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OCD?

S

serepein

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2020
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Location
United States
Hi,

This is my first time here. I’ve been looking at forums online the past few days. I feel like I’ve been dealing with my thoughts alone, and even tho reading others stories make me feel less alone, they make me overthink so I wanted to get my own thoughts out there... Sorry if this is long.

So I have never been diagnosed with OCD or gone to the doctors. I just never thought to but I believe I’ve lowkey had it all my life. I remember how it started. When I was young, maybe 8, I was laying in bed trying to sleep. My mind was wandering which I think is normal when your trying to sleep especially if you’re a kid, your mind wanders. But for some reason I thought of a book that was on the table in the living room where my family was. And I had a thought ...did I straighten the book? I was like a perfectionist, always wanting things to be a certain way. So I went to the living room and checked it. Then I went back to bed. But then I felt like it wasn’t right and I thought ...is it right? is it in the right position? I know it’s weird but those were my thoughts. Then I thought ...what if I don’t make it right and something happens to my family? So I kept going back and moving the book so it was in the right position or whatever felt “right” Thats the earliest memory I have of this

The years after I would do things like that, usually before going to sleep. Like I would make sure the door is in the right position. If it wasn’t I wouldnt feel right. Then I would check the time on the clock over and over because I had to know what time it was before I fell asleep or something bad would happen. After we moved and I got to middle school it went away. But every now and then I would get a feeling, like I would look at the door and felt like I had to move it to the right position. This would go on for days but then I would stop because I knew it was crazy. I don’t know how but I was able to ignore the thoughts. Because I knew it was made up. I would still feel a small urge if I didn’t do something but I was able to push past it

In high school I didn’t have this problem. Now I’m 20. I know I had small obsessions like refreshing my social media over and over or checking if this friend I was talking to was active every few min. I liked him but I promise I wasnt obsessed with him or anything like that but after I checked once I had the urge to keep checking. Sometimes like every few seconds. It was curiosity (or OCD?) but I don’t do that anymore

A few days ago I had an intrusive thought and it gave me a lot of anxiety. I won’t go into it here. I didn’t pay attention at first because I knew it was just a thought. But I kept thinking why would I think of that?? It made me worry and gave me anxiety. I felt horrible all day. But I knew it was an intrusive thought. So I looked it up and found YouTube videos on OCD and intrusive thoughts and read the comments which made me feel better. I had nothing to worry about because im not alone and it was just a thought. But then I kept questioning and my mind was going in circles. I had anxiety. I kept telling myself the thoughts are not real, my thoughts are not me. But my mind would go what if. And I would tell myself its not. This went on and on and caused me to have more intrusive thoughts. Its only been a few days. But now I feel numb. I just would like to know if any of this looks like OCD? I know I have to get a diagnosis but I’m not ready to now. Please any thoughts

Thank you
 
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WutheringHeights

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Mar 17, 2020
Messages
104
Location
Europe
Hi! In my opinion some of the things you are describing look like OCD symptoms, but as you said only a professional can properly diagnose you. However, as far as I know it becomes a disorder only if it's affecting your life and your ability to function on a daily basis.

Take care :)
 
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Lizaje

Guest
They definitely sound like ocd symptoms but the diagnosis of the disorder has more to it than that. I doubt that the time is ever right — or it's always right.
 
S

serepein

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2020
Messages
2
Location
United States
Hi! In my opinion some of the things you are describing look like OCD symptoms, but as you said only a professional can properly diagnose you. However, as far as I know it becomes a disorder only if it's affecting your life and your ability to function on a daily basis.

Take care :)
I see thank you. Yeah I think I have symptoms but it doesn't affect me daily. Its the intrusive thoughts that worry me
 
P

Purpleplum

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It sounds like OCD to me. But even if it wasn't, it's a problem that is bothering you that you're doing it and that's all that matters.
If something bothers you and you can't quit doing it, then no matter what label it's given, it's something you should get help with.
 
L

Lizaje

Guest
I see thank you. Yeah I think I have symptoms but it doesn't affect me daily. Its the intrusive thoughts that worry me
....intrusive thoughts are part of ocd.. I think I actually have them much more than I imagine. What life would be like without a single intrusive thought or compulsion..
 
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Purpleplum

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but if no one lables it, no one might help. 🥺
If that's the case, then you've gone to the wrong person (doctor/therapist). If a professional can't identify that there's a problem and identify what that problem is then they are useless and you should find a different one.
 
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