- Mar 31, 2021
I always feel weird when it comes to work places. I mean I’ve only have ever worked in 4 different work place’s. Everyone seems so welcoming with one another, talkative, and friendly. Everywhere I’ve worked I’ve always been the odd one out. I don’t try to be though. In every work place coworkers always try to talk to me and try to get me to open up. Most coworkers/ bosses I encounter seem fake, especially the bosses I currently have. But I guess I’m not what they want in a fun, cool, talkative coworker. I’m always happy to have a conversation with anyone that talks to me first or wants to talk (somewhat). Maybe it’s just my lack of response or enthusiasm in my face. I’ve been told I have a resting bitch face, I don’t mean to. The shitty thing is that there will be a coworker that is all nice and talkative a couple days to me, then finally I start being more responsive and talkative and they just start to stop talking to me or coming around. I’m also not aesthetically nice looking, my body type, and clothing choice I guess is not what society sees as pleasing. However, everywhere I’ve worked I feel like since I don’t fit in they talk about me. I know that sounds super paranoid, but there have been times where I’m doing something and I look up randomly to find people talking to one another looking at me then slightly giggling. I used to not care about stuff like that, but recently in my new work place I feel so paranoid. One time I had to leave early because I felt like something was on me I couldn’t see, or I smelled bad (there were 4-5 incidents that happened that pushed me to leave that day). People stare at me and I notice. Or people will not want to be around me. I’ve even asked a random person if I smell or had something on me and they tell me no. I feel like I’m going crazy sometimes. I mean I don’t care, but I do at the same time. Like I know it’s not gonna hurt me but still I want to know what the issue is because my internal really fucks with me. I feel like I’m alone, misunderstood, and not meant to be a person or something.