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odd behaviour; relapse perhaps?

benkenobi

benkenobi

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Jul 13, 2008
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12
So last night I stayed in hotel, I was by myself and pretty exhausted from the three-four hour journey. It took a while to first of all settle down enough to sleep (primarily because I was concerned about the possibility that this room or hotel may be haunted; always had a fear of ghosts/the paranormal, I have one or two theories why, mainly related to a bad recurring nightmare I have had from an early age. Waking up from one of these nightmares and going downstairs to find my mum is actually my first memory.) Anyway I started to drop off to sleep, when needing the bathroom, I got up and before going to bed again, felt an urge to check the mirror, and both sides of the wall on which the mirror was hung, with the impression that a hidden camera was there. I cannot think of any reason why whatsoever someone would have the inclination to hide a camera there. Yet still I needed to check.
Now, it is only about four to five minths since I began to slowly recover from an episode of Major Depression w/ Psychosis, the Depression does poke its head above the surface from time to time, I am prone to big mood swings some times; I am concerned now that some of the delusional thinking of the psychosis is starting to show as well.

Perhaps it's time to see my GP again. Any thoughts?
 
spiritual_emergency

spiritual_emergency

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Oct 15, 2008
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benkenobi: Perhaps it's time to see my GP again. Any thoughts?

I was just reading another post of yours during which you didn't seem to feel your GP had been that helpful to you. You've got his number though so he should certainly be utilized as a resource if you feel you need some additional assistance. But now might also be a good time to cast your net a bit further to see what else is out there for support. Most people do their intitial explorations from within the system and never go further but there may well be other options both within and without if you look for them -- even something as simple as a change in GP might yield some productive results.

In terms of the symptoms you're experiencing... once you checked the mirror, were you able to drop off to sleep?


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benkenobi

benkenobi

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Jul 13, 2008
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yes, eventually, after i'd put the pictures back on the wall and turned the lights out. One problem at that point being I had an exam to sit early the next morning and had already lost out on two-three hours sleep. I've written in another post how I went through quite the mood swing while at work a couple of days after this. Since then I've been calm as a hindu cow, I even found myself using a technique for meditating at my desk without quite realising I had actually started doing it.

So far as GPs go I've had three in the space of nine months, I was attending sessions with a counsellor privately, but there was a point where they said that there was little they could do beyond encouraging me to advocate for myself. In fairness to the NHS there is a limit to the resources available to them. This said there seems no bounds to the amount of bad practice that actually goes on.
 
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spiritual_emergency

spiritual_emergency

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Oct 15, 2008
Messages
186
benkenobi: One problem at that point being I had an exam to sit early the next morning and had already lost out on two-three hours sleep.

Ugh. I've had such moments myself. Usually I manage to make it through the next day's task, regardless of how little sleep I actually got but I crash hard the next night. Meantime, I was wondering if there might be any connection between the exam and your need to check the mirror/pictures. For example, I'm imagining that as you lay there with sleep eluding you, you might have begun to get a bit anxious and perhaps this anxiety makes its presence known to you in a way that prompts you to get out of bed, stop thinking about your exam for a few minutes, and instead, carry out an action that restores a sense of control to you, thereby reducing your anxiety. Any chance there's a connection there?


This said there seems no bounds to the amount of bad practice that actually goes on.

If there's anyone out there who entered into the mental health system and got exactly what they needed, when they needed it, the first time out... I've yet to hear of them. More often, it seems to be a struggle to find the right caregiver, the right medication (if appropriate) the right quality of care, the right balance. Disappointment is frequent but there are some things we can do to mitigate that possibility.

I always recommend that people in recovery do two things; the first is to create a support team; the second is to create a support toolbox.

Support teams are comprised of people: family, friends, professionals, mentors and peers. Family and friends (ideally) offer love and understanding; professionals (ideally) offer expertise; mentors provide inspiration and strength; peers provide empathy and insights that can only come with personal experience. Pets might also serve a role on a support team because they offer companionship, unconditional acceptance and the opportunity to care for another living being. Every member of a support team serves a unique purpose and having one at our disposal increases the odds that when we're stuck or faltering, someone on our team will have an answer or a piece of information that will actually help us in the moment we need it.

Support toolboxes are comprised of activities and things that we identify as personally helpful. Medication, walking in the woods, a favorite piece of poetry, digging in the garden, meditation, a snuggly sweater, hugs, nature -- these are all examples of the sort of contents that might make up a personal support toolbox.

It's worth noting that most of the above do not come strictly from the mental health field and in fact, if we rely solely on that area to meet our needs we're probably going to encounter some chronic disappointment. But if we expand our vision and look for support beyond those boundaries, through our engagement with the larger world, we can minimize periods of discomfort or hardship. There will still be difficult moments of course, but we will have options in place to deal with them.


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benkenobi

benkenobi

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Jul 13, 2008
Messages
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I think there's certainly a connection there. So far as I understand micromanagement is a common response to stress; so it's very likely there is a connection.

The support team and toolbox you suggest is a reasonable and good response, and also one I've tried to put in place. There are two people in particular who have played a crucial role in the recovery I have made to date. However, my options are fairly limited. My family is deeply fractured (large part, I believe, of the source of my own condition) and I have few friends close enough to be able to rely on in this way.

I have found some peace/support/solace (however you like to put it) in philosophy, music and film, art in general, particular strains of comedy. I find Groucho Marx works particularly well. There is also a certain therapy in the planning I've been doing for a period spent travelling next year. The only thing beyond the six-twelve month range is largely beyond my capacity to determine the outcome of.

So, I suppose I have a toolbox of sorts, this forum also being a part. Although I'm loath to finish on a low note without these things I think the outlook would appear distinctly bleak.
 
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