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Ocd promises to Gods.

B

Bernard soares

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Joined
Feb 13, 2021
Messages
20
Location
Gloucester
I think it’s different for everyone. Ive found therapy useless- the only thing that’s ever touched mine has been meds. Over 40 years I’ve been through lots because they can poop out. But in my case theyve kept me going. Now, I’ve found Buddhist meditation ,specifically anapanasati, to be helpful in controlling panic, but that’s a different thing. My suggestion was merely to try to see if it helps.
 
S

Started 1976

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
68
Location
Derbyshire
That's fair enough. In my experience Medication helped me when Stress caused my OCD to get worse.I had made great strides with Behaviour Therapy previous to Medication. It may have helped me had been on Meds when i first started Therapy. as you say it's probably different for Everyone.Sorry if i came across as a bit sharp!
 
E

Erudinam

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Joined
Dec 22, 2020
Messages
83
Location
Greece
I was worrying that I may have thought something that breaks an hypothetical promise that I may have made to Gods. I say hypothetical because I cant remember if I really, made one.The hypothetical promise is that I wont act compulsive about a certain thing. I may have made the promise to force myself stop doing a certain compulsion. Due to rush, instead of saying that I wont do the ACTION of the compulsion again (specific), I may have used more generic words (due to rush) like "I wont act compulsive about that thing" (more generic).
Yesterday, I was thinking something and I was worrying that maybe it looked like as if I acted compulsive about that thing. So, I started praying to Gods with my thoughts to tell Them that I did not act compulsive. Sometimes when I pray, my praying-thoughts-words are getting mixed with intrusive thoughts or sometimes, I make mistakes with my words. I was worrying that I may make mistake in my prayers, so I kept repeating my sentence-prayer again and again to be sure that I said that correctly.


Suddenly, I realised that by repeating my prayer-sentence again and again may count as a compulsion. I rushly, decided to calm down and say my prayer-sentence one more time, more calmly and then, stop. I rushly, repeated more calmy my sentence. It was as if the repeating cycle (which sometimes loses its meaning) was deleted and I decided to say the same sentence in a more normal way. All this was 2 seconds in my head.


I now, worry that by repeating the prayer 1 more time after realising that I have been repeating it many times, counted as a repeating prayer compulsion. Since that prayer had to do with the thing that I may have made a promise not to act compulsive about, I worry that INDIRECTLY acted compulsive about that thing. I did not do the action of the compulsion which was the reason of the hypothetical promise but maybe by repeating my prayer 1 more time counted as a compulsion. And since that prayer-compulsion was about that thing maybe indirectly acted compulsive about that thing.


Why I did not stop when I realised it? Why I had to repeat it 1 more time? Maybe I considered all the repeating phase as something that has no meaning, and decided that it would be good idea to "delete it" and say what I want like a normal person. But, I am not sure if that is what I really thought. Besides, everything lasted about 2 seconds. Is it my fault for repeating it one more last time? I never did the action of the compulsion but I worry that because of my repeating prayer compulsion, I may have acted compulsive about that thing indirectly. I am angry with myself for not being able to stop myself and think that maybe repeating the sentence one more time, will not be good. It was somehow, uncontrolled. It was like a trap! I am not sure I had many thoughts in my head. My thoughts were like:


"No compulsion, no compulsion, no compulsion, no compulsion, no compulsion- I repeat my sentence too many times, Maybe it would count as a compulsion. Its ok, lets say it one more, more calmly, and then, stop. No compulsion."
Why I said "lets say it one more time"? I should have stopped before repeating it one last time! Why I said it 1 more time? Everything happened so fast. I did not realise what I was doing. I cant really, understand what was going on with me. I worry that it maybe counted as if I did it on purpose and I am not even sure if I did it on purpose or not.
 
S

Started 1976

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
68
Location
Derbyshire
Hi Erudinam,
I Understand Completely what you mean when you say Your Praying Thoughts get mixed up with your Intrusive Thoughts.I have had What i call Prayer Problems for Decades. Sometimes when i Pray i will say a sincere Prayer to Jesus and a Horrible Intrusive Thought will "Flash" though my Mind" and Disturb me and will feel as though i have insulted Jesus.
I Know however (and i'm sure you do deep down) that that is Just a Completely Seperate thought and not there by Choice.
I too make mistakes in my Prayers Everyone does.We are all Human.I used to also (NOT SO MUCH NOW) Repeat Prayers again and again and again until i got it (JUST SO OR JUST RIGHT) The problem is you Rarely get it (JUST SO OR JUST RIGHT)
 
E

Erudinam

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Joined
Dec 22, 2020
Messages
83
Location
Greece
2.5 years ago, I used to have a compulsion with a street sign. I was so tired from that compulsion that I may have made a promise to Gods and asked for punishment in case breaking the promise in order to use the fear of the punishment to force myself stop doing that compulsion. The compulsion was specific but when I tried to make the promise I may have used some generic, random words like "I wont act compulsive again with the street signs". Instead of saying something like "I will never do the specific compulsion of the street signs again", I may have said something more generic " I wont act compulsive with the street signs"




I worry because some days ago, I was passing near something like a street sign but I was worrying that it may look like as if I am doing that compulsion. So, due to anxiety I started praying to Gods with my thoughts to tell them that I did not any compulsion. Due to anxiety, I tend to repeat my praying thoughts because I am afraid that I may skip a word or make a mistake and may cause a misunderstanding. So, I was repeating " no compulsion, no compulsion, no compulsion". I realised that I was repeating the phrase too much and that it lost its meaning, and automatically, I started worrying that my prayer may count as a praying compulsion.




At that moment, I decided to calm down a little and repeat the phrase "no compulsion" one last time. All that lasted about 2 seconds. I repeated the phrase one last time. I am worrying that by repeating it one last time, may have counted as a compulsion. Since the compulsion was repeating prayers about the street sign, I worry that I may have acted compulsive with the street sign indirectly/mentally. I cant remember making any promise but if I made one, I worry because I may have used generic words (as I said in the beginning) and accidentally made the promise to count for every compulsion that connects with the street signs.



I am angry with myself. Instead of stopping when I realised the danger of repeating the prayer-phrase, I rushly, decided to repeat it one last time. I did not have to repeat it one last time. I do not know why I repeated it. Ocd kept bugging me to repeat it but I did not want to repeat it too many times because it may count as a compulsion. So, subconsciously tried to find a middle solution. What if it counted as a compulsion just because I repeated it one last time? I could have stopped when I realised that I have said it too many times but I did not. I am not sure but I fell in the trap of my ocd. I rushly, thought that it will be ok to repeat the prayer-phase one last time in a calmer way. I thought that by doing that, it wont count as a compulsion.



I just, could not fully understand my position and thought that it would be a good idea to repeat it one last time. Besides, everything was just, praying thoughts and lasted about 2 seconds. It was like

" oh no, i have repeated the phrase too many times. it may count as a compulsion and break the promise. Its ok, lets repeat it one last time and then stop."




Am I guilty? Was it my fault for repeating it? did it count as a compulsion? I mostly worry because it may have looked like as if I was making a choice. Stop and be safe or repeat the phrase 1 more time? I rushly, repeated it one last time but I did not fully realised that it would count as a compulsion. I cant explain what was going on my head.



I worry that I may have made a rushed promise to Gods 2,5 years ago and accidentally made the promise to count for every compulsion there could be related to the street signs, just because my words were random and generic. I worry that I may have broke that possible promise just because I could not stop myself from repeating a praying phrase that was about a street sign. Its not that I could not stop myself. I mean, it was not uncontrolled. It was just, a bad, rushed decision. It was semi-UNcontrolled. I have said many time to Gods to absolve me from all promises (hypothetical and not). I have explained that I am ill and that I do not want to make promises. Do you think I broke it? Is it my fault? I worry because Gods may not forgive me for this just because I realised that it may count as a compulsion and instead of stopping I rushly decided to repeat it one last time. But the reason I repeated it was because I considered that it will be ok to repeat it one last time. It was a mistake!
 
S

Started 1976

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
68
Location
Derbyshire
A tip for you Erudinum. Give this a go even if you've tried it before but try to keep doing it for One week and see if this helps?
For 5 minutes when you next get the chance Decide that come what may you will not worry about about Promises you have made, may have made, Hypothetical promises or any of your OCD Worries.Then the next day do exactly the same and every day for one week.
After one week if you do this for 5 minutes at a time(YOU WILL SEE FREEDOM FROM OCD)and will know what to do to eventually be Free of it.
5 MINUTES WILL BECOME 10 THEN 15 THEN 20 AND SO ON UNTIL YOU HAVE DEFEATED THIS ILLNESS.
 
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