- Jan 29, 2015
I have a secret...I've never even expressed with my own husband who's my very best friend because I am ashamed and embarrassed and I know its just downright odd,first I was never clinically diagnosed with OCD, I just find some things I do very much like it if I had to say myself. Such as checking my alarm several times to make sure its checked,or the cleaning-making sure we don't have clutter or non used items,idk if it relates to not being late for work or just wasting money,maybe not even OCD but my secret may make you think otherwise. Since I was 14(now 38) I've been on and off of anxiety/depression meds,been through counseling and just never felt like I've ever been completely mentally stable. If you met me you would never imagine it being me writing here. Anyway my husband has 2 children from a relationship that was pretty brief, lasted about 3 years..they never married. They agreed upon support money and visitation amongst themselves and I guess it worked out fine for a while until I came along. I noticed after some time of us dating he was nieve and did anything she told him to. Any amount of unreasonable money he quickly coughed up in cash and any visitation schedule that worked for her coincidently worked for him...hes just too nice knowing nothing about his rights I quickly helped him...the amount he was paying was DOUBLE what court ordered and visitations were finally set in stone as she couldn't switch it anymore when convenient. She isn't a bad mother or bad person she just was self centered and just doesn't care about my husband(which is fine,I don't want her to)...anyway ever since court was settle(2 years ago), we all get along well n there's no problems..but ever since then I find myself obsessing over her life,and sometimes I even get jealous! She has custody of the kids, my husband gets them every other weekend,alt. Holidays, breaks,the usual...shes married ,doesn't have a ton of money but shes seems very positive and happy. I find myself obsessing over her facebook almost daily now a days. Why do I care? Why her? Its not like I drive by her house or blow up her phone but I want to know what shes up to. I do get jealous of the fact that my husbands children are hers and I never shared those first moments with him...but we are rocky right now, I love him but I wonder about us staying together. Maybe her happy marriage makes me feel this way? But still why her? She seems to have a large social life as well,I do not...shes physically fit and I'm not. I'm not fat or overweight but do not attend the gym every day. Again why her? Out of all people there's many people w happy kids spouse social lives ..i just don't know why I admire hers so much. Sometimes out of the blue ill feel anger towards her and think about the court issue and how expensive it was but if she wasn't so selfish it could have been easier...i get angry how she took my husbands savings before their split and her having the kids and having a closer bond with them than my husband. But then at times when she calls me I get excited to talk and find her very kind. Why do I even care or obsess? Her and I have had some long good talks,I feel I can relate to her and in a strange way enjoy talking to her. I guess I can say i don't have many friends I feel I can say alot to even though I have several,I just don't go out or mingle a ton.