Odd one out in the workplace and with coworkers

[Alwaystryingbutlost123]

I always feel weird when it comes to work places. I mean I’ve only have ever worked in 4 different work place’s. Everyone seems so welcoming with one another, talkative, and friendly. Everywhere I’ve worked I’ve always been the odd one out. I don’t try to be though. In every work place coworkers always try to talk to me and try to get me to open up. Most coworkers/ bosses I encounter seem fake, especially the bosses I currently have. But I guess I’m not what they want in a fun, cool, talkative coworker. I’m always happy to have a conversation with anyone that talks to me first or wants to talk (somewhat). Maybe it’s just my lack of response or enthusiasm in my face. I’ve been told I have a resting bitch face, I don’t mean to. The shitty thing is that there will be a coworker that is all nice and talkative a couple days to me, then finally I start being more responsive and talkative and they just start to stop talking to me or coming around. I’m also not aesthetically nice looking, my body type, and clothing choice I guess is not what society sees as pleasing. However, everywhere I’ve worked I feel like since I don’t fit in they talk about me. I know that sounds super paranoid, but there have been times where I’m doing something and I look up randomly to find people talking to one another looking at me then slightly giggling. I used to not care about stuff like that, but recently in my new work place I feel so paranoid. One time I had to leave early because I felt like something was on me I couldn’t see, or I smelled bad (there were 4-5 incidents that happened that pushed me to leave that day). People stare at me and I notice. Or people will not want to be around me. I’ve even asked a random person if I smell or had something on me and they tell me no. I feel like I’m going crazy sometimes. I mean I don’t care, but I do at the same time. Like I know it’s not gonna hurt me but still I want to know what the issue is because my internal really fucks with me. I feel like I’m alone, misunderstood, and not meant to be a person or something.

 

[Until]

I feel weird everywhere, I think BPD find interpersonal relationships hard.

I am ok to begin with then the longer I am at a workplace the more time I have to spend with the same people I find it harder to keep up relationships and issues crop up, especially when I can feel people don't like me.

Its not just at work, I struggle to keep long term relationships in general. I sometimes find it hard to think of things to say and if I do think of something and I receive a snigger or someone disagrees with what I said, I feel upset and feel they don't like me. That's when my emotions show.

 

[ManDss]

Im also that can of paranoid. I know I look bad to others and I know they talk about how odd I am. Personally I dont give it much thought, it happens, and its not my fault. About you, kinda hard what to say, if you are odd, you are odd, and its almost impossible to take that away (Im odd, and I know its like that and theres not much to add). If you are doing things right you have to have a clean concious. Then you can try to fix better, but all being concious that you are not the problem.