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OCPD or NPD - Dating



New member
Apr 20, 2019

I am 26 years old and have never really been in a relationship. Some time ago I met a guy and I clicked with right away. Ws had a lot in common - interests, sense of humour but also personality. I really liked that he is ambitious, smart, a good organizer, articulate and caring. However over time he started to reveal more and more about himself. He told me he is a perfectionist, doesn't like changes, he likes to organize everything, and that he might have OCD (checking door locks multiple time - he was never diagnosed) and he is melancholic and sanguine at the same time and it seems difficult for him sometimes. OCD part worried by a bit as I don't know much about it but I decided to continue to see him as we really were getting along. He said he needs to have everything under control - I asked if he can let go sometimes. He said only if he trust someone or believe in something. He also said that feelings and need for control kind of mix for him. He admitted that he tends to be short tempered but empathetic and sometimes feels urge to be "a knight in shining armour" for others. At times he would say that he is good at something and sometimes he would criticise himself. At this time I thought he might be covert NPD - need for control, being short tempered, calculating, very pragmatic, saying of himself that he is empathetic (seems fake for me when people say good things about themselves instead of just showing how good they are) and I decided it will not work for me. However, few days ago I heard about OCPD for the first time in my life and I discovered that he actually might be OCPD and also that.. most likely I am OCPD myself. Due to anxiety and stress related health problems and problems with relations with other people and myself I am planning to start therapy. I am aware my stubbornness, need for perfection and constant tension are a problem and want to change that. I think the guy I told you about has quite a good insight but seems to have difficulties with changing it. Do you think might have OCPD? I would never tolerate someone controlling me but maybe it would be possible to influence him somehow (?).
Sorry for any mistakes - I am not native English speaker.


Well-known member
Aug 17, 2012
The West Country
Your English is good, so no need to apologise. :)

Does he know what OCPD is? Do you feel as though you could have a discussion with him about it?
I also wonder if you think he would be prepared to see a therapist or other professional to get some support in dealing with his issues?
Even if a romantic relationship isn't what you want, it still sounds like his life is being affected by his issues around control and so he would benefit from getting some help.

It is always good to be aware if you think that someone may have NPD, but from what you have said, it doesn't sound like you can be sure that is what he has.

I think it's really positive that you are going to start therapy for your own issues and I would perhaps say that it's possibly not a good idea to get into a serious relationship when you are focusing on yourself anyway.
You are the most important person and the only person who can decide if dating this man would be suitable or not.