. Financial troubles - can't afford his house. Confidence issues. Etc etc. So yeah I did feel compassion for this guy I was happy to empathise listen and he really seemed greatful for someone to listen to him, and I was happy to do that. He wanted me to see him the next day and just go for a drink or whatever and i said ok and he said that it gives him something to look forward to.

Ok now I'm worried. Like I said I do empathise with the guy and he seems like a nice guy. But 1. I'm not interested in him romantically at all and I'm worried that although he seems to be happy to just have someone to talk to and everything I'm worried he's guna think anything else will develop. 2. Even if I did like him, his world changed less than 3 months ago it's too soon. He thinks he's ready to move on n build his life etc. Personally i believe he needs to sort himself and other areas of his life out before even considering a romantic relationship with anyone. 3. Regardless of any romantic feelings at all, the biggest worry is if he is/starts holding on to me as his sense of hope or happiness. I don't want that and that isn't healthy for him.

I was trying to do a nice thing for a person that seems lost but now I don't really know what I should do? Should I keep meeting him and be clear no relationship? Should I try to just stay clear off him? I'm worried that I've some how manage to contract a stalker and he's going to keep turning up at my work place.

Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated, other than next time someone asks you out say no, because I've definately already learnt that lesson!!!
 
D

Dissatisfied

Guest
I'd stay clear. And I'd be honest with him why you are doing this, say you're not interested and feel if you meet up with him it will give him mixed signals and be too confusing for him. If you stay clear it is kinder to him.

Honesty is best policy. If I was interested in someone, I'd prefer they were up front and honest with me from the start and tell me their not interested, it is the kindest thing.
 
confusedwanderwaffle

confusedwanderwaffle

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Apr 10, 2015
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I'm young...and not a ton of experience in life but for starters yes, you are definitely right he has some issues to workout for himself and if its been 3 months since his gf left him (if i read that right). he seems a little clingy I might say, point being, You don't want him and you to start a relationship for the wrong reasons, meaning he feels lonely and maybe he just wants somebody to be there for him. Anyway I think bottom-line is next time you see him, make some ground-rules and tell him straight up (lightly) how you feel because you don't want neither of you to get the misinterpreted signals nor false hopes and tell him if you dont want to move things too fast and that you dont know if you feel anything for him in THAT way however you two can remain friends for now (if thats what you want) and see what the future holds. *edit* sorry if I have made it out to sound like you two are already friends of some-sort, i dont know if you even know this guy at all. Just be honest with him and good luck:)
 
Peaceful

Peaceful

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Apr 8, 2015
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South England
It sounds chaz from how you write that you were also looking for a bit of a boost to your confidence also however this particular man who as it seems from how you write is going through a really really hard time and one on one at the moment with him, it sounds like he is incredibly clingy to yourself already and where you are right now, even as a friend this man is not quite in the right place for you, even if he may simply be happy with friendship also.

As say am sure he is a really genuine and nice guy, but how it sounds hopefully some kind of social for yourself, maybe in a small group or simply a same sex friend, might be more along the lines with what you currently need in your life on top of work to enable you to wind down and relax a little.

I can understand he simply probably ideally needs someone professional to chat to, or even along the lines of internet support himself, but yes as it sounds it doesn't seem like even a friendship with this man at this current point in your life is going to be the right type of boost you yourself need currently.

It is absolutely ok to think of number one right now, most definitely.

But hope something easier outside of work happens very shortly for yourself.:)

Sounds like work very stressful and it is ok even if he is a nice guy etc to think of yourself first most definitely
 
D

Dissatisfied

Guest
It is absolutely ok to think of number one right now, most definitely.

brilliant advice re above quote Peaceful

go with your gut instinct, if something doesn't feel right about this guy, then trust it

When police officers ask what happened to someone when they got mugged, often people say, 'I had a gut instinct not to go out, but I did and I got mugged' a police officer once advised, in a training day, to go with this gut instinct.
 
chazxxx

chazxxx

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Apr 1, 2015
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744
Your all absolutely right. When I realised I didn't like him like that I thought I could be his friend and help him coz I know what it's like to be in a bad place etc. But yeah its clear that even with all good intentions that actually isn't helpful to him. He is a clingy person and he will just latch on to me wether he's happy to be friends or not. I am worried however that if I do text him telling him this he will just keep turning up at my work. Which I genuinely believe he will. :/
 
Peaceful

Peaceful

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Apr 8, 2015
Messages
263
Location
South England
Maybe just don't text him at all then and block his phone number on your phone then.

Been in this situation many times chaz. I think most people with mh difficulties are always trying to help others and often at the expense of their own mh. It is very common, most definitely.

But yes as others say. Intuition can very very often be the best guidance when considering what is for the best absolutely.

But if you yourself don't contact at all, I am sure he will give up, not turn up at your work and in all probability find someone else to latch on too very soon. Have seen this myself too with some of people I have known through the years too.
 
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