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OCD wouldn’t let me in the room to say goodbye

ThinkInYellow

ThinkInYellow

Active member
Joined
Feb 21, 2019
Messages
28
Location
Canada
Trigger warning: animal death, euthanasia

I had to put my dog down today after multiple traumatic incidents involving level four bites, the most recent being my wife two weeks ago. We were both absolutely heart broken. I asked to stay with him through the process but when the vet said “he’s passed” my brain just... flipped. I had to leave the room and wash my hands three times because suddenly he wasn’t my dog but a decomposing bio contamination that I was touching/breathing in. My wife was sitting in there crying and saying good bye and I was washing my hands and thinking “I’ve gotta get him off me” over and over. I’ve been really emotionally fucked up about it ever since.

I loved that dog, he was a family member, I’m devastated that he’s gone. But I couldn’t even say goodbye. All day I’ve been obsessing over whether or not I breathed anything in, or if my wife did, or if I washed my hands well enough. And that was my dog! That was my dog! And I’m as emotionally and mentally disgusted as if someone had handed me road kill! How do I process my grief when thinking of him retriggers this obsession and my absolute disgust at myself over having it?
 
BetaMale

BetaMale

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2018
Messages
682
Location
India
I'm very sad to hear about your dog :hug:; he was basically put down for doing what dogs naturally do. As for touching or breathing a dead dog, you know that it's not going to contaminate you and it's just your OCD talking. Maybe it would help you to learn that we have more bacteria in our body than human cells.

Have you ever been to funerals? Do they elicit the same reaction from you?
 
U

unique2

Member
Joined
Oct 5, 2019
Messages
5
Location
South Carolina, USA
But you were in the room while he was alive, right? I think you did well for him. Never mind how you felt afterward. This is a tough disorder.
 
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