- Nov 4, 2021
- St Louis MO
I recently got off of my medication (zoloft). Around the time the medication was out of my system completely, I remembered something sexual from my childhood. I remembered experimented with another child. Even though I know that is most likely not the case at all. After that, it has spiraled into me being obsessively worried I am capable of harming someone. I get visual images and thoughts of sexual things that are inappropriate, along with violence. Even though I have never harmed someone, and would not be capable of doing such a thing, my mind has now convinced me that I might be capable. I see a therapist regularly and she says that it sounds like OCD and she believes I would be the last person to do such a thing. But I can't stop worrying that I could turn into some deviant who may harm someone. My therapist mentioned that with OCD, it's usually what you're most afraid of. That my brain is taking the things that I fear the most and making me believe I could be capable of those things. And it is not at all in my character. But I keep second guessing if all of a sudden, a switch has flipped and something is severely wrong with me. I think it is just OCD, and have just recently been researching it more. Which tends to make it worse at times. But I can't stop thinking about it and it is completely debilitating, I feel like I am going crazy. It helps to know that is is most likely an OCD thing, as everyone around me insists that this is just my brain malfunctioning and I would never be capable of such horrible things. I have a lot more I could type here but I am just wondering if anyone can relate to any of what I have mentioned? I just have this fear that I am a horrible person and it replays in my head all day long. I have had severe anxiety and panic in the past, along with depression... but this is a whole other ballgame. I don't think I could feel worse than I do now. It is just making me second guess so many things about myself and my morality.