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Ocd promises to Gods.

LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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Jul 8, 2013
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I do not believe it is technically possible. It is science fiction like Teleportation. Yes, I don't believe it is possible.

The force of spirit is much more powerful than the ability to simulate a world.
 
M

ManDss

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Jul 24, 2020
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I guess will have to suck it up and keep living our lives.
 
E

Erudinam

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Greece
I have ocd and I have found a way to stop doing its compulsions by making promises to Christian God about not doing the compulsions.

I worry about breaking hypothetical promises to Christian God in which I maybe have asked for a specific punishment in case breaking them. I cant remember making them but I have a bad feeling as if I maybe made those promises.
What if Christian God is not real and other Gods accepted the promise? What if I broke them? What if They punished me with the way I was forced to ask because of my ocd? I did not want to make promises and probably, never made because I cant remember. But, what if, I was so anxious by my ocd that I tried to make and mean those promiseS?
The punishment that I fear is invisible. I will give you a similar example maybe. Lets say that someone makes a promise to Gods and as for a punishment he asks to become bald and unable to see the baldness. When he looks in the mirror, he sees his normal hair but in reality, he is bald and all others can see it except him.

I worry about something similar. Is this rational? what if Gods do not care about my ocd? what if there is a secret rule that whoever asks for a punishment for breaking a promise, he gets what he asked as a punishment?
Also, I have other worries and fears. I am thinking about the simulation theory. Why there are so many people that write their experiences in a reddit site? Could it be that they all are liars or mistaken? I think, some experiences are similar like, teleporting cats, vanishing items, people appearing out of nowhere etc
Glitch in the Matrix • r/Glitch_in_the_Matrix

I was raised as a Christian but all that and some other doubts make it difficult for me to follow Jesus. And also, when I read or think about Christianity, I found some things that give me anxiety.
For example, I read 1 Corinthians 5:11 and I worry that I maybe need to stop enjoying the company of my friends because some are agnostics.

So, I get more anxious and frustrated with everything in life. Ocd tells me:
ocd: do not do that! do this!
Christians on reddit tell me
Christians: Do not do this. do this! etc etc

So, I am a guy with ocd and many fears and worries and what ifs.
What if I should be Christian? What if Jesus is not real? What if we are in a matrix? What if my ocd is right? What if I broke a promise? What if I got punished? What if I need to live a more Christianic life? What if I should stop doing stuff that I enjoy?
all that make my ocd worse, my anxiety worse and my depression worse. I do not know what to believe. Also, I read/hear opinions from atheists or agnostics and I think, I get influenced.
I cant be the Christian who will read the Bible and say that I believe. I cant be the Christian who always thinks what if Christianity is a manmade religion and the Bible is written by liars? Why I should reject the Qur'An but accept the Bible?
I am getting angry with myself, my ocd and maybe with life.
 
M

ManDss

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Just my inside: you could keep living with your doubts about a God and Gods, or you could start living a peaceful life without all that kind of thoughts as most people live.
 
E

Erudinam

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Greece
2,5 years ago, due to ocd, I ended up doing different compulsions. I could not ignore my ocd. I wanted some relief from it. I decided to make promises to Christian God not to do the compulsions and asking for punishment in case breaking it, in order to ensure that I will not do the compulsions. I was just, using the fear of the punishment in order to be forced to ignore my ocd. I just, wanted relief. I did not want to make promises. But due to anxiety, I was forced to try and make one because ocd was not leaving me alone! One time, I prayed to God and tried to make clear that I do not want to make promises and that I am doing them because of my ocd. I tried to make clear that a promise would count only if I understand what I am trying to do, if I mean it and if I validate it by doing the cross sign 3 times. So, compulsions out of nowhere started appearing. I will give you a kinda like example of what my thinking was:

- ocd: do the compulsion!

- me: no!

- ocd: do it!

- me: I wont. leave me alone!

- ocd: do it! do it! do it!

- me: stop!

- ocd: do it! do it!

- me: oh yeah? (at that moment, I make a promise to God and ask for a punishment if I do the action of the compulsion.)

- ocd: do NOT do the compulsion! you made a promise to God!

- me: yeah! glad we agree!







It was a period that I was afraid of a specific punishment. I remember having some compulsions while being afraid of that punishment. I worry that I may have been so tired from those compulsions and that I maybe have tried to make a real promise and asking as a punishment that specific punishment in order to force myself stop doing that compulsions. That was 2,5 years ago, and I cant remember trying to mean or validate any promise. In that state that I was, I would not dare to even think about the word punishment. I maybe had some intrusive thoughts about promises but I do not think I ever tried to make a real and validate it. What if I was so anxious that I tried to make such a promise and then, tried to validate it? What if I was so sure of myself that this would save me from worries and that I would remember it but then, I forgot it? What if there are Gods if in case Christian God is not real, that do not care about my ocd and accepted those HYPOTHETICAL promises? Why I cant remember them? If in case there was a real promise and validated it, do you think Gods accepted them? I maybe tried to mean them but I did not want to. It was because of my ocd. What if Gods do not care about my ocd and accepted them?




Now, let me tell you about the punishment. I have a body dysmorphic disorder. The punishment was about that. I will give kinda a similar example of my worry. Lets say that someone makes a real promise to Gods and asks to be punished by becoming bald and unable to see his baldness. When he looks in the mirror, he sees his hair but in fact, he is bald. All other can see that he is bald, except him. So, my ocd got me into worrying for hypothetical scenarios and for something that I maybe will never find out if I got punished, because it is an invinsible punishment.






In the past, I experienced coincidences that I used to worry that they maybe were signs from Christian God telling me that I got punished. I will give you some examples.



- 1) I was in my bed, 2,5 years ago. I asked from God a specific sign to happen, if in case, lets say, my ocd is right. I asked something like if my ocd is right, to hear a door opening/closing in the building that I used to live, then. The sound in order to be considered as a sign, should be heard til 5 seconds pass, since I ask it. If the sound happens after 6 or more seconds, it wont be considered as a sign. I asked for that sign and even though, I changed my opion about it due to a possible coincidence, I heard someone unlocking his/her door apartment. it was before the 5-second rule. Since, then, I would find myself between sleep and awake, and I would have the very first thought of the day. Randomly, with my eyes still closed from sleep, I was having random thoughts like " door sound, i will hear a door" etc. And after some 5-10 seconds, I would hear a door. That happened more than 5 times, I guess. It was as if my mind was predicting that i will hear a door. It was not a dream. I suppose, my subconscious was scared by the door coincidence, and in my sleep, I would hear sounds that are similar to door. For example, even calling the elevator would sound as a heavy door closing. If someone unlocks his/her door aparment and then, closes the door, I would hear it in my sleep and get the random thought "door sound, door sound" then, I would hear the man/woman calling the elevator which sounds like a door closing with force, so, I guess that created the misunderstanding that I was predicting a door sound, every morning.



- 2) I was watching a video. the guy was talking about a symbol. I heard him saying the word sign, but was not sure. I decided to close the video because my mind started thinking stuff like " I will hear it again and it will be a bad, scary coincidence, i better close it" I wa ready to close the site but my new thoughts stopped me. I was thinking " what if when i close the video, I will hear the guy saying the word "sign" as the last word before closing the video? that would be scary" I just wanted to close the video because I did not want to hear the word "sign" and when I tried to close it, i stopped because I feared that I would hear the word "sign" as the last word before closing it. So, I waited some seconds in order for the guy to somehow, change the subject and when I felt that it was the right moment to close it, I closed it, very fast, and uninentionally, without knowing that he will say the word "sign" I closed it with him saying the word "sign" as the last word. It was so unlikely to happen. The guy was speaking fast. If I had closed the video 1 second earlier, I would never have heard it. But I was so unlucky that I closed it randomly, when he was saying the word "sign" I know he said that word because I op How my mind predicted that I would hear the word "sign" as the last word before closing the video? I checked it and the guy indeed was saying the word "sign" and I am worried because if I have closed the video 1 second earlier or later, this scary coincidence would never happen. how you explain that?




- 3) My ocd fear is about asking punishment from God so i was thinking about a similar example. I was thinking that if someone would have asked from God to lose his arm in an accident, that would never happen. that calmed me down but 1or some minutes or even, seconds later, I saw someone in the street with one arm only. was that a sign from God to tell me that I should be afraid of what my ocd says?

- 4) I ended up having random sound coincidences with other daily sounds, similar to the door sound. Like car alarms and dog barking. I would be thinking about my ocd and then, I would have random thoughts like " i hope i wont hear a door or a dog or a car alarm" and yes, i would hear one of these things. many times. I would be writing about the door coincidence in the internet and I would get a random thought like "I hope i wont hear a door sound, now tha i am writing the word "door" because that would be a scary" and yes, i was hearing a door sound.I was having a scary thought for many days. i was thinking "what if one day, I hear these 3 sounds (dog,alarm,door) together? that would be super scary" One day, i was thinking about my ocd and randomly, a dog barked. I thought " just a dog, i would be scared only if it was the 3 sounds together" the dog kept barking for a minute and suddenly, I hear a car alarm ringing the same time with the elevator sound. The elevator sound, sounds like a heavy door closing so, it can be considered as the 3 sounds happening together. I was in a different neighborhood, and I heard a car alarm the same time with a door opening/closing in the building. i remembered the 3-sound coincidence and I was like " the only thing we miss now is a dog" and a dog started barking.





- 5) An internet user, suggested me 3 books related to my ocd problem, somehow. I was not interested in these books and as I was ready to close the site, i got a thought like "what if there is a sign hidden in these books? choose one of them" I randomly, searched one of the three books, for its summary in wikipedia. The ending was almost, 80% my ocd fear and the summary was using words-phrases that I used to describe my ocd fear. was that a coincidence? my mind predicted that I would find something there and then, indeed I found something related to my ocd fear so much?





- 6) I entered the room in which the tv was open. It was a show about mythology. The narrator was saying a story. When I walked in the room, I heard the narrator saying " She cursed herself and the sea and asked from God to be transformed to stone and God granted her wish" That was like my ocd fear!. I was writing about that coincidence on the internet and as I was thinking to write " Was that a coincidence or not" I hear my grandma saying to my father something like '' these are signs". They were talking about a different subject but what my grandma said, could fit as a reply to what I was thinking at that moment.





My faith to Jesus is almost, lost. I worry that there could be other Gods who could be not mentioned in other religions. I read about experiences from people living strange events as if we are living in a matrix and that the matrix maybe have glitched. Vanishing items, people appearing out of nowhere etc. Could it be that we are living in a matrix and these are glitches? I have what ifs in my mind. What if I made a promise? What if I got punished? What if we are living in a matrix? What if there are other Gods who do not care about my ocd. What if those coincidences or some of them, were a sign? So, I ended up having depression, anxiety and thinking almost, every day about my ocd problem. My ocd is like:

- ocd: What if you made a real promise and other Gods who do not care about your illness, accepted it? What if you asked for that specific punishment? What if They punished you with what you asked?
 
S

Started 1976

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Nov 17, 2020
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68
Location
Derbyshire
Have you listened to the Video sent to your post "Does OCD seem Ridiculous to use"."It really should help if you listen properly to it and don't give up after 30 seconds!! Very informative .Thank You Jujingna
( I hope i spelled that right)
 
S

Started 1976

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Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
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Location
Derbyshire
Sorry that sounds a bit rude saying don't give up after 30 seconds!It really does explain how to cope and get better in the Long Term.Please have a a Serious listen.I will pray for you.
 
J

JeanPierre

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Jan 4, 2021
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Southern USA
I wish I could help you. Do you see a doctor?

I feel you are searching for spirituality (which is not religion)
and need a bit of help with therapists and medicine to slow those intrusive thoughts down.

Stay in touch!
 
E

Erudinam

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Dec 22, 2020
Messages
83
Location
Greece
2,5 years ago, I was outside, across from the building in which my old apartment was. I think, there was/were plate/plates of cat food/water or something like these, I do not remember exactly. It could have been just, food or just, water or both or nothing related to that. Anyway, my ocd started telling me to do a compulsion about these. I cant remember exactly what the compulsion was about. I think, my ocd was giving me probably, false alarms about the cat food/water that it could be dangerous for the cat. Maybe the plate/plates were near plants and I was afraid that something may fall into the plate and position it or maybe the plates were near rust or dirty. Anyway, I think I moved the plate/plates to a safer spot.


I think, the way I put them were forming a shape along with other object/objects. I think, ocd started telling me that I need to rearrange their/its position in order to break the shape because it may be something like a ritual that causes a curse or something like that. I think, I remember spending some time rearranging again and again the objects. I think, one of the object was a pot or something like that. Maybe I did the cross sign 3 times on the object/objects in order to cancel any hypothetical curse. (just, typical ocd stuff) I do not remember anything else.


My ocd is telling me that I may have made a real promise to Christian God and asked for a specific punishment and maybe if in case Christian God is not real, other Gods accepted the promise. I may have made the promise to force myself using the fear of the punishment to stop worrying about that compulsions. I cant remember making a promise. In the stsate that I was I would not dare to make a real promise and ask for that specific punishment. In the past, I was forced to make promises and ask for punishment (without wanting) in order to force myself ignore my ocd. What if the same thing happened with that plates/pots? Maybe I had some intrusive thoughts about a promise but I cant remember making a real promise and validating it. (I would not dare) But what if I was so anxious that I rushy, made a real promise, asked for a specific punishment in case breaking it and validate it? It is just, an hypothesis. I cant remember making a real promise.


That spot was across from the buliding in which my old apartment was. Almost. everyday, whenever I was out, I was near that spot. It easily, entered my field of view. I think, I never got worried for that spot. If I made a promise, I would remember it and avoid even looking at that spot. I cant remember something EXACTLY like that. I think, there were some times that I was getting a bad feeling and was avoiding even, looking at that spot but that was probably, because of my ocd hypothesis. I do not remember making a promise. I remember less scary, and random, intrusive thoughts about other things but I do not remember anything about that spot. Yet, I feel as if there are chances that I may have made a promise.


What if I got so anxious and could not ignore my ocd which was telling me to rearrange the object/objects that I rushly, tried to make a real promise, ask for that specific punishment and validated it? I would not dare but what if I got so anxious that I did it and later, forgot it?


Before that in the past, I prayed and tried to make clear that I do not want to make promises and that I am making them because of my ocd. I tried to make clear that a promise would count only if I understand what I am trying to promise, if I mean it and if I validate it by doing the cross sign 3 times. (I meant that the cross signs must be done on me like when we start/finish a prayer)


I cant remember if that night, I tried to make such a promise. I remember ocd telling me to rearrange again and again the object/objects and me getting frustrated. What if upon my frustration I tried to make a REAL promise and ask for a specific punishment? Why I have those bad feelings? is this just, an hypothesis of my ocd? and even if, I made a promise, did Gods accepted it? I do not want to make promises. I do not want to be punished! I just, fall in the traps of my ocd and try to make promises to make my ocd stop bugging me like:


ocd: do the compulsion


me: no!


ocd: do it!


me: leave me alone


ocd: do it do it!


me: i do not want to do it. (at that moment, i make a promise that I wont do the action of the compulsion etc)


ocd: do NOT do the compulsion because you made a promise!


me: glad we agree! now, I am free!!!


Today, I was trying to remember if I made such a promise and while imagining/remembering that I was carrying a pot, I randomly, made the gesture. What if that breaks the promise?
 
R

RayHendrix

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Jan 21, 2021
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Austria
Yes it´s your OCD. You did not make a promise. You are lost in your thoughts. I think it would be best for you to go to therapy. Are you getting any form of help?
 
E

Erudinam

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Greece
I was thinking about my ocd fear which has to do with being cursed/punished from Gods. I randomly, heard from tv someone describing, I think, a football match, and I think, he used the word curse. I think, he was speaking about a team which was very unlukcy like it was cursed.

I was thinking if that was a sign from Gods and randomly, heard a man from tv saying something like ".... something that happens constantly stops being a coincidence"

it came as an answer to my question!
 
E

Erudinam

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Dec 22, 2020
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Greece
I used to fight and resist ocd compulsions by making promises to Christian God that I wont do the compulsions and asking for punishment in case breaking them, in order to use the fear of the punishment to force myself stop doing or worrying about the compulsions. For example:
ocd: do the compulsion
me: no!
ocd: do it!
me: leave me alone
ocd: do it! do it!
at that moment, I make a promise not to do the compulsion.
ocd: do NOT do the compulsion! you made a promise!
me: glad we agree! now i am free!
I tried to make clear to Christian God that I do not want to make promises and htat I am doing them because of my ocd and that a real promise would count only if I understand what I am trying to do, if I mean it and if I validate by doing the cross sign 3 times. What if these promises were accepted by other Gods if in case Christian God is not real? Many times, I got worried for accidentally, breaking those promises or for breaking HYPOTHETICAL promises that I forgot or for breaking promises that were not promises but intrusive thoughts that looked like promises. What if I made a real promise and was forced to mean it and validated it by doing the cross sign 3 times and Gods accepted it?
My ocd tells me that I may have asked a specific punishment in case breaking a promise that is invisible. I wil ltell you a siimilar example maybe.
Lets say that someone makes a promise and asks for a punishment in case breaking it, to become bald and unable to see his baldness. When he looks in the mirror he sees his normal hair but he is actually, bald and all other can see it except him.
So, for 2,5 years I was worrying almost everyday for something like this. What if I got punished for breaking a promise that I cant remember? What if I asked that invisible punishment? What if I got punished and I cant find out? What if Gods do not care about my ocd?
 
E

Erudinam

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Greece
2,5 years ago, I used to kiss the door of a church because ocd was telling me to do it. That door had something like a rust, or discoloration and ocd was telling me to kiss that part in order to prove to God that I am trusting Him etc. One time, I kissed that part but due to anxiety, I did it fast as if I was worrying to kiss the rust/discoloration part. Ocd started telling me that it may seem as a mockery to God because it may seem as if I am trying to prove to Him that I am trusting Him by kissing that part while on the same time, I try not to kiss it too much. So, I was forced to kiss again that part, more time, and in order to prove that I am trusting Him, I started licking that part. I started worrying that by putting saliva in the door may anger God and I was worrying that maybe I will be punished with a specific punishment. I think, I bought a bottle of water and used some water on my t-shirt in order to clean the door.
I think, the next day or a day near the next, I was trying to repeat the same compulsion. I was getting a bad feeling as if I should not do that. Ocd kept bugging me to do it but also, not to do it the same time. I rushly, did it because I did not want to analyze it. After doing it, I started worrying that the previous time that I was there and cleaned the door, I may have made a promise that I will never do it again and maybe asked for that specific punishment in case breaking it in order to make sure that I will never do it again. I think, I would not dare to make such a promise. Maybe due to ocd and anxiety, I had some intrusive thoughts about it but I think, I never prayed to make a real promise. Why I felt that bad feeling that day? Could it be that I made a real promise and I forgot it? I would not dare to make such a promise but what if I was forced by my ocd? Wouldn't I remember it? Maybe it is just, an ocd hypothesis that looked real. What if there are Gods, if in case Christian God is not real, that do not care about my ocd and accepted that promise?
 
stygianiron222

stygianiron222

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Jan 18, 2021
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the underworld
i think you should seek the help of a professional, because these intrusive thoughts seem to be really bothering you and its probably not good for your health to put your mouth on a rusty church door.
god won't punish you for not doing this, it is just your ocd acting up.
do you still do this or have any other compulsions?
 
E

Erudinam

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Greece
2,5 years ago, I may have made a promise that was accepted by Gods that I will stop doing the compulsion that has to do with licking a specific spot on a door. I may have asked for a specific punishment in case breaking that promise in order to make sure that I will NEVER do the compulsion again, by using the fear of the punishment. i cant remember if I made such a promise so, lets call it "hypothetical promise"
Yesterday, there was a dirty spot of white sauce on my glass of water. (i ate so I stained it from before.) While drinking water i was having my lips near that spot. Ocd told me to put my lips (and maybe lick it) that dirty spot. I randomly, without thinking, like a refelx, I tried to move my lips on that spot. Automatically, I remembered the door compulsion from 2,5 years ago.


I worry that by trying to put my lips on the dirty spot of the glass, I may have broken that hypothetical promise about the door because the compulsions seem similar. They are different objects but both have to do with putting the lips on something as part of compulsion. The problem is that if I made such a promise I cant remember if the promise was only for the door or for anything that has to do with licking/putting lips. If I made such a promise, my words could have been that I will never do the same compulsion again (door, lick) or that I will never lick that door again. Which means that the promise counted ONLY for the door.



What if my words, due to rush, were that I will never lick dirty spots again, as part of compulsion, WITHOUT mentioning the door? What if unintentionally, I made the hypothetical promise count for anything that has to do with licking dirty spots, just because I did not specify it (about the door)? I worry that yesterday I may have broken that hypothetical promise just because, unintentionally, I tried to do what my ocd told me to do with my glass.
 
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