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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

OCD or something else, I have no idea what's going on....

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Scream

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Nov 23, 2014
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3
Hello everyone...I come from Slovenia, Central Europe and since I was like in the first grade of elementary school (i'm 18 now) I had a great hypochondria about everything...When I was 7 years old I was scared that I am dying of AIDS and when I was a little older I thought I have skin cancer...I became obssessed with viruses, bacterias and other disease-making things...I remember I was crying one night because I thought I had a brain tumor and eye cancer and I could barely think for two months of thinking that I am infected with Rabies and that I'm gonna die...but well, luckily through two years of depression and suicidal acting I came through and I got rid of these hypochondric thoughts...I don't know how, but I did...and now another thing appeared, around 1 year ago, or even more. I don't have any idea what it is but it's like OCD...kind of...Every time I write something I erase it and began again and again and again until i have an idea that it's okay...because if I just try to ignore that urge to erase and rewrite what is written I get extremely worried and nervous and think that I made a giant mistake...and the same things happen when I close the door...I keep on opening and closing it until it "feels" right and this can take as long as 20 minutes or so...the worse thing is I can't write anythig normally...either for school or something similar my notebooks are full of erase marks and like that...and I find it extremely annoying only I can't get rid of it...then there's another thing. I really really dislike myself...I don't know if it's because of that but I tend to harm my head for every single mistake I make and then I call myself worthless and idiot and similar things...sometimes even worse...so can please ANYONE help and tell me what these things are? This writing erasing thing? Please and thank you VERY MUCH for your answers.
 
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Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Oct 23, 2014
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Hi Scream and welcome to the forum.

It sounds as though you are having to deal with rather a lot! Have you talked to anybody (family, friend, doctor) about how you are feeling and what you are experiencing?
 
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Scream

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Nov 23, 2014
Messages
3
No I never talked to anyone about it...well yes, I did but only to a few friends and they told me to visit a doctor and that everything's okay with me and I was thinking that way to but it has recently begun again and I don't know either to visit a doctor or not.
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

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Hi Scream, :welcome: to the forum.

That sounds very horrible and frustrating to be experiencing, sorry I can't offer any advice directly, but I'm sure others here will recognise what you're describing. I wonder if you'd get more responses if this was in the OCD part of the forum, rather than Personality Disorders? If you'd like it to be moved you can contact Admin or a Moderator (click on Quick Links, then Forum Leaders in the drop-down box and send a PM).

Hope you find some answers to this, and welcome aboard again.
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

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Oct 23, 2014
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No I never talked to anyone about it...well yes, I did but only to a few friends and they told me to visit a doctor and that everything's okay with me and I was thinking that way to but it has recently begun again and I don't know either to visit a doctor or not.
It's good that you were able to talk to your friends about your worries and that they were supportive.

I would say that, if you are becoming increasingly worried about your behaviour and it's having an impact on your life, yes, go to the doctors. Hopefully they will talk things through with you, can put your mind at ease and point you in the right direction if you need further help.
 
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Balexmfl

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Dec 31, 2014
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2
Hi. Your post reminds me of what's going on with me. I've always had a lot of social anxiety. And worry constantly about people around me but I noticed a few things that I do that are kind of different from them. For example, I can't help but check the mail a lot throughout the day, even Sunday, though I know I already have or that the mail is not coming. I can usually stop myself from repeatedly going to do it but I think about it. I'll pick at my fingernails a lot. I mean I am doing it all day. I start chain smoking, if I organize anything and it's not in the exact pattern or perfectly straight or whatever, I need to fix it or it'll annoy me the whole time. And then the writing thing; I understand what you're saying. I choose to type because when I write anything, my handwriting will bother me and I'll end up rewriting, tearing out pages, etc. but I can't write with a pencil, it has to be a pen. So I know what you mean. The thing is that these things, although they are always there, only get uncontrollable when I start to feel stressed. Otherwise I'll think about them but I can stop myself from doing them for the most part. I'm not even sure if this is OCD or just anxiety either. Hopefully you can get your situation figured out and start to feel better.
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

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Hi Balexmfl, and welcome to the forum. I don't know whether these things are OCD or anxiety either, hopefully someone who has more experience of this will be able to give you some helpful input, but it makes sense to me that when you are feeling stressed it would be more difficult to control, I think the same applies to other types of symptoms in mental health too. Hope you find joining here helpful, there are lots of very supportive and friendly people here :)
 
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