Ocd promises to Gods.

[Erudinam]

Someone has a compulsion to rearrange his books. He tries to make a promise to God or to Gods in order to use the fear of the promise to force himself stop worrying about the books. His words when making the promise were that he will never act compulsive about the books. He randomly. said those words without being specific. He just, want to force himself to stop worrying about the book compulsion.
One day, that someone just, wants to pray to Gods and say that he did not break the book promise. His ocd is telling him to say what he wants to say in a slow way and clearly because if he says it fast, it may look as if he is mocking Gods.
So, the guy says what he wants to say (that he did not break the book promise) but he says it as his ocd told him to. (does a compulsion)
The guy worries that by saying his prayer compulsively, MAYBE broke the book promise because his compulsive prayer had to do with book promise. So, by saying a prayer compulsively, that has to do with the book promise, maybe counted as if he acted compulsively with the books.
Please answer me this questions

• 1) The guy randomly, without being specific, said that he will never act compulsively with the books. does that mean that the promise is valid only, when rerranging the books (direct practical compulsion) or for whatever, has to do with compulsions and books?
• 2) Did he acted compulsive about the books when he prayed about them in a compulsive way? He did not want to act compulsively about the books but for 1 second, without realising it, he just, said his prayer (that happened to be about the books) in a compulsive way.

 

[Erudinam]

My ocd is about making deals with Gods or promises to Gods as a way to fight ocd compulsions. Since I have ocd fear of Gods, I use this fear by making promises to Gods in order to force myself NOT TO do cd compulsions. The fear of Gods is stronger than the fear of NOT doing an ocd compulsion. So, I am forced by my anxiety to mak promises to Gods that I will NOT do the compulsion and I ask for punishments/curse in case breaking the deal by DOING the compulsion.
For example my ocd is telling me to rearrange the books. I do not want to rearrange them but I cant ignore my ocd. So, I try to find a way to make ocd stop giving me anxiety for not doing the compulsion. So, a promise is being made to Gods about not rearranging the books. A punishment/curse is asked in case breaking the promise. The fear of the punishment/curse is stronger than the fear of the compulsion. So, using this fear, I am forcing myself not to do the compulsion and the anxiety for not doing the compulsion is gone because the fear of the punishment in case of breaking the promise (by doing the compulsion) is bigger than not doing the compulsion.
I do not want to make these promises and sometimes, I end up worrying because of HYPOTHETICAL promsies. I cant remember if I ever made a promise about something and because my weapon against ocd are these promises, I worry if I ever made a promise about something and then, forgot it. Sometimes, by doing something that I want that happens to be the same action with the compulsion or something similar, I worry that I may be breaking the promise. Just because what I want to do happens to be the action of an old compulsion. For example, if I want to rearrange the books like a normal person ( no ocd) I will worry because in the past, I may have made a promise to Gods about never rearranging the books (because that time the compulsion was about rearranging the books)
So, I feel like I am trapped in my daily life. For example, I may want to watch a movie and I will start thinking that in the past, I may have made a promise to Gods not to watch that movie because ocd was telling me to watch it as part of the compulsion. So, the usual trick may have been used ( promise not to do the compulsion) in order to fight ocd. And since, I was able to fight my compulsion with the fear of the promise/punishment/curse, days later, I may want to watch that movie like a normal person and not because my ocd is asking me to watch it. I find myself worrying that by watching that movie because I want (like a normal person) I may still, be breaking the promise to Gods.
I have told Christian God (and because Christian God maybe is not real, maybe other Gods heard me) that I do not want to make these promises. Ι told Him ( or Them if they heard me) that I would only, mean a promise if I validate it by doing the cross sign 3 times.
My ocd learned the trick of the fake promises. One day, I tried to make a fake promise and ocd kept giving me worries for not doing the compulsion because it knew that the promises are fake. So, I could not use the fear of promises because I knew that the promises are fake and do not count. Maybe I was forced to mean the promise for some seconds, and tried to validate it by doing the cross sign but I stopped at the second time and canceled the promise.
Now, I am not sure if I ever validate a promise by doing the cross sign 3 times, if it will count or not. Even if I make the cross sign 3 times and try to mean the promise for some seconds, deep down, I do not want to make it. I am just, being forced by my anxiety to make a real promise (since the fake ones do not work)
Everyday I worry in my life. The reason I worry is because I have a fear of a specific punishment from Gods. That specific punishment was asked some times, as a punishment in case breaking the promise. (with or without the cross sign)
That specific punishment is invisible. I mean, it cant be seen. Its maybe something similar as if someone asks as a punishment to be always, unlucky in his life. If he breaks the promise, he cant know if the punishment/curse ( unlucky) happened or not.
The punishment that I fear is being transformed to something ugly but being unable to see it. I do not want to say a lot of details about it.
So, the reason I give much attention to my ocd story (promises) is because I do not know if Gods accepted the promise. Someone has a fear of germs. He washes his hands. He can persuade himself to stop worrying by not washing his hands. He sees that he is ok and maybe worries less. (he has witnessed that his ocd is wrong)
In my case, the punishment is invisible so I cant stop worrying. You will tell me about Jesus but my ocd doubts a lot. So, I cant say to myself "relax Jesus knows" because Jesus maybe is not real. What if there are Gods (not from a religion) that do not care about my ocd and accept these promises?
How can a therapist help me and convince me that the invisible punishment did not happen/will not happen or that Gods do not accept those promises?
Can you please talk to me? Can you calm me down? Can you share your experiences? please do not just, tell me to go to a therapist. Talk with me.

 

[Purpleplum]

What about just making a promise to yourself with no fear of punishment or curse?

 

[Erudinam]

I am worrying for the past. I think. I have stopped making promises.

 

[Zoe1]

hi Erudinam

sounds to me like you have chosen a very ' punitive Higher Power '

instead of analysing your compulsion about the books
maybe look at what you mean by God
what is this God like and can you choose
something different to believe in ?

I hope you find help here

 

[hotcocoa12]

I have exactly the same

My ocd is about making deals with Gods or promises to Gods as a way to fight ocd compulsions. Since I have ocd fear of Gods, I use this fear by making promises to Gods in order to force myself NOT TO do cd compulsions. The fear of Gods is stronger than the fear of NOT doing an ocd compulsion. So, I am forced by my anxiety to mak promises to Gods that I will NOT do the compulsion and I ask for punishments/curse in case breaking the deal by DOING the compulsion.
For example my ocd is telling me to rearrange the books. I do not want to rearrange them but I cant ignore my ocd. So, I try to find a way to make ocd stop giving me anxiety for not doing the compulsion. So, a promise is being made to Gods about not rearranging the books. A punishment/curse is asked in case breaking the promise. The fear of the punishment/curse is stronger than the fear of the compulsion. So, using this fear, I am forcing myself not to do the compulsion and the anxiety for not doing the compulsion is gone because the fear of the punishment in case of breaking the promise (by doing the compulsion) is bigger than not doing the compulsion.
I do not want to make these promises and sometimes, I end up worrying because of HYPOTHETICAL promsies. I cant remember if I ever made a promise about something and because my weapon against ocd are these promises, I worry if I ever made a promise about something and then, forgot it. Sometimes, by doing something that I want that happens to be the same action with the compulsion or something similar, I worry that I may be breaking the promise. Just because what I want to do happens to be the action of an old compulsion. For example, if I want to rearrange the books like a normal person ( no ocd) I will worry because in the past, I may have made a promise to Gods about never rearranging the books (because that time the compulsion was about rearranging the books)
So, I feel like I am trapped in my daily life. For example, I may want to watch a movie and I will start thinking that in the past, I may have made a promise to Gods not to watch that movie because ocd was telling me to watch it as part of the compulsion. So, the usual trick may have been used ( promise not to do the compulsion) in order to fight ocd. And since, I was able to fight my compulsion with the fear of the promise/punishment/curse, days later, I may want to watch that movie like a normal person and not because my ocd is asking me to watch it. I find myself worrying that by watching that movie because I want (like a normal person) I may still, be breaking the promise to Gods.
I have told Christian God (and because Christian God maybe is not real, maybe other Gods heard me) that I do not want to make these promises. Ι told Him ( or Them if they heard me) that I would only, mean a promise if I validate it by doing the cross sign 3 times.
My ocd learned the trick of the fake promises. One day, I tried to make a fake promise and ocd kept giving me worries for not doing the compulsion because it knew that the promises are fake. So, I could not use the fear of promises because I knew that the promises are fake and do not count. Maybe I was forced to mean the promise for some seconds, and tried to validate it by doing the cross sign but I stopped at the second time and canceled the promise.
Now, I am not sure if I ever validate a promise by doing the cross sign 3 times, if it will count or not. Even if I make the cross sign 3 times and try to mean the promise for some seconds, deep down, I do not want to make it. I am just, being forced by my anxiety to make a real promise (since the fake ones do not work)
Everyday I worry in my life. The reason I worry is because I have a fear of a specific punishment from Gods. That specific punishment was asked some times, as a punishment in case breaking the promise. (with or without the cross sign)
That specific punishment is invisible. I mean, it cant be seen. Its maybe something similar as if someone asks as a punishment to be always, unlucky in his life. If he breaks the promise, he cant know if the punishment/curse ( unlucky) happened or not.
The punishment that I fear is being transformed to something ugly but being unable to see it. I do not want to say a lot of details about it.
So, the reason I give much attention to my ocd story (promises) is because I do not know if Gods accepted the promise. Someone has a fear of germs. He washes his hands. He can persuade himself to stop worrying by not washing his hands. He sees that he is ok and maybe worries less. (he has witnessed that his ocd is wrong)
In my case, the punishment is invisible so I cant stop worrying. You will tell me about Jesus but my ocd doubts a lot. So, I cant say to myself "relax Jesus knows" because Jesus maybe is not real. What if there are Gods (not from a religion) that do not care about my ocd and accept these promises?
How can a therapist help me and convince me that the invisible punishment did not happen/will not happen or that Gods do not accept those promises?
Can you please talk to me? Can you calm me down? Can you share your experiences? please do not just, tell me to go to a therapist. Talk with me.

I have exactly the same thing as you do, I have to swear to God (who I don’t know if he’s real or not but I’m scared in case a supernatural power hears me) that I won’t touch a surface or look at something again and if I do then something bad will happen and then to make it “official” I have to do the cross sign. All I can tell you is that you’re not alone. I don’t know how to cure this or to get rid of it because I myself am trying to do so but from experience I’ve learnt that I have different OCD phases and they go away after a certain amount of time or you can’t stand it anymore and gradually stop. I hope this helps a bit

 

[Laudanum]

I understand how you feel.

Take a read of: Better Safe Than Sorry: Why We Believe In Tempting Fate [Excerpt]

 

[BoringBoris]

I’m not a therapist, but I think you and Hotcocoa12 are being to hard on yourselves. God realizes this is something you struggle with and sees your heart. Promising HIM anything in order to attain something is a waste of time.

 

[Bipolarbear808]

OCD behaviors are usually done to prevent or reduce anxiety. If I understand you correctly, it sounds like you created your situation in order to stop a bad habit? If that is the case then no I wouldn't consider that OCD.

 

[Erudinam]

OCD behaviors are usually done to prevent or reduce anxiety. If I understand you correctly, it sounds like you created your situation in order to stop a bad habit? If that is the case then no I wouldn't consider that OCD.

but I already had an ocd fear of God that period. And in the future after that, I ended up making promises to fight ocd.

in this case, I did not use the promise to fight ocd, but since it was a habit that was easy to stop without the fear of the promise, then why I made such a promise? (if in case I made one, i do not remember)

is it normal for someone to use his ocd fears to make a promise in order to make himself stop a bad habit that is easy to stop without making the promise?

 

[Bipolarbear808]

Ok so if I'm hearing you correctly, you're saying that you have an obsession with God and because of that you make promises to God to stop your bad behavior?

 

[Mulligan]

Well there are two answers here. First if you want to treat this as ocd my answer would be that you need to let things be and accept that you wiped your nose on your pillow and now most accept whatever happens. That plug be the erp answer, along with telling you to start leaving small messes in you office. But as things stand I see how scary that would be do the other thing I’d say is to acknowledge that no god would be anger with you over something that was an accident.

 

[Mulligan]

These sound like compulsions to me. They are made to reduce anxiety but only lead to more anxiety and insecurity. Best thing is to face your anxiety and obsessions as hard as that can be.

 

[GTP]

Erudinam,

If God really exists, he would not go around punishing people for such acts. God does not take joy in punishing because he is neither affected by emotion or pleasure or pain so he doesn't really care for hurting anyone in any way, especially you. Punishment is used to reinforce something, so what would be reinforced in your case?

You didn't break anything...Take it easy with yourself.

 

[OmniscientNihilist]

dont make god in your own image. some angry guy who wants to punish you. stop punishing yourself. god never asked you to punish yourself and then because you punish yourself you imagine god to also be a punisher. this is all in your mind only.

truth is your self and god are one and the same being. all of reality is one thing. it moves as one thing. your thoughts and behaviors are part of this movement. once your mind realizes this it will stop punishing itself and surrender into bliss.